


The Only Good Thing Left in The World

by heroes_never_die



Series: The Last Good Thing in The World [1]
Category: The Last of Us (Video Games)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Anxiety Attacks, Apocalypse, Bad Jokes, Blood and Injury, Child Neglect, Clickers (The Last Of Us), Coming Out, Crying, Dark, Depression, Ellie & Joel (The Last of Us) Bonding, Ellie (The Last of Us) Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Father Figures, Father-Daughter Relationship, Fatherhood, Fluff and Angst, Game: The Last Of Us: Left Behind, Gun Violence, Hotels, Hurt, Hurt Ellie (The Last of Us), Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Kidnapping, Long, Nightmares, Not Canon Compliant - The Last of Us: Left Behind, POV Ellie (The Last of Us), Parent Joel (The Last of Us), Past Child Abuse, Paternal Instinct, Pedophilia, Physical Abuse, Please Don't Hate Me, Post-Apocalypse, Protective Joel (The Last of Us), Set Pre-The Last of Us: Left Behind, Sexual Assault, Stalkers (The Last Of Us), Suicidal Thoughts, The Last of Us Spoilers, Violence, Winter, Zombie Apocalypse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-24
Updated: 2020-11-05
Packaged: 2021-03-07 19:41:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 26
Words: 74,488
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26633035
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heroes_never_die/pseuds/heroes_never_die
Summary: Joel tries to comfort Ellie after her touch with death and sexual assault, seeing the trauma she experienced during the cold winter in the process.
Relationships: David/Ellie (The Last of Us), Ellie & Joel (The Last of Us), Ellie & Tommy (The Last of Us), Ellie/Joel (The Last of Us), Ellie/Marlene (The Last of Us), Joel & Tommy (The Last of Us), Joel (The Last of Us)/Original Female Character(s)
Series: The Last Good Thing in The World [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2002261
Comments: 63
Kudos: 115





	1. Chapter 1

"C'mon, baby girl." He breathed, feeling near dead weight in his hand. Even though there was a blizzard whipping around the two, all Joel could hear was Ellie's gasps for air through her broken ribs, along with her sniffles and cries. He cringed, trying not to think about what he was too late to stop...  _ If I was just earlier, I could've stopped... whatever happened. Something happened. I've never seen her like that.  _ He recalled the machete hanging from the man's head, blood decorating Ellie's cheeks and hands as he stopped her. 

She faintly heard Joel's voice reassuring her, but all she could feel was the imprints of bruising all around her body, especially her lower half. Her eyes were weary with exhaustion and it felt like she could collapse any second. Joel dragged her along, desperate to get them out of the cold. 

Ellie's faint coughing attracted his gaze, and he only slid his arms under the backs of her knees, carrying her through the ankle-deep snow. "'T's okay, It's okay, baby... we're almost there." He promised, starting to see the tip of the house's roof peeking from beyond the horizon, welcoming them home to hell. 

Green eyes stared directly into his as he continued running through the snow, feeling the frozen sting of Ellie's cheeks. They were covered in dry tears and blood, but a new layer of dampness shot down her cheeks with every second. "Alright, we're okay, we're okay." He chanted, his steel-tipped boots already freezing in the snow. 

Ellie's clothing was in tatters. It made him sick as he realized some of the blood surrounding the rips were hand-prints, especially by her chest and jeans. He felt his skin boil under his clothes as he saw bruises on her visible skin. There were handprints by her waist and the center of his jeans.  _ Lucky son of a bitch... I would've hung him by his entrails if he were still alive.  _ Joel thought, radiating hate and grinding his teeth in fury. 

Someone had touched his baby, his baby girl... Joel almost wanted to travel back to the restaurant and hang the body on a street lamp, letting the scent of rotten flesh hang as a warning through the town.  _ No one touches her.  _ He scowled, petting Ellie's hair with his fingers in a desperate attempt to calm her down. Cries and tears still ran down her cheeks, now muffled in his flannel. "'T's alright, we're here, baby. We're safe." Joel whispered, taking in the scent of her greasy hair. It now smelled... clean. He suddenly realized Ellie's hair was wet and smelled of what he would think was shampoo. He didn't want to have to think of her bathing near that animal, or even worse... if she was unconscious. 

It felt odd not smelling her greasy hair and dirty clothing. Their odors had become comforting to each other, a sign that the other was near… they weren’t alone. It was especially comforting to Ellie, who’d been forced to sleep beside Joel for two months, each night growing more and more desperate.

“We’re here, Ellie. It’s alright, baby. Let’s get ya cleaned.” Joel whispered, hurling the garage door open and leading Ellie and him inside before shutting it quickly, hoping to keep the cold away. 

Ellie looked toward the small pile of hay and suddenly began crying, catching Joel off guard. He felt her grip tighten around him as she remembered the horse blood splattered across her jeans. "They shot him." Ellie cried, her voice muffled in Joel's wool jacket. 

"Oh, baby… 'T's alright, Ellie." He assured her, rubbing her back, trying to pause her quaking sobs. "No one can hurt you now, you're safe, baby girl." Ellie only seemed to cry louder at his name for her, remembering how  _ he  _ had called her baby as well. She cringed, shivering at the cold around her. 

"Okay, let's set you down, kiddo." Ellie moaned in pain as Joel set her on the mattress she'd slept next to for so many weeks. Winter had been a barren, traumatizing month for her. 

After Joel's accident at the end of spring, she had nearly forgotten of the fireflies. He was all that mattered. Every day, she would venture out, searching for anything that would guarantee his survival. "Ellie." Joel shook her gently, sending a small shot of pain through her arm accidentally. 

"Hm?" She asked, grinding her teeth gently as she reached for her ribs. Ellie looked towards Joel, their eyes connecting for a moment. In her emerald irises, he saw hands wrapping around her throat, and horrifying things happening as she was knocked unconscious. He cringed, taking her in his arms momentarily, feeling her ribs shake against him with cries. 

"Okay… what hurts?" Joel asked gently after releasing her, pressing her body down to the mattress with care. He eyed her up and down. Her hair was nearly loose from her ponytail after David had grabbed her by it. It looked like the scar across her eyebrow had been reopened by a blade. Blood -both wet and dry- caked every revealed inch of her skin, most of it not hers. Ellie seemed to be in a catatonic state, not hearing or seeing anything but David's bald eyes.

Ellie cringed, feeling the pain between her legs. She feared what Joel would say if he found out what had transpired between the much older man and her… would he judge her? Would he turn her away? She didn't want to… but maybe that wouldn't mean anything to him. "M-my ribs… my ribs are broken, I think. A-and…" She trailed off, tears swimming around her eyes, cascading off of her bloody skin. 

"Where else?" He asked, petting her fluffed hair gently, still cringing at the strange absence of oil and grease in the strings of hair. She looked down and gently muttered something under her breath. He barely heard it, but part of him wished he hadn't. 

Hot breath ran against Ellie's skin as Joel closed his eyes, clenching his teeth together until it felt as if they would crack.  _ Son of a bitch.  _ Joel growled in his mind, releasing a snarl from his pipes. "Okay… let's wash all this off you first, baby." Ellie nodded, looking around the room as the trauma of the past two months screamed in her ears. 

Ellie was dead silent as he took a wet rag, running cold water on her face. Scars and cuts were hidden behind the blood, now revealed. Joel's fingers clenched around the rag, sending water trailing down his rest. The only sounds in the room were Ellie's small sniffles and cries, those of which Joel tried to stall. "It's alright, baby girl. I know it hurts. You're okay, now. I'm here now."

_ I'm here now. Two fuckin' months she had to be on her own… two months she had to provide for my sorry ass. How long was she in that hellhen? Not being fed, being… I don't even want to think about it.  _

"Everything… everything hurts, Joel." Ellie croaked, looking up at the older man momentarily before darting her eyes to the side, embarrassed. "I'm really… really hungry." 

_ So they weren’t feeding her.  _ Joel thought, his stomach sending a rift of pain at the thought of Ellie not eating for a week. "Okay, as soon as we're done cleaning ya up, we'll get you some food in that belly of yours, kiddo." He swore, looking down at Ellie's face. Now that the blood was washed off, he saw a few bruises trailing down her right cheek and above her lips. What appeared to be a bite mark rested on her mouth, making Joel's stomach twist.  _ How could anyone do this? To a child… to her?  _ Joel heaved a sigh, dipping warm water on the bruises, washing them thoroughly. 

After he finished cleaning the blood on her forehead, he gently kissed it. He almost saw a smile crawl across Ellie's face, but it was a flicker. A ghost of who she was. David had broken her. "Ellie, I… I need you to take your layers off, I gotta get to the rest of these cuts, baby." 

She looked up at him, her lips parted and her expression showing that she suddenly felt sick. All in a second, she shot up, aiming to the side and vomiting in a pail beside her. Nearly nothing came up as her stomach was empty, not having had food in nearly over a week. Joel frowned, instantly pulling her hair up and stroking her back until she finished, pulling her knees to her chest. She shook as she dove for Joel's arms, suddenly exploding. Sobs echoed across the walls as Joel gripped her tightly, trying to get as little space between them as he could. 

"I'm never leaving you alone again, baby. You're safe now, he can't ever get to you again." Joel whispered in her ear, feeling his shirt dampen with each breath he took. "Never again." He whispered, swearing he would never let her out of his sight from now on. "It's us against the world, kiddo. We do everything together from now on."

"Okay…" She whispered the first word she'd spoken since he had found her. A tightness in Joel slowly unwound itself at hearing her voice, no matter how broken it was. Slowly, Ellie broke herself from Joel's grip, instantly wanting to dive back in and believe his words. They seemed like lies to her now. 

Ellie slowly unzipped her jacket, revealing absolutely nothing but a bra underneath. Joel's cheeks reddened, but he ignored it.  _ She needs me right now.  _ Joel's breath shifted as he saw the plethora of bruises on her chest, a red handprint on her bra, and the odd shape of her broken ribs poking through her skin. His fingers shook in his fists as he saw her injuries. "Joel…" she whimpered, sending a shiver through him. "I'm scared…" 

Joel felt his heartbreak as he looked up to her, tears suddenly swimming in his chocolate eyes. "I know, kiddo. I am, too… we'll do this together." Ellie nodded, their eyes meeting for a split second. "We'll get you through this."


	2. Chapter Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ellie experiences nightmares after her run in with David, and Joel tries to do everything he can to get her back to herself again.

_ No. Stop. I don't want this. Get off of me. Please, please stop. Joel... Names and screams echoed through Ellie's mind as she felt cold whipping against her. Fearfully, her eyelids opened, but she wished she hadn't done that. Joel was laid ahead of her, his body slumped over and his limbs shaking with blood. Smoke filled her lungs after Ellie realized where she was.  _

_ "Joel!" She yelped, reaching towards him only to find she wasn't able to move. "No, no, no, no, no." His face was drooling with blood. It oozed from his lips and dripped down his flannel shirt. It smelled of blood and smoke, but mostly… it smelled of  _ him.  _ David.  _

_ The rancid smell of cigarettes and flesh was in the air, growing stronger and stronger by the second. It was getting closer. "Joel. JOEL, please get up." Ellie was quickly sobbing, using all of her strength to just move an inch towards him.  _

_ To her surprise, it worked. She fell into his arms, the blood on him clearing as if it had never even been there. And then, Ellie suddenly felt blood dribble down her lip. An ocean of pain dawned upon her as she traded her pain for Joel's. "Joel, Joel, please… wake up, please." She sobbed, her exhaustion growing with each second that her pain increased. "Joel, come on, please."  _

_ The scent of David was increasing with each passing second, only making Ellie more and more frantic. "Joel, please-" Ellie was suddenly cut off from her pleas as something grabbed her foot, trying to steal her away from Joel. "NO!" She screeched, diving back into Joel's arms, begging they would wrap around her and tighten, ensuring her safety. "Get the fuck off of me!" Ellie sobbed, clawing at Joel. Suddenly, Joel jumped up, a gasp escaping his lips as he realized what was happening.  _

_ Joel's arms trapped Ellie, not letting David tear her away. Ellie was still crying, screams escaping her lips as she felt herself slip from Joel for a moment, slipping towards David more. "No! Joel!" Ellie squealed, looking up at her father figure. His eyes were full of terror when looked down at her but quickly switched to fury when his irises fell on David.  _

_ The much older man was trying to take Ellie from him, trying to  _ rape  _ her once again. Suddenly, white fury radiated from Joel and he raised his foot, causing a sick  _ snap  _ when it landed against David's face. David released Ellie momentarily, allowing Joel to scoop Ellie up, quickly scrambling away from the scene with her sobbing in his arms. Ellie looked up, only seeing Joel holding her against his chest.  _

_ Suddenly, her vision panned out as if she were watching a movie. She saw her own body, full of blood and tears. her shirt was in tatters and Joel looked down at her occasionally, whispering praise to her. "Joel, Joel, behind you." She whimpered, seeing David sprint after them, his deadly familiar machete hiding in his hand. "No, no..." Ellie whispered in a haled voice, her tears spilling onto her lips.  _

_ "It's okay, it's okay, don't cry, baby girl." Joel murmured, his chest vibrating as he spoke, running his hands through Ellie's hair as her eyes froze on David, who abruptly tackled Joel, causing Ellie to tumble to the ground, pain spilling to her ribs.  _

_ "Get off!" Ellie shrieked as David ran to her, trying everything to get him off. She kicked at him, fighting and screeching, though nothing seemed to work. He didn't even flinch. Instead, he shoved his lips against hers, seeming to enjoy how he fought against her, trying to move her mouth away desperately as she screamed into him. Out of the corner of her eye, Joel ran towards David, knocking him to the ground beside Ellie, who quickly retreated, her breath shaky as she spat on the ground, trying to get the taste of the beast out of her mouth. Ellie coughed, grabbing at her chest in pain. And then suddenly... there was a gunshot.  _

_ She felt herself fall to the ground next to Joel as she realized the bullet hole right between his eyes, taking her only reason to live away. "NO, NO! JOEL!" She sobbed, running towards him, not even seeing David anymore. Ellie had trouble breathing as she looked at Joel's slumped over his figure, blood dripping from his temples. "No, no, no, no, no, no, no." Ellie chanted, taking Joel in her arms and letting blood spill onto her jacket.  _

_ A horrible scream ran through the forehead as she felt David take her away from Joel. Ellie couldn't even feel anything anymore, the only thing she could see was Joel's dead body, now burned into her mind. A final, bloody scream sang through the winter air, sailing across the town as David once again began to have his way with her.  _

" _ NO _ !" Ellie screeched, her eyes screwed shut as she shook in her dream, tears roaring from her eyes. She grabbed at her body as if someone was doing the same. Joel shook her yet another time, tears beginning to prick at his dry eyes. " _ STOP _ !" Ellie squealed, trembling more and more with each second. 

Joel heaved her back onto his knee so that her head was in his lap as he continued to shake her, begging her small frame to stop screaming. "Ellie, goddamit, c'mon, baby! C'mon, it's just a dream. Come on, c'mon..." He whined, shaking her more. He then  _ extremely gently  _ slapped her, though it was too light to even make a sound. "Ellie, c'mon, c'mon." 

Terror was ripping through him as he tried to get the sounds of Ellie's first scream out of his head. It all happened in a second. He was sleeping, reliving that night over and over again where he'd lost Sarah, trying to forget it, and then... a scream rang through the air and he was by Ellie's side in less than a second. 

Joel didn't want to think about what had to happen to make her this terrified, but deep down, he knew the truth... he prayed that God would gift him by bringing that bastard back to life. He wanted to make him feel every ounce of pain he caused Ellie and more. Everything that Ellie had felt, that bastard deserved to feel ten-fold. "Ellie, Ellie, c'mon... c'mon, baby girl, c'mon. It's just a dream, I'm right here. I'm right here." 

Out of nowhere, Ellie gasped for air, her eyes shooting open all of a sudden as she screamed once more, though the end of the yelp broke off into a cry. Joel's blood ran with both relief and worry. He was glad she awoke from the nightmare, though now she had to live a new one. She had to wake up and remember what had happened to her. "Ellie, it's okay. It's okay. It was just a dream." Joel whispered, pulling her into his chest as the wave of sobs began to wash over her. 

She looked up at Joel, now able to see him with blood dripping down his lips and a bullet hole in his forehead. "Joel, you... I thought you..." She couldn't finish her sentence before a terrible cough came upon her, seizing her breath.  _ Her ribs ain't healin' good... no way we're leavin' tomorrow.  _

"I know, baby, it's okay. It's alright." Joel whispered against her, trying to fit all of her inside his arms, desperate to protect her from both the cold and the world. "I'm right here, see? I'm okay, we're okay, baby girl." Joel whispered to her, gently taking her chin in his hands and showing her his face, just to assure her that he was alive. she nodded slowly, diving into his arms, but then quickly retracting as if she had been burned, remembering she had done the exact same thing in her dream. "It's okay, just talk to me." 

_ Talk to him, Ellie. He can't help you unless you tell him...  _ She thought, arguing with herself in her brain. "I'm not sayin' you need to tell me what happened, kiddo, but... I can help you better if I know what happened." Joel reached his arm out as if walking towards an injured animal. Ellie accepted his grip, allowing him to once again take her in his arms.  _ You need to.  _

"A-after they got me... they made me do... things... for food, for water." Ellie gulped, hiding in Joel's arms, unable to look at him. Her face was a dim red, and she suddenly recognized she was ashamed of her misery. "I didn't eat much." Joel didn't know whether to be thankful or horrified by the fact that she didn't perform acts for the men. They made him nauseous. He hoped there were hunters left in the town. He would behead every last one of them for even touching Ellie like that if he saw a single one. "And then, I... I was fighting... him." 

_ She can't even say his name.  _ Joel somberly thought, squeezing Ellie tighter, trying to get as close to her as possible. "He... he made me go to the bath, and then everything was just gone... and I woke up, and... and everything hurt... down, down-" Her voice suddenly broke off as her tears overtook her, making Ellie collapse into a wave of sobs and gasps for air. 

Joel knitted his eyebrows together, quickly taking her out of his arms to look directly into her broken eyes. "Look at me, okay, baby? Look at me." She nodded, looking straight into his deep hazel eyes through her blurry vision. "I ain't  _ never  _ gon' let that happen to you  _ ever  _ again, alright? We're a pair now, baby girl. Us against the world. I ain't  _ ever  _ gonna let anyone touch a hair on your head." He swore, to which she nodded, almost smiling.  _ We're a pair now.  _ She thought in her head. If she was like she had been in spring, she would've been beaming now, but her emotions were dead and muted now. All she felt were the marks that David and the hunters had left on her, claiming her. 

"Do... do you promise?" Ellie asked, feeling her hands being taken in Joel's grip. He once again looked dead into her eyes, their pupils meeting directly. He saw an ocean of pain in her eyes, hidden in the green sparkles. He saw David, doing sickening things to her in the bathtub and the restaurant, and suddenly, he wanted to throw up. 

"I swear." He nodded, once again feeling her leap into his arms quickly as a crack of thunder ran through the air, catching both of them off guard. "It's okay, just some rain." He murmured, hiding his head in her hair.  _ It's a miracle she got out of there... I was so close to losing her _ .  _ I can't... can't do that again.  _ "You think you're okay to try to go back to sleep?"

"... Can you stay with me?" She asked, feeling weaker than ever. He didn't say anything, just carried her, placing her small body back on the mattress and covering her with a blanket he had miraculously found in the town. Joel soon laid beside her, though he didn't grant himself the blanket.  _ She needs it more.  _ He thought, feeling her cold hands in his grip.  _ I'm never letting go of you again.  _ "Thank you." She whispered, hiding her head in his chest as he wrapped his arms around her, rubbing her back in an attempt to soothe her. 

"Night, baby girl." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh my god, thank you everyone so much for the support on the first chapter alone! there will definitely be another update soon, and if you want me to incorporate anything specific into a future chapter or have any asks, ask me! i'm going to write them into being on the road soon, so if you guys want me to write anything that happens to them on the road, be sure to ask! Also, to clarify, this is a father/daughter fic! If you're expecting any romance between ellie and joel, it's not going to happen. maybe i'll have some original character romance between either one, but no ellie and joel! comments and kudos are entirely appreciated!


	3. Chapter Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ellie begs Joel to leave, but he isn't sure. What else does this hell hole have in store for them?

"No, Ellie."

"Joel, I'm fine, really! I just want to get out of here." She pleaded, giving him the saddest face that she could come up with. The nightmares that had plagued her for a week had her terrified of every little sound. She tried to keep the memories of Joel comforting her more clear than the terrifying night-terrors, but it was to no avail. It had been a week and she hadn't made any progress of getting that _fucker's_ bald eyes from her brain. "Please, please, I'm done with this shithole, Joel."

"Look, Ellie. Your ribs are still broken and you have bruises coverin' every inch of you. You can't walk for more than an hour." Joel stated firmly, yet gently. Her wounds -both physically and mentally- were exposed to him, and he knew how vulnerable and weak she felt. He'd never seen her like this. The only time she'd not been guarded around him was the last seconds of fall he could recall. He could recall her tears streaming down her face, dropping onto his skin. It was then they both knew how they felt about each other. 

"Fine, we can take a break each hour. We've been here for a week, I want to get the fuck out of here, Joel." She whimpered, her lips tugging as she tried not to close her eyes, knowing whose face would plague the darkness. "I don't want to be here anymore..."

"Oh, baby... I know. Look, if..." He sighed, placing his hand on his temples, knowing he'd regret his decision later on when Ellie was collapsing from her wounds or starving from the lack of food she'd been given in the past month. _She always fed me first when I was out, I can tell. How long has she been without food? I've tried to give her what I can, but a twinkie and two cans of peaches isn't exactly a meal._ "... if you _promise_ ... _promise_ you'll take it easy... we can pack up and get goin'." 

Her face twisted into the smallest of smiles, one you would need a magnifying glass to see. She nodded, hurriedly going to pack her bags. The awful aroma of David had been rubbed on her clothing, so Joel abided by her request, getting her a new backpack and new clothes, matching his own flannels. Somehow, he was able to find a new charm for her bag... it was the first time he had seen her smile since the University. A small astronaut's helmet now hung from her jet-black bag. A drop of blood was splattered across the glass of the helmet, making sure that Ellie couldn't go too long without being reminded of her trauma. "We need to find out where we are, get back on the trail to Salt Lake City." 

"Okay," Ellie responded shortly, shoving her blanket and pillow in her bag, taking out her gun and loading it. Joel sighed, looking back at the sight. Two knives hung in her pocket, one her mother's switchblade and the second a shiv blade. Thirdly, a pistol lived between her hands, her trauma certifying it would stay there forever. She was so... so scared now. Scared of every little sound, every snap of a twig. 

Joel tried to get her to go outside for the first time yesterday, which resulted in her shooting a bird that flew by her, thinking it was one of the hunters. _I need to fix this. There's gotta be somethin' I can do to get her back._ "Alright, I found us a map." Joel pulled out an ancient sheet of paper, circling locations on the map. "Okay, we're here." _Hodel. That's the name of this fucking shithole._ Ellie thought, looking down at the map in anger. "We need to go northwest to get to Salt Lake City." 

"This one time, Sarah, Tommy, 'n I all went to this big soccer game in Salt Lake City. Reckon you'd like something like that." Joel looked over to Ellie, who was intently following his every word about getting out. It was the first time he'd seen her listening to him in a week. Her mind was plagued with nightmares, even during the day. Sometimes it would get so bad that Joel had to physically shake her to wake her from her trance. 

"Sounds like too many people," Ellie replied quickly, remembering Bill's words from his town. _"The Infected, they're predictable, have patterns. It's the normal fucking people that scare me." He was right._ Ellie thought, thinking back to the dozens of hunters she had to bludgeon just to get back to Joel. To get back to him... it was worth it. It had to be worth it. Joel _wouldn't_ abandon her like everyone else. He wouldn't... _he said we're a team now. That means something... right?_ "At least the Infected are more predictable. The normal people... they're worse." 

"Ellie. You know you can talk to me about this. About these things, you're feeling. It's okay to not be okay-"

"I'm fine." She lied, grabbing her bag, and rushed up the stairs, clutching her ribs, but still trying to hide she was in pain. _Damn it, baby girl. Talk to me. I don't want to find you with your wrists... no, Jesus, Joel. No. She wouldn't do that. She'll talk to me about how she's feeling._

 _I can't believe that fucking waste of life actually did it... he raped her. He did that to a child. My child. He's fucking lucky he got the mercy of death. I would've let him sing pain while I took out his throat._ Joel growled, having a sudden flashback to his hunter days, something Ellie still wasn't aware of. Jesus, what would she think now? Would he ever be able to tell her? Would she be upset? _Of course, she will be... maybe I'll never have to tell her. No, Joel... that's wrong. She told you what happened here, you need to tell her what you've done._

"Joel, the snow stopped, can we please get the fuck out of here before it starts again? Ellie called, her voice still hoarse and dead. She was nowhere even close to being back to her normal self… he missed her stupid jokes, but mostly he missed her laugh. It wasn’t rare, or… it didn’t use to be, at least. But now, he couldn’t remember the last time he heard her laugh. _Was it when we first got to Tommy’s? Before… before I tried to leave her. I tried to leave her after I knew what she went through. How did she ever forgive me?_ “Joel!” 

Joel nodded, quickly rushing up the steps, careful of the pain hiding in his abdomen. _How the hell did a child stitch me up this good?_ Joel didn’t want to know where she’d gotten the skill… he knew how cruel her earlier years were, even if she didn’t bring it up. Joel always wondered where she'd gotten her scar from.

Ellie didn’t like being far from Joel for even a second. Hell, she had to go to the bathroom yesterday and she forced him to go upstairs with her and wait outside the door, keeping her hand on the wood the entire time she was inside, desperate to feel the warmth of his hand beyond the door. “Don’t worry, I’m right here.” Joel appeared behind her, but before he opened the door, he looked her in the eyes, knowing there were probably hunters outside, still unaware their group had been slaughtered. Joel and Ellie had effectively taken out the majority of them, but mostly Ellie. He saw the bodies that were piled in the building she’d been kept in. It bordered twenty… _no child should have to do that._

“Listen to me, out there, you stick to me like glue. We see _anyone_ , you go for cover. You’re not in any shape to fight, kiddo.” Ellie nodded somberly, grasping deep down he was right. Her hair was messy, tied back into a higher ponytail now, one that protected the rest of her hair from grip so it couldn't be pulled. She had forced Joel to burn her clothing and her old bag, due to the scent of David that polluted it. Now, she wore one of Joel's flannels -it was much too big on her small frame- and a pair of jeans Joel had scavenged the previous day.

"You'll... you'll keep your promise?" Ellie asked, looking up at him with large, tragic eyes. His breath shuddered and quickly took Ellie in his arms, dropping his bag beside him. He remembered not to squeeze her too tightly due to her ribs but made sure she felt his embrace. 

"I ain't ever lettin' _anyone_ touch you again, Ellie. I swear on my life." She felt her fingers turn warm as she hugged him back, nodding against his back and letting her eyes painfully prick with tears. Exhaustion weighed her body down, and a single delay could mean a bullet to the head in the world they lived in. She hadn't gotten _any_ sleep in two weeks, not since... since she was taken. Joel was right, if anyone took her in a physical fight, she didn't stand a chance. Ellie was in a constant state of one breath away from collapsing, her ribs making it harder and harder to walk with each step. _She really should be restin'._ "Do ya believe me?"

Ellie took a second before nodding, pulling away from Joel and taking a deep breath. "Yeah..." Ellie sniffled, feeling the winter breeze make its way down her body, chilling each injury and cut. It was the first time she'd been out since... since that night. Suddenly, all of the memories returned to her: Joel washing caked blood from her face, David's perverted words as he dishonored her. 

Cold air ran through her damaged lungs as she took a breath, stalling on the porch for a second and looking out at the snow. How was something so beautiful so _painful_ ? The snow glistened in the sunlight, though it could only remind her of her trauma now and nothing else. _Nothing else._

 _"Get off of me, you fucking creep!" Ellie screamed, reaching for David's machete only for him to toss it across the room, diminishing the tiny amount of hope that lived in her._ This is it. This is how I'll die. _"Fucking stop!" Ellie sobbed, pushing as hard as he could, though it was to no avail. "GET OFF!"_

_David ground against her, making her sick as his jeans met her near-nude body, providing goosebumps among each inch of skin. "You should try beggin'."_

_Ellie's eyes squinted shut with tears. She shook her head, her body trying to reject what the much older man was doing to her._ Joel, Joel where are you? Where are you, are you alive? _Ellie thought, her mind grasping for the only scrap of hope she had left. "Fuck you!" Ellie roared, successfully slipping away from him for just a second, the fire around them sending smoke into her lungs._

_Her legs propelled her as rapidly as possible away from David, but it was no use. Soon enough she felt herself being tackled to the ground, a sickening snap sounded from her ribs. "FUCK!" Ellie screeched in pain at her broken rib, trying to move her hand towards it but was blocked by David._

_"I told you... we could've been friends. It didn't have to end like this."_ Friends... friends? You molested me, assaulted me, you piece of shit. _Ellie snarled loudly, trying to shove him off once more but failing. And then she saw it. The rubber hilt of the machete just beyond her reach._ I have a chance... but do I want it? _Ellie asked herself, debating in her mind while using her last stretches of strength to keep David off._ Joel needs me. I need to get back to Joel. He needs me. 

_David howled in pain when Ellie kicked him between his legs, pausing him for a second. Ellie grabbed the hilt of the machete, just barely getting it in her grasp as David recuperated, his fist moving towards Ellie. "You little bitch! You're a-"_

_The blade of the machete rammed against David's face, making him screech in pain like a child. Still, he spat out words through the blood quickly slicing through his cheek. Ellie knew she'd never get the horrific sight from her head. It looked almost like his lips had been peeled off, a fitting punishment for what he had forced Ellie to go through. His eyes looked bald without their lids, but somehow, he was still talking. "You little_ whore _, I'm going to do it all over again you-"_

_Ellie cried out, swinging down the machete again in anger. Every brush of her face, everything he did to her the previous night while she was unconscious... all of her pain suddenly increased tenfold, roaring down into her swing as the metal struck every part of David's face. She scraped his lips off, remembering all the times he had kissed her, ignoring how she fought against it. She took his eyes for all of the times he had knocked her unconscious, making sure to take advantage of it. She took his nose, remembering the horrible smell of whiskey and blood that filled his flesh, always giving Ellie the urge to vomit. Finally, she drove the now dull machete into his lower half, sobbing as she recalled what he'd done to her as she was knocked unconscious. She still could feel the pain tracing from the inside of her legs. "Fuck you..." She sobbed, not stopping, though her strikes slowly grew weaker, and then all of a sudden, two strong arms wrapped around her, tearing her back. "NO! GET THE FUCK OFF OF ME!" Ellie sobbed, trying to claw her way out of the grip, desperate to continue her job with David's now barely recognizable corpse. His face was a bloody stump and only his bald eyeballs were visible. They bore into Ellie's eyes._

" _GET OFF_ !" _Ellie screeched, pushing her way out of the grip but finding she tripped, collapsing from exhaustion. She had no fight left in her. "Get off of me!" She wailed, barely escaping the man's grip and running towards David's pistol, which had fallen to the floor. The gun found a home in her hands and she pointed it towards the arms that had seized her, spinning around and aiming the gun. "Leave, now." She cried, slowly looking towards the face, not even able to see who she was glancing at through her tears._

_"Ellie, it's me. It's me, I'm here." Joel whispered, slowly approaching her. With an ocean of fear in her heart, she knew it was just a vision. It was just a trick, just a nightmare to get her to surrender. And with the blood in her veins pausing, she fired. But nothing shot. An empty click met her ears as she saw the face before her die, seeing the amount of pain she'd been through before he awoke. "Ellie..." He whispered, quickly feeling dead weight jump into his arms, gasping sobs escaping the child's mouth. "It's okay, it's okay."_

_"He... he-" Another wave of horrific cries interrupted her confession, though he knew what the next word was. Joel looked to the body beside her, his eyebrows knitting together in anger. For a second -just a second- he wanted to load Ellie's gun and make sure the bastard was dead. In case he wasn't, Joel wanted the man to feel as much pain as possible. The more blood and tears he could draw from the man the better._

_"Oh, baby girl. It's okay, it's okay." He whispered, pushing a strand of her hair back behind her ear, which was doused with blood. Ellie's ears perked up at the name, but it was only for a second._ Baby girl... He called me baby girl. _She thought, wincing painfully. It felt as if it were a trick. A 'hey, you survived, but tomorrow you'll have to deal with twice the pain and nightmares.'_

_"Joel." She whined, sobbing in his chest, the machete still sticking from David's face. The smoke choked her lungs, pausing her sobs and morphing them into horrible coughs as she gasped for air, salty tears swimming down her bloody cheeks. "He... I..."_

_"Sh, I know. It's alright. Listen, we gotta get outta here, okay? Too much smoke." Ellie nodded, her eyes fixed on the disturbing body of David, but she found she didn't regret it one bit. Joel turned her head away with his hand, hiding it in his chest. "It's better if you don't look, baby girl." He instructed, remembering Sarah's bullet-ridden, bloodied body in his arms. He carried her for two days back to the graveyard next to their home... she was buried next to her mother._

_"I... I did that."_

_"No, baby. He did. C'mon, we've gotta get outta here before you pass out... can you walk?" He asked, cringing as another horribly dry cough came from Ellie's lungs, due to the smoke around them. Grime and ash-covered her clothing, but mostly the odor of blood and snow. Her cheeks stung with the cold and she struggled to get up, swinging on her feet._

_"N-no." She cried, feeling Joel catch her as she nearly fell back down to the ground beside David's body. The smell of guts and intestines was filling the air, mixing with the smoke and charcoal._

_"Okay, it's alright, kiddo. You're okay now. You're okay."_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks everyone so much for the support! 300 reads in four days, that's amazing! once again, if you have a request for a chapter when ellie and joel get on the road, please comment it! thanks for reading! kudos and comments are always appreciated!


	4. Chapter Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ellie and Joel prepare to leave town, but can Ellie get over her trauma and fear before they do?

"Ellie. Ellie!" Joel shook her out of the nightmarish memory, clutching her arm gently and used his other hand to make her look into his eyes. Her emerald eyes were glazed over, as if she were looking the other direction, behind, into her mind. She was watching a memory, judging by her breathing, which was quick and quicker with each second until it bordered on hyperventilating. "Kiddo, come on!" 

In a second, Ellie's eyes seemed to clear. Joel's pupils met hers and she breathed slowly, regaining her composure. _Stop being weak. He won't let you leave if you're being weak._ Ellie hissed at herself in her mind, blinking and looking back up at Joel. "Shit, sorry, I... I was just thinking, I didn't hear you. I'm fine, I'm good." Ellie nodded, continuing down the steps towards the exit of the town, but quickly felt a tear on her wrist. 

"Ellie, it's been a week, we need to talk about this!" Joel whispered quietly and gently, carefully watching the expressions on her face. _I told you, what else do you want? Do you want me to be okay again? I'm never_ going _to be okay again, Joel. Never._ "You can talk to me about how you feel, kiddo. We need to trust each other."

"I told you what he did, okay? What else do you need me to do?" Ellie asked, genuinely curious what Joel wanted. Joel sighed, placing his left knee on the ground and looking into Ellie's eyes. His hair was gray, mostly from the constant state of dust that seemed to hang over him. Slight snowflakes laid on his shoulders from when he'd gone hunting the previous day, though they weren't lucky enough to find anything other than a rabbit, which Ellie threw up: plagued by David's words. _Run, little rabbit... run._

 _He hunted me like an_ animal. _I'm glad the bastard's dead._ "I just need you to tell me what you're feeling, kiddo. We're in this together." _No, we aren't. You didn't get molested, you didn't have to kill all those bastards._ He saw the words on her lips as she bore her eyes into the snow beneath her, wondering if everything was her fault... _If I just didn't trade for that medicine... if I hadn't gone hunting... I wouldn't be so... so broken._ "I know that I can't understand what you're goin' through right about now, but... help me understand. Help me take some of that of your shoulders, baby." _He's right... it'll help. It's Joel, he's right. He's always right._

"I... I don't think I'm gonna be okay for a little bit." Ellie responded, looking up at Joel with tears in her eyes. They froze in her eyes due to the cold, only making the pain in her little body grow. "What those... those assholes did, I... I had to kill so many people, Joel. I'm a murderer."

"No, no, get that idea out of that head of yours." Joel shook his head violently and took both of Ellie's hands, holding them in his. They warmed up temporarily in his palms, where both of her hands fit easily. _She ain't growin' right... really ought to get that checked if we go back to Jackson._ "None of that is your fault, Ellie. They pushed you to that, the things they did... they were _sick._ You ain't a murderer, you protected yourself. I'm proud of you-"

"No, don't... don't say that," Ellie whispered, hiding in his chest. "Don't say you're proud of me when I feel so stupid." She sniffled, feeling Joel's muscular arms wrap around her, making her almost feel warm and fuzzy. _I'm so dumb. I knew that I shouldn't have trusted them. I was so stupid, what was I thinking?! How did I not think they wouldn't track me?_

"You _ain't_ stupid, Ellie. You've had to grow up so fast, do things no one your age should do. You _are_ strong." Joel stated firmly, making her look directly into his eyes. Bags lived under both of their eyes. Due to Ellie's nightmares, Joel made sure to stay with her all night, making sure she was getting at least an hour of sleep. But due to her nightmares, it was hard. Whenever he felt her breath quicken, he would run his hands down her back, gently rubbing it. It always seemed to calm her down, feeling his touch. 

She didn't respond, just simply blinked and continued down the steps, moving towards the massive sign that welcomed everyone coming towards the town to hell. Joel sighed, running his hands through his dark brown hair, feeling the silver that hid in between. The only sound between them was the crunch of the snow underneath them, which only made Ellie's stomach sick. She remembered in her dream where Joel had broken David's nose. Ellie squeezed her shut as she remembered Joel's slumped over figure, blood pouring from his head onto her clothing. 

Joel quickened his pace, walking next to her and looking down at her. _She's so tiny._ He smiled to himself but felt a small rush of worry bleed through him over the fact. _Should get it checked out when we go back to Jackson... she's too tiny for fourteen._ He wanted to say something as he saw her dead face, he really did... but he didn't know whether to give her space or make her talk to him. He didn't know what to do; it wasn't like he'd ever done this before. The worst Sarah had ever been was when no one asked her to the sixth-grade dance, but her tears dried in less than a minute. Sarah was never raped. Ellie had to go through so many things and hurt so many people... it just wasn't fair. 

Ellie's footsteps paused as they passed the border of the town. She tried to remember when they first arrived, Joel being dragged behind her by Callus as she led the horse, freezing from the cold. Her cheeks burnt as she remembered the blizzard. The entire way from the University, she cried, trying to fix Joel as best as she could, not knowing if he'd even survive or not. At one point, she had stripped down to her shorts and T-shirt, scared by Joel's pale skin. She passed out in the snow. It was a miracle that Callus nudged her awake, able to wake her. 

"Ellie..." Joel rippled, tapping her on his shoulder. He nudged her once again, witnessing her move her head towards him slowly, barely taking in his actions. "You alright?" _I know she isn't. I need to talk, she ain't gon' start._ Ellie's eyes were suddenly shining, looking straight through Joel. "Oh, baby." Out of nowhere, Ellie began crying, her ribs disagreeing with it, and making her hem and weep continuously. 

"You weren't there. You didn't... you didn't see. I... I killed so many people, Joel. I'm supposed to be the one that saves everyone, not kills them." Ellie whined in his chest, tears quickly wetting his chest. Her head went just below where his arms met his chest. He smelled like freshly-smoked cigars and the forest. The smell of the leaves could be determined from his shirt, but now that winter was here, it diminished. The trauma took his smell too, making him smell like blood and cold sweat. "I didn't have _anyone._ I was alone for so long. I had no idea if you were even going to survive." 

Out of all the times he had heard her cry, she sounded the most tragic here. Her breath sucked in as much as it could but then it let out a sputter of coughs due to her ribs. He rubbed her back, just as he would during she was having a nightmare. It was even worse than when he had found her that horrible night a week ago. Her cries consumed her, making her shake and tremble horribly. Suddenly, Joel spoke, and she froze. 

_"Someday, when I'm awfully low, when the world is cold."_ Her crying momentarily paused as his voice swam through her, soothing her. 

_"When I get you out of this, you're singing for me."_ He felt her hug him tighter, her arms squeezing him as he sang. The wind howled around them moments ago but now, it was silent, waiting for Joel to finish his song. 

_"I will feel a glow just thinking of you and the way you look tonight."_ Ellie placed her hand on his heart, feeling it beat back and forth. She focused on his words and the rhythm of his heartbeat, trying to calm herself down. Her coughing ceased but her crying continued, just at a lesser volume. Suddenly, everything seemed worse and better. Remembering to before the winter just made her sadder and she suddenly cried more, making Joel pause for a second. " _Yes, you're lovely, with your smile so warm And your cheeks so soft."_

Her cries decreased again, remembering that they would be together again after they eventually got to the Fireflies. _We'll be together. We'll be together, wherever we want to go. No Infected, no... no hunters. Just us. "There is nothing for me but to love you And the way you look tonight. With each word, your tenderness grows tearin' my fear apart."_ Ellie sniffled, hidden in Joel's arms. His scent was beginning to return and the odor of blood was beginning to dissipate. She recognized his smoky smell, but the other half was now replaced with the smell of infection due to his wound. " _And that laugh wrinkles your nose touches my foolish heart. Lovely... never change."_

She finally smiled, an act that he could feel from the fabric of his shirt. He smiled as he continued, his skin wrinkling with the expression of relief. _You're still in there._ " _Keep that breathless charm. Won't you please arrange it? 'Cause I love you just the way you look tonight."_ Joel crooned, running her now greasy hair as he harmonized, making sure that she was still down there. That she was still alive. _I still have you. You're still alive. You're still here, baby girl._

" _And that laugh that wrinkles your nose: it touches my foolish heart. Lovely... Don't you ever change. Keep that breathless charm._ " He continued rubbing his hand up and down her back, feeling the faint warmth even through her winter layers. The world was silent around them, watching the only good thing left in the world. The relationship between them -the connection of a child and a parent- had survived the hell that was thrown at the world. _They_ survived, they were made _for_ each other. Two pieces of a puzzle that didn't fit until years after they were made. 

" _Won't you please arrange it? 'cause I love you... just the way you look tonight. Mm, Mm Mm, Mm, just the way you look tonight._ " As he finished, he felt her release a shaky breath and release him momentarily to clear the tears from her face. He looked down, keeping his head in between his chest and the nape of her neck. 

"That didn't suck." She whispered against him, her voice a fragile ghost of what it once was. He chuckled to himself, placing the rebellious strand of hair behind her ear and feeling it curl around his finger. 

"Listen, baby." He whispered, placing his head right next to her ear. "I am _so_ sorry that you were alone all that time, but I want you to know... I ain't _ever_ leavin' you alone again. We're a team now, you and me. Endure and survive, right?" She smiled, sending an ocean of relief through his ribs. _I can do this. I can bring her back. I can get my baby back._

"Yeah... endure and survive." She whispered, reaching up and wrapping her hands around his neck, hugging him as tight as she could. "Yeah." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks everyone so much for reading! comments and kudos are greatly appreciated and as always, have any asks for a future chapter, just... y'know, ask. also, ngl, this chapter got me a little teary-eyed writing it haha. hope you enjoyed!


	5. Chapter Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Joel and Ellie leave Ellie's nightmare, trying to move on. But what happens when Ellie can't?

"Joel, my… my ribs hurt. I think I need to rest for a bit." Ellie admitted, though her ribs had been on fire for nearly an hour already. _Probably not good._ Ellie had thought a while ago, but she didn't want to burden Joel. 

"Okay, reckon we gotta stop and rest anyway, kiddo." Joel nodded, feeling Ellie's hands lace with his. He looked down towards her, searching his eyes. It had been a week since they left the horror town. Two weeks since David. Ellie seemed the same, but there were small cracks that showed her old personality. 

"Hey, Joel…" Ellie began, smiling slightly. The sight of her smile warned him, assuring he could get her back. "... what do you call a man with a rubber toe?"

Joel's head nearly spun around. He felt himself take a deep breath, a full breath. _Oh my God._ Joel thought, his fingers tightening around Ellie's. Suddenly, he felt tears pricking in his eyes and had to clear his throat before responding. "I… I dunno, what _do_ you call a man with a rubber toe?" He asked, his voice hoarse. Ellie must have heard the hoarse voice because he felt her grip tighten around him.

This was a victory. Victory over those cannibalistic pricks, victory over the world. Ellie was still there, his baby was still there. And even though she was nowhere near recovering, it was hope. Hope she would get better. "Roberto."

Joel chuckled his face cold from the last hint of winter. Small flurries whipped around them, but it wasn't exactly a down-pour. 

"That's a good one." Joel smiled, glancing around them. "Hey, looks like we got us a place to sleep, kiddo." Joel pointed towards a large building that rested in the town they had found themselves in. It looked like a school of some kind.

"I dunno, Joel… it looks really big." Ellie thought aloud, her trauma getting the better of here. _Too many Infected._ Joel frowned, rubbing her shoulder. 

"Don't worry, it's just for the night. Then we get outta here for Salt Lake." Ellie nodded, thinking back to the fireflies. _This will all be worth it._ She promised herself, trying to remember herself from before Joel. Back when she was in the quarantine zone. God, it was horrible. Not knowing any love or friendship after Riley's death... the trauma of having a pistol aimed directly between her eyes in the place where she was supposed to learn. _"We kill Fireflies or we die, girl,"_ Ellie remembered the slaps she used to endure when sympathizing with the Fireflies. It was even worse after Riley died. One time she'd been sent to bed without food for a week. Her hand brushed her cheek, feeling the bruise that had healed long ago, remembering one of her instructors. 

_"But... aren't Fireflies just trying to protect themselves?" Ellie asked, glancing at the instructor's BB gun. They were learning how to shoot. Each dummy had a firefly insignia... Ellie could only think of Riley, not knowing if she was even alive._

_The instructor suddenly paced towards her and before she knew it, Ellie felt a lick of pain travel across her cheek while a loud_ smack _filled the air. "We kill the fireflies, you insolent brat." The imposter spat at Ellie's feet as the girl felt tears pool in her eyes, believing the lie. Insolent brat... she thought._

"Hey, you okay, kiddo?" She must've stopped walking because Joel looked into her eyes, his warm hazel irises staring into her emerald ones. "Ellie?" She nodded, taking her hand from her skin and staring at it as if she hadn't been controlling her own body. Joel looked forward, beckoning her to explain, though she didn't do much of that. 

"Just... bad memories," Ellie muttered, watching as Joel's ribcage slowly rose, and action that caused her pain. "I'm fine, Joel." She promised him, nuzzling his grip as he cupped her cheek in his hand, his eyes sad. 

"You don't need to do that around me, kiddo. It's just us."

"Do what?" She asked, closing her eyes and feeling the cold wind brush her hair, sending her hair flying at either side of her skin. Joel frowned, taking Ellie in his arms and squeezing tightly until all she could feel was him surrounding her, protecting her. 

"You can talk to me, kiddo. Tell me what you're feelin', what you're rememberin'." Joel whispered, rubbing his hand up and down Ellie's back. He knew her childhood was bad, it had to be growing up in the world that existed then... he didn't know it was _this_ bad. 

"I'm fine, I promise," Ellie responded, breaking her grip from Joel and moving towards the school, a deep sigh fluttering across her lips. _She's in a funk... I need ta get to her somehow._ He frowned, remembering the joke she'd made seconds ago. _It's like every time I think she's healed she's reminded of how hurt she is._

"Okay..." Joel sighed, a hurt expression on his face. _She's never done that before._ He felt a coldness in his arms where Ellie had pushed away his hug. Joel wondered if he did something wrong if he was _doing_ something wrong. Why had she pushed him away?

As they entered the school, Ellie sighed, having a million different memories slamming her at once, most of them consisting of Riley. _It was my fault she died. I knew that music was a bad idea and I went along with it anyway._

"Ellie."

"I said I'm fine, Joel." She responded quickly, unholstering her pistol and holding it in her arms. "Sorry, can we... just clear this place and get out as soon as possible, please? I'm tired and my ribs hurt." Joel sighed, nodding and rubbing her shoulder, looking towards the two hallways. 

"Be careful. You run into anything, you come and get me and we do it together." Joel leaned on his knee, bending down to her height. _She's so tiny... can't be healthy. Really gotta get it checked out._

"I know. I'll be careful." She promised, heading down the hallway and listened to his footsteps as he followed the other way, looking back down at him only to find he was gone already. Ellie sighed, her hands tightening around the grip of her pistol. 

Ellie never liked being a foot away from Joel, much less across an entire building. It felt wrong not having him with her at all times. They were like each other's limbs: necessary for survival. If one of them disappeared, the others would be crippled. "Okay, okay... just clear it, Ellie." She hissed to herself, trying to steady her painful breathing. It hurt to even exhale, it had for a while... she ignored it. She didn't want to be a burden to Joel, though she knew it was impossible. 

As her footsteps echoed through the school, she heard a sniffle emerge from her body, not even noticing it. _Riley would love this._ Ellie smiled gently, thinking of everything she had seen over the months she had been out. When she thought about it, her smile slowly disappeared. 

It was too quiet. Ellie felt a shiver run down her body as she felt another pang of pain run through her ribs. Suddenly she grabbed at it, coughing. It was like she couldn't breathe and she coughed and coughed, making too much noise than she should have. Finally, it cleared, but the noise didn't. "Fuck…" She whimpered, seeing a drop of blood on her lips where she had covered her cough."Probably not good." She recited, wiping the blood on her sweatshirt and pretending she didn't see it. _Can't worry Joel right now. He's too anxious with me already._

Ellie continued through the hallway, her grip tightened around the holster of her gun. "Okay, okay…" She whispered, whining and looking back towards the path where Joel had left her. She wanted to go back, but she also knew it was her obligation to clear this half of the school. "Hello?" Ellie whispered, turning her flashlight on. _Spores._ Ellie muttered, walking through them with ease. They smelled like dust and sickness. She wrinkled her nose and continued through the hallway. 

Papers and binders were scattered throughout the corridor, giving Ellke an eerie feeling. It felt as if she were back in Boston, back before she mattered. It felt like nothing she did mattered. As Ellie was swarmed in memories, she didn't notice the heavy footsteps behind her. An acrid smell filled the room and snapped her out of her daydreams. 

Before she had time to react, a large, disgusting arm grabbed her, slamming her against the wall. Her ribs slammed against a door, causing a spurt of blood to fall from her lips. " _FUCK_!" She whimpered and screamed in pain, getting up as quick as she could and ran from the bloater as quickly as possible, grabbing at her ribs in pain and panting. She sprinted towards the hallway where Joel was, pained gasps coming from where she was struck and where she hit the wall. 

" _Joel_ !" She cried, feeling the bloater's footsteps rumble the ground inches behind her. " _JOEL_!" She screamed, not caring how much noise she was making. It was bad, she could hear more footsteps coming from behind her, nearly close enough to grab her hair. 

Ellie suddenly remembered the pack hanging around her shoulders and gripped her gun. Bullets fired through the air as she ran. The bloater grew closer and closer to her. With each breath she grew more exhausted and frantic, searching for Joel. " _JOEL!"_

Joel's head looked up, instantly hearing the gunshots run through the school. Instantly, one thought screamed in his ears. _Ellie, no._ Joel threw down the pencils he had found, completely forgetting his makeshift gift for Ellie. 

Adrenaline coursed through him as he sprinted down the halls, looking for where they had split up. As he ran, a single sound deafened everything else. A whimper ran through the hall: _Ellie's whimper._ "Ellie! _ELLIE?!_ " He yelled her name, looking for any sign of life.

Joel quickened his pace, finding the door she had gone through blocked. Small imprints of hands banged against the glass before their eyes connected through the transparent door. "Joel, Joel!" She yelled, looking back. Ellie was talking too fast to decipher, but he could make out bits as he pressed his hand to hers through the glass. "Bloater, there's a…" She broke into a coughing fit, only making Joel bang against the glass door more. 

"Fuck, _fuck_ !" Joel yelled, banging his fists against the door when it didn't budge. His expressions twisted in terror when he saw the bloater close behind her. _She needs to go._ Joel's eyes met hers and he saw the fear contained in those green irises. A small spurt of blood ran from her lip and he died inside, ramming against the door. "Look, baby girl, the door's stuck, you gotta go." He hollered, looking as the bloater came closer.

Ellie's face fell as she realized what he was saying. "N-no, Joel, Joel… I don't want to leave you." Ellie cried, looking back at the bloater slowly approaching, only a couple of yards away now. "Please, please, don't make me go, I'm scared." 

His heart broke as he pressed his hand against hers, feeling her warmth through the glass. "Listen, baby girl. You can do this. I will find a way to you, just run right now." He begged, watching the bloater grow closer and closer, and then it happened. It grabbed her, holding her by the neck and slamming against the glass. " _No, Ellie!"_ He roared, pushing against the door as hard as he could but it was no use. He was about to watch Ellie die in front of him. "You son of a bitch, let her go!" 

Miraculously, Ellie managed to scramble out of the thing's grip, though it left a purple bruise on her neck. Joel yelled in anger, desperate to get the monster to look at him, but it kept following her. It was almost like the bloater could sense that she was the only thing in the world that could fight it and keep it dead. Fight the Infection. "No, no." He muttered, his hands shaking as he looked for something, anything. Anything that could get him to her. All he could hear were the gunshots echoing from beyond the door. _C'mon, give me something here. Please, please. Please…_

"Fuck, fuck, fuck." Ellie sobbed, firing at yet another clicker who threw itself at her, knocking her to the ground. Her body had nothing left. It had been exhausted before they even entered the school and especially now after being chased by the bloater for minutes. A continuous thump ran through the building as it beckoned itself to her, getting quicker with each step. 

The thing was colossal, bigger than any other bloater she had ever seen. It smelled rancid, like a mix of flesh and popcorn. "Joel…" She whimpered, wanting his touch. Ellie wanted him to hold her again. There was no more energy in her body and with exhaustion in her veins, she continued running, knowing what she would do to Joel if she were to give up. "Motherfucker." Ellie hissed, sending bullet after bullet into the thing's skin. Ellie had one last hope, a final pipe bomb in her bag. She croaked, trying to keep a steady aim as she tossed the bomb, feeling it clink against the beast.

An explosion went off behind her as she realized her pipe bomb had exploded, temporarily deafening her. Blood splattered on her skin as she saw the bloater explode next to her. She felt disgusting suddenly, vomiting by her side as she took in the pain her body felt. Her ribs were burning in pain from when she had been thrown. Pieces of glass hung from her abdomen from when it slammed her against the glass. Her throat felt as if it had been squeezed beyond repair. With her throat and her ribs, she suddenly began hyperventilating, smearing the blood caking the left side of her freckled face. "Joel?" She cried out between raspy breaths, searching for him in the darkness. "Joel?!" 

Ellie dragged herself away from the body, blood covering her clothing. Her arms barely moved her away from the body and then suddenly, more footsteps were coming down the hall. "No, no… please, no." She whispered, taking her knife from her pocket and wielding it, her hands shaking. "Please…"

Her knife shook as she positioned herself against the wall, grabbing her abdomen in pain. "Joel…" She moaned, wondering where he was. Was he here? _Did he leave me?_ Ellie asked, shaking her head in rejection soon after. The footsteps became closer and closer, shaking her like a leaf. 

" _Ellie?_ " Ellie saw Joel's face illuminated in her flashlight and she let out a small whimper. The knife dropped from her hand as Joel took in the sad sight of her shaking in the darkness. He sprinted towards her, taking her in his arms. "Thank God…" He whispered, taking in the feeling of her in his arms, sensationalizing it. "Oh God, you're okay."

She nodded, whimpering, and crying like a hurt animal. As he pressed against her, she cried out in pain, clutching her abdomen. "Joel… I… I'm so tired." She muttered, feeling him release her.

 _No, no._ He thought in desperation, looking at the glass in her side. "No, no, stay awake, baby." He whispered, feeling the spot of blood in her sweatshirt. He pulled it up, seeing a large gash on her side. "Okay, kiddo, stay with me here. We can fix this." Ellie nodded weakly, looking into Joel's eyes. She felt safer with him already, even if she was slowly bleeding out. 

"In my… my bag, there's stuff." She uttered, pointing towards her bag. It laid next to the bloater, blood splattering it. "Fuck." Ellie swore, clutching her side. "I think, Joel, I think my ribs…" He shushed her, making his way back to her with a medkit. 

"I know, I know. It's gon' be okay, baby." He promised her, washing some of the blood off of her with his face. "I'm here now."

"I was so scared, Joel," Ellie whispered, not caring how small or kiddy she sounded. Right now, she needed Joel. The marks around her throat brought back too many memories and the pain surrounding her body was too much to bear. "I thought I was a goner."

"Hey, what did I say? I ain't never gonna let anything happen to you. From now on, we stick together." Joel assured her, opening the kit. Ellie moaned in pain again, her blood beginning to soak her jeans. 

"Joel, not to rush you, but…" She tried to joke, but her coughs made sure that the heavy mood stayed. "Fuck." 

"Okay, baby, this… I need to pull this out." Ellie grimaced, looking away for a moment. She felt his hand wiping a piece of hair back, caressing her lovingly. "I know, I'm right here," Joel whispered, tears blurring his vision. _"I'm never letting anyone touch a hair on your head." I failed. This is all my damn fault._ Joel frowned, his hand gripping around the shard of glass. "We'll be done after this, I promise." 

"Just do it," Ellie whined, squeezing her fists together as he nodded, obliging. " _Fuck_!" She cursed, her nails digging into her skin. Eventually, the glass was gone and a bloodied bandage was soon on her abdomen. "Shit…" She sighed in exhaustion, her lids closing for a second. "Okay, we're done now, right?" She smiled for a second but it quickly disappeared. 

"I have to pick you up, okay? We're gon' get you someplace to rest." Joel promised, wincing as Ellie moaned in pain after being picked up. 

"Wait, Joel, your arm." She whispered, noticing a cut from his arm. He had cut it on a tight fit while clearing the school. "You'll hurt… yourself." Joel smiled down at her, shaking his head. 

"You're too stubborn, kiddo." He smiled, but it quickly vanished when he noticed her exhaustion growing and growing. "Just look at me, Ellie." He ordered gently, moving her jaw with his finger. Their eyes connected and Ellie seemed to strengthen a bit at the sight of him. But then, she moaned in pain once again. "Ellie, how we doin'?"

"Better, I think." She spoke barely above a whisper, trying to conserve energy. "So tired, though… feels like I'm gonna pass out." She admitted, her skin still caked in blood. "Need a bath." 

"Okay, jus' hang on. Found a squatter room here." Joel nodded, pausing when he saw that _goddamn door._ The glass had broken, shattered by Ellie's body. It was a miracle none of the shards slit her throat or wrists. She was _nothing_ but lucky. "I promise, we're out of here tomorrow." He recognized the fearful look on her face. _She doesn't want to be here._

"Do we have… any food? I haven't eaten since yesterday." Joel nodded squeezing through the door and trotting towards the room. "Ow…" Joel frowned down at her, pressing his hand to her wound. The bandage was already soaked.

"We can get you some new dressing once you get some food in you." Ellie nodded, struggling to stay awake. It wasn’t from her injuries but her exhaustion. She hadn't had a good sleep in… well, she couldn't remember. It was before winter, she knew that much. "Okay, here we are."

Ellie took in the sight around her. A single king bed sat in the center of the room. Opened dressers and ripped posters hung on the walls, along with leaves and vines. "Alright, I'm gonna set ya down." 

She whimpered as her wound folded on the bed, sending a wave of pain through her. "Okay, okay." Joel finally breathed, taking a full sight of Ellie. Her throat had a dark bruise surrounding it and a few bit of small scratches from the glass. Her abdomen had stained blood onto her hoodie, continuing to bleed. Finally, there was Ellie herself. She could barely stay awake any longer, and they both knew if she fell asleep in this state, it wouldn't be a good thing. "Okay, here we go."

Joel opened his backpack, taking in the sight of what was in it. Two nail bombs, his weapons, ammo, and clothing for Ellie and him. He took out one of his flannels, knowing that it would calm her down with his distinct smell all around her. It always calmed her down. He also took a can of peaches from the bag.

"Gimme." Ellie breathed, taking the can quickly and opening it, accepting the plastic fork that Joel handed her. He had a small smile on his face as he watched her scramble to eat the peaches. 

"Slow, you'll make yourself sick, baby girl." He warned, but she didn't listen. Soon enough, the can was empty and she tossed it off of the bed carelessly. "Better?"

Ellie nodded, still sitting down. Her back was propped up against the headboard of the bed, allowing her to sit up slightly. "Yeah… still really fucking tired, though." 

"Okay. I just gotta wash you down then we can get some shut-eye, alright?" She sighed but nodded, shutting her eyes but remaining awake. "Okay." Joel took a scrap of clothing from his bag, dipping it in his canteen. The rag washed over her throat, clearing the blood from her bruise.

Joel remembered the terrifying sight of her being pressed against the glass. Christ, he… he had never been so terrified in his life. He really thought it was it. He thought his baby girl was going to die. "Agh." She breathed quickly as the rag drew over her ribs, coughing slightly.

"You gotta remember to take it easy, kiddo. These ribs ain't gonna heal if you don't." Ellie breathed heavily, but nodded, opening her eyes. "We're gonna be okay." 

"We're… we're safe now?" Joel nodded, smiling down at her gently. Ellie suddenly frowned, though: remembering her terror. "I thought I was dead. I thought… I thought you left me."

He felt a punch go through his chest, blindsiding him. "Listen to me, alright? That will _never_ , _ever_ happen. I'll die before we ain't together." 

"I can deal with that," Ellie whispered back, shutting her eyes. Joel frowned, running his fingers through her hair. "Where… where are we going tomorrow, Joel?"

"I reckon we ought to see if there's anything good in this town, then we'll hit the road again." Ellie nodded, coughing a little bit. Her breathing was still labored and her fists were clenched together in pain, but she was alive. His baby girl was okay. "Hey… get some rest, okay baby girl? Gotta get back on the road tomorrow if you're up for it." 

"Joel, what… what if I can't do it?" She suddenly blurted out, looking up at him with a scared expression. 

"Do what?"

"This, this whole… immunity thing. What if there is no cure? We both have thought about it." Ellie's voice was hoarse as she looked to Joel, asking him for help. He sighed deeply, taking her hand in his. She squeezed it tightly, still in pain. 

The room was quiet as she awaited his response, desperate for an answer. "Well, then I reckon… we go on. We can go back to Jackson, or… wherever you want, kiddo." She smiled, nuzzling her head into his arm, lovingly. 

"And… what if there is a cure? What do we do then?" Ellie's voice was weak and tired, but it was also filled with want. Ellie didn’t want this to change. Them, their dynamic. But if everything went to how it was decades ago… how would it work? 

"Then… we stick together. Things will change, but we'll always be together. _That_ ain't ever gonna change, kiddo." Joel swore, crossing his heart and making eye contact with her. She nodded, coughing once more. "C'mon, time you get some rest. Must be exhausted, poor baby." 

"Yeah, no shit." She replied quietly, shutting her eyes as Joel moved next to her, both of them fitting on the bed comfortably. He felt her shuffle next to him, taking his arm in hers and using it as it were a stuffed animal, cuddling with it. "'Night, Joel." 

He smiled, taking in the sight of her small figure next to him. _I almost lost you._ He thought, feeling his throat almost close. _God, I almost lost you… what would I have done?_ He knew what the answer was, sickly staring at the revolver sitting on his backpack. _You jump, I jump._ "Goodnight, my baby girl." He saw her smile right before he drifted to sleep. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks everyone for reading! I'm so grateful for all of the love this story has gotten in like a week! Comments are really appreciated, and always make my day, as well as kudos! Update in two days! really long chapter, so next one might be a bit shorter, but i was really excited to get this out! as always, ask me if you have a request for any future chapters! anything at all besides smut of course!


	6. Chapter Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ellie and Joel recover from their nightmare the previous day as Ellie recovers from her injuries.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> got an ask on wattpad for this chapter! hope you enjoy, some real drama!

When she woke up, an instant sore feeling ran through her. Her entire body hurt, almost worse than yesterday. A moan of pain stifled her body as she opened her eyes, but failed. A warm smell surrounded her in the darkness and finally, she opened her eyes. 

Joel’s arm was still hidden in hers and she looked to him. He was snoring like a lion, his mouth half open. She smiled a little bit at the sight, remembering how he had the personality of a big, fluffy grizzly bear most of the time. Except if someone was trying to hurt her. Then, he was like a grenade, ready to explode at any second. It was sweet how much he cared for her, she realized. Ellie had never had that before. That’s why she loved him so much. 

She tried not to wake him, slowly letting go of his arm and sitting up. No matter how hard she tried, a small weep of pain escaped her lips. Ellie grasped her side, lifting her shirt to see that her bandage had been turned red with blood. It didn’t seem to be bleeding anymore, but it was still at risk of infection. She prayed they’d be able to find antibiotics, or more accurately: Joel would. She wouldn’t be moving normally for a couple of days with  _ this  _ abdomen. 

But Joel had become accustomed to every sound after twenty years of this world, especially Ellie’s. Every single breath of hers he heard, even if he was sleeping. He needed to make sure she was okay at every second. So, she heard him quickly getting up behind her, surveying the scene. He saw Ellie on her side of the bed, her knees hanging over the side. She held her head in her hands, feeling every bit of soreness in her body with drastic tragedy. “What hurts, baby?”

“Everything.” She croaked back, laying back so that the back of her head rested just above his knees. Her eyes were closed and he saw that her neck had become slightly less purple, but the bruises were still there. He also saw a small blotch of dry blood by her side. “I’m really sore.” Ellie admitted, opening her eyes and looking up at Joel. He had been staring through her closed eyelids, desperate to see her irises again. 

“I know, reckon you’d be after everythin’ you went through last night.” Joel sighed, tickling her head gently with care. He sighed as she closed her eyes again, trying to go back to sleep so that she wouldn’t have to feel for a little bit. “I’m really glad you’re okay, kiddo.”

“Yeah… me, too.” She responded back with exhaustion, moving herself so that her entire body was now within Joel’s reach. “Moving hurts.” Ellie realized, staying put and feeling Joel wrap her arms around hers, making sure not to squeeze her too tight. It was like everything that brushed her skin made it feel like it was going to burn. 

“I know. Gon’ go out and try and find you some medicine. Probably a doctor place somewhere in this shithole.” Joel whispered, his breath hitting the top of her head gently. It comforted her. It made her know he was still there, that he wasn’t going anywhere. Though, he knew what she was going to say before she opened her eyes. 

“You’re leaving?” She said sadly, hating the idea of being left alone all day.  _ What if another one of those assholes shows up? What do I do then? What if Hunters come?  _ Joel shook his head, making her look up at him gently. 

“I ain’t leavin’, I’ll be gone for two hours tops. You can take a nap while I’m out. I promise, kiddo, I’ll be back before you even realized I’m gone.”  _ I’ve heard that before.  _ Ellie thought glumly, but she also realized that she needed medicine. If her wound got infected, worse case scenario, she could be dead in a couple of days. Most of all, she didn’t want to feel the pain that coursed through her veins anymore. 

“Fine…” Ellie grumbled, still not happy about it. If Joel left… she’d be dead in minutes. Joel was her only purpose to live anymore, if something took him away… God, she’d have nothing anymore. Even the cure would seem useless. “Just… don’t take long, please.”

_ “Everyone I have loved has died or left me… Everyone fucking except for you.”  _ Joel remembered that day at the ranch. He felt physical pain whenever he thought of it. He was such a prick that day. Joel was  _ so  _ glad that changed his mind. He’d be dead seventy times over if it wasn’t for the girl lying in pain in his arms.  _ I need to fix this, it’s my fault. _

Joel wished he could distinguish every ounce of pain in her body, transfer it over to him… he couldn’t. But he could try to find something to ease it. “I promise, I won’t.” He swore, feeling her nuzzle her head into his neck. 

Suddenly, he got up, gently laying her head on the pillow. “Reckon we should get some food in us first, though.” Joel nodded to himself, taking his portable oven from his bag. It was a miracle they found it, it meant warm meals for Ellie, which Joel savored. Every piece of food that went into her that she didn’t throw up was a gift. After David, she didn’t eat much. Once a day, if that. 

Ellie nodded, using her arms to push herself up so she could sit up. Once again, a small quick breath escaped her lips, not going past Joel. “Hey, easy. Don’t strain yourself too much. Need to find somethin’ for that cut or it’ll get infected.” 

“And I’m assuming that… isn’t good.” She muttered, taking a short pause to breath. Her ribs weren’t doing well after yesterday. Joel had gone back to get her bag and saw the dent in the door that the bloater had thrown her into. “That’s a no, then.” Ellie whispered to herself when she saw Joel shake his head, giving her a pitiful look. 

“If it gets infected, it’ll turn green and…” He stopped suddenly when he saw the pale look on her face. “But that ain’t gonna happen. I’m gonna find somethin’ for you and we’re gonna be okay.”  
Eventually, it was time for Joel to leave. He tried to stop Ellie, but she got up from the bed, weakly limping towards Joel, her vision suddenly growing with black dots. “Ellie, you really need ta sit down.” He instructed, but she refused. She would treat every time she had to say goodbye like she’d never see him again, because as much as she didn’t want to say it, there was a chance she wouldn’t. 

“Sh.” She simply responded, squeezing him as hard as she could, but she could tell it wasn’t too hard because of her temporary weakness. “Please don’t die.” She whispered, not even sure if she could hear it. He smiled gently, but he understood the seriousness behind the plea. He knew what would happen if he didn’t come back, and he wouldn’t let it. “Please.”  
“Nothin’s gon’ happen to me, kiddo.” He chuckled, slowly releasing his grip around her, but her arms stayed wrapped around his waist, refusing to let him go. _You’re not going to leave me… right?_ That’s what he knew she wanted to ask. But she wouldn’t do that because she was scared of what he’d say. If he would tell the truth. “You know what to do if anyone comes here?” He asked, looking at the rifle on her bed. 

“Yes.” Ellie responded quickly, not wanting to think about what would happen if anyone did. Would she be able to shoot them? The last person she killed… was David. Ellie didn’t know if she would be able to do that again and… if she hesitated… she didn’t want to think about it. “I’ll put a bomb by the door once you leave.” Ellie whispered bleakly, still not liking the idea of him leaving. She wouldn’t be able to protect him. Ellie never felt more helpless in her life.  _ What if something happens? What if he gets Infected?  _

“Ellie.” He stated clearly, making her look up at him as if he’d been able to read her thoughts. “You’re gonna be fine.”  
“I don’t care about me.” She stated quickly, looking up at him. He frowned down at her, giving her a pout. “I mean… What if something happens to you?” Ellie demanded, placing her hands on her hips, though she quickly took his hand again when she began to see stars again. “What if someone comes here? I don’t know if I can kill someone again, Joel. What if another bloater comes?” 

“I cleared everything again after last night.” Joel assured her, but he ignored the other question noticeably. “No one is going to come here. Even if they do, you’ll just set up a bomb by the door, kiddo.” 

“And if you kill yourself when you’re coming back?” She asked with sass, glaring up at him, but he just smiled at her cute expression.  _ She’s just like Sarah.  _

“I’ll knock three times so you know it’s me.” Ellie sighed, slowly making her way back to the bed with Joel’s help. “Listen, baby girl… we’re both going to be absolutely fine. I  _ will  _ be back in two hours.” He kissed the top of her head, tucking her under the blankets. They made eye contact and Ellie looked to him, struggling to find words. 

“I… I lo…” She stopped speaking, but they both knew what her next words were going to be. Joel felt a warmth burn in his chest as he heard her speak, even if she didn’t finish.  _ She loves me.  _ He grinned. “... be careful, please. If you die, I’ll fucking murder you.” Joel chuckled, setting her down and finally releasing her. 

“I’ll be back in two hours, baby girl, two and a half tops.” He smiled, watching her turn over in her bed with a small moan and wave him goodbye. He set up a bomb on the interior of the door as he left, making sure to take in one last sight of his baby girl watching him in her bed.  _ I’m going to make you feel better, Ellie.  _ He swore to not return until he found something that would help her. Little did he know, it’d all go to shit. 

_ Fucking nothing.  _ Joel grumbled, slamming one of the cupboards shut before remembering to be quiet. He scowled back towards the school. It was barely in sight, but enough to make sure it wasn’t on fire or anything. He had found jackshit. He tried everything, the offices in town, the homes. All that was left was the hospital. The only reason he hadn’t gone to it yet was because it was the biggest building.  _ It’s worth it. Worse case scenario, bloater. I can handle it… I can handle it for Ellie.  _

“Come on, give me something.” Joel groaned, leaving the house he had just been in.  _ A bottle of tylenol. That’s all I have. I’m useless.  _ Joel frowned, looking up towards the hospital with a scowl.  _ Here we go.  _ As the hospital doors opened with a small  _ clink _ , he looked around, crouching down and inspecting the space around him. He was being ten times more careful than he had ever been, for Ellie. If something happened to him, she’d be gone. A memory. And he wasn’t about to let that happen. 

His flashlight illuminated the first floor and so far, he couldn’t see anything. Joel slowly moved through the building, not hearing anything either.  _ Supply should be on this floor.  _ Joel remembered the night Sarah was born. He couldn’t sleep and he wasn’t allowed to stay all night with her in the nursery with her mother and her, so he decided to explore the hospital. Everything was so different then. He was so much younger. “Here we go.” He whispered, barely above a hush. He smiled gently, crawling into the supply. His heart stopped as a large grin spread across his face. 

_ Paracetamol… this is fuckin’ perfect. This will stop the pain. Now, I just need some IV’s to get this stuff in her bloodstream. Should be upstairs in trauma.  _ Joel thought to himself, taking the box of pills and placing it in his bag. Quickly, he moved towards the exit. And then he heard it. A high-volume series of clicks beside him. He looked to his right.  _ Fuck.  _ He nearly jumped back at the sight of a clicker right in front of him, facing the other way.  _ I need to look where I’m going.  _ He thought, grabbing the clicker’s neck and holding it until it eventually stopped moving.  _ Gotta be more fuckin’ careful.  _

A little on edge, he moved slower to the staircase, crawling up it like a dog once he made it.  _ Second floor. Trauma, there we go.  _ He nodded towards a sign that was illuminated by his flashlight. 

“There you are.” Joel whispered quietly, moving towards the door and opening it. It creaked slightly and he winced, expecting something to jump out at him, but it didn’t. It was eerily quiet.  _ I.V’s… why is it so quiet?  _ He asked, but was met with nothing. He graciously took them and quickly evaded the building, his nerves not feeling right.  _ I need to get back to Ellie. Somethin’s not right, I can feel it.  _

He hurriedly escaped the building, taking in the smell of fresh air graciously. The sun was beginning to set.  _ How long have I been out?  _ He asked himself, quickening his pace again. It felt odd not having Ellie right next to him. He didn’t like it. 

Finally, he was back at the school. Joel unlocked the door, shutting it beside him and pinning it with a table.  _ Should be good enough in case a horde comes along.  _ He’d only seen hordes three or four times, but he knew they weren’t pretty. Joel remembered Ellie telling him about running into one during the winter.  _ “It was fucking crazy, there were like, seventy of them.”  _ He was impressed to discover that she took care of it by herself entirely. 

“Ellie?” He called through the building, looking around the hallways. “Kiddo?” Joel called, moving towards the room quicker, scared by her non-existent response. “Ellie!” He yelled, hearing a scuffle from the darkness.  _ What the fuck?  _ He thought, worry slowly building in him. Then he heard it: a gunshot.  _ No. No, no, no, no, no, no. Please, no.  _

Joel sprinted down the hallway, knocking three times on the door, but there was no response.  _ The fuckin’ bomb might be there.  _ He growled, but found he didn’t care. He stood back and shot the knob, sending the door back a little.  _ Why isn’t the bomb there?  _ He raced in. 

To his horror, there was a hunter on top of Ellie, holding her down. It looked like she was knocked unconscious by something. Duct tape hung over her lips, surely censoring whatever words she had for the Hunters. “No…” Joel roared, taking his bat from his bag. He struck the hunter, who began throwing threats and profanities at him. “You  _ prick! _ ” He roared, seeing a bruise on Ellie’s cheek. Every single cell in his body propelled him forward, making his fists more powerful. It was like he was seeing red.

Once again, he hit the hunter over the head with the bat, not hearing more footsteps behind him because of the struggle. “You fucking-” Joel was suddenly cut off as someone took hold of his mouth, covering it with their hand. He instantly jerked back, fighting the figure until he felt another hand grip his arm, preventing him from continuing his slaughter. The first hunter he saw was already beaten to a pulp beside Ellie’s frame.  _ No, fuck, no. No, no. What did they do to her? No. No…  _ Joel roared, struggling as another pair of hands took his legs, forcing him to the ground beside Ellie. And that’s when she decided to wake up. 

Ellie’s eyes met Joel’s first, and then the faces behind him, holding her down. Her eyes widened and she screamed, starting to get up. Joel felt his mouth being covered and his hands being bound by someone as another hunter moved towards Ellie. Her hands were bound, she stood no chance. Besides that, she could barely move. Exhaustion was overwhelming her and with each step, she moved closer and closer towards fainting. “Little bitch. Get the dinosaur in the truck, I’ll handle this one.” He heard above him. Joel shook his head, muffled roars emerging from his mouth as the hunter got closer to Ellie. And then…  _ smack.  _ The hunter’s hand met Ellie’s face and she slumped to the ground from his fist, wet tears decorating her cheeks.  _ No… no, what are they gon’ do to us? I said we’d be fine, I promised. _

It looked like her wound had reopened because a small blotch of blood was growing on her right side. “Hey, wait, she’s hurt.” One of the hunter’s saw the wound, lifting up her shirt to reveal a blood soaked bandage. Joel screamed through the tape, trying to fight off the hands that were over him. Every inch of his body was trying to get to Ellie but it wasn’t good enough;  _ he  _ wasn’t good enough. 

He shook the force against him, barely making any headway. “Patch her up, I want her alive. I call dibs.” One of the men said. Joel looked up, screaming in fury and finally getting one of the men off, now able to get up and fight. He ripped the rope on his hands off on a spike on the bedframe and took his gun from his hands. He ripped the tape off of his mouth, backing into the corner with his shotgun in his hands. 

“Get the fuck away from her, you motherfucker.” Joel seethed, aiming the gun towards the man holding Ellie. He had a short beard and dark brown eyes. A blue jacket hung on his shoulders and jeans coated his legs. _I’m going to fucking hang you by your thumbs._ Joel glared, turning his safety off. “I swear to God, I’ll blow your fucking guts out and decorate the wall with it, get away from her right now.”  
As the man began to retreat, the leader held up his hand. “No, Jake, don’t fucking move.” ‘Jake’ looked at the other man, his eyes widening as he switched his gaze between Joel and him. 

“Chris, he has a fuckin’ shotgun.” The leader glared at Jake. Something seemed to daze over Jake and he simply nodded, keeping Ellie in his arms, tight against him. Joel growled, tightening his grip on his shotgun.  
“You’re quick, but you ain’t that quick. He’ll have enough time to pull the trigger before he dies.” Chris hissed, as Jake took Ellie in his arms and held his pistol to her temples. Joel’s eyes squinted in fury at the sight of someone touching Ellie. “You ain’t gonna do it. Drop your gun, right now.” Joel hesitated, his hand squeezing around the gun. “I said, drop the fucking gun.” The man yelled, lifting Ellie’s shirt and lifting her bandage, the tip of his knife now -barely- planted into her wound. Even though she was unconscious, she screamed in pain, her dry tears becoming wet again. 

“Fuck!” Joel yelled, tossing his shotgun, staring at the man like he was about to make his head implode by his glare. “Fine, just fucking leave her alone, asshole.” He snarled, looking down towards Ellie.  _ She was right, I never should’ve fucking left her. What are they going to do to us, to her? I’m fucking letting this happen, FUCK.  _ Joel was venomous as he followed the man’s orders. The man had his knife on Ellie’s throat, so Joel was left with no choice. But he knew as soon as he had the chance, he would liquify everyone in the room until all that was left was a pile of bones and blood. They’d regret ever laying their hands on Ellie or him. If they even came close to doing what David did… Joel would promise that they had no chance of feeling happiness again. He would keep them alive, making sure they felt pain. 

Before Joel could even complain about the rope on his wrists, he felt the butt of a gun meeting his head, turning everything black. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading everyone! if you have any asks, put em below! comments and kudos are very appreciated! have a great day!


	7. Chapter Seven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Joel awakes in a strange camp... with no Ellie.

_ "Look, baby girl, the door's stuck, you gotta go." He hollered, looking as the bloater came closer.  _

_ Ellie's face fell as she realized what he was saying. "N-no, Joel, Joel… I don't want to leave you." Ellie cried, looking back at the bloater slowly approaching, only a couple of yards away now. "Please, please, don't make me go, I'm scared."  _

_ Joel frowned and suddenly, the bloater grabbed her, her, shoving her head through the glass of the window. He heard her scream, but it was cut off. It was replaced with the sound of blood gurgling and skin burning in the acid of the bloater.  _ No. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. No, no this isn’t happening. This isn’t real, this isn’t happening. 

_ Joel looked up, but he wished he didn’t. The sight of Ellie’s bloody frame sat in front of him. A piece of glass was lodged in her throat. The bloater, satisfied with his work and not hearing Joel, retreated into the darkness, leaving Joel alone. “Ellie. Ellie, get up.” Joel shook her, turning her over so he could see her face.  _

_ A dark eye covered the left side of her face while blood dripped down her throat. He could see the  _ inside  _ of her. Suddenly, bile sprinted up his throat, landing beside him. “No.” He sobbed, wiping the vomit from his lips. “No, baby. Don’t do this, baby girl. Listen, you’re gonna be okay, c’mon baby girl. Come on, baby.”  _

_ Even though she was long gone, he could still hear that last  _ second  _ of a scream ringing through his ears, taunting him with the thought that she was still alive. “No, no, c’mon, baby girl. Come on, come on.” _

_ Joel sobbed, taking Ellie’s frame in his hands and squeezing her as tight as he could, hoping they would switch places. They didn’t. She remained still, her blood dripping onto his shirt and quickly soaking both of their clothes. He looked up to the door the bloater had come from, screaming out unintelligible words. “FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU, FUCK YOU!” He roared, cries interrupting his pleas for this to end. “Ellie… ELLIE!” He yelled, trying to get some sort of response in the darkness. “Don’t do this to me, baby, don’t do this. Come on, get up, I know you can. Get up.” He held Ellie’s body with one hand, unclipping his holster with the other. A gunshot suddenly went off and in an instant, a new ocean of blood washed over Ellie, pouring from Joel’s head. You jump, I jump.  _

“Ellie!” He screamed, instantly jolting up only to find that his wrists were chained behind him.  _ Just a dream…  _ He sighed… and that was when he remembered everything. "No… Ellie, Ellie!" He called, realizing he wasn't in the room with her. " _ Ellie! _ " He roared, shaking against his chains. A bruise was hidden in his beard, a line of blood decorated thigh, but it didn’t look like it was his.  _ I gotta find her… I gotta find her.  _

The room around him was dark and the pattern of stars reflected from the windows.  _ How long have we been in here? Where is she? How many are there?  _ Joel's mind was going a mile a minute. He prayed they didn't find the medicine in his bag, as he doubted she would be in better shape when he got to her.  _ They fixed her wound, that's what that prick said. She's alive. She has to be.  _

Suddenly, he realized a figure watching him in the distance. "Where am I? Where's the girl?!" Joel demanded, shaking against his chains. "Fuckin' answer me!"

"Your whore ain't being too friendly. She's with Charlie. The bitch nearly took my fuckin' eye out… almost got out. Before we could even have any fun, too." Joel snarled, rattling against the chains.  _ No… no, no. I need a plan. I need to get us out of here.  _

Joel growled, seeing red because of the names he called Ellie.  _ I will fucking crack your skull, you son of a bitch. _ "Something funny, old man?" The hunter hissed, his knife in his hand. The room smelled of rum and blood, but mostly flesh. 

"I'll use every fucking one of you for new paint if you even touch her." Joel wore a dangerous glare, challenging the man to do something. Suddenly feeling a jolt of pain run through him as the hunter's fist ran across his face with a  _ thud.  _ "Fuck…" Joel groaned, regaining himself quickly.  _ Stay strong for her. I need to find her. Her wound could be infected by now, she could have hours. Fuck, I need to do this quick. _

"You better start beggin' because if you don't start fuckin' talking, I'm making you watch every second, douchebag." Joel roared, spitting in the hunter’s face with hatred. The man simply laughed, wiping his face. "Are there any more of you?" Joel simply ignored him, trying to think of where they could be keeping Ellie.  _ This can't be a big camp, we didn't even notice it.  _ "I can make this so much worse for you  _ and  _ her. Or better."

"Fuck you." Joel spat, turning away from him. Ellie would survive for him, he knew it. He would get to her in time. He wouldn't let her be raped, nor again.

"That's okay. I have some presents for you in the meantime." The man smiled, placing a plate in front of Joel. "See, this… this here is Joey. You killed Joey. That was a mistake."

"He shouldn't have touched my daughter." Joel snarled, looking towards a dish of meat.  _ Fucking disgusting… they better not touch Ellie.  _

Suddenly, a bell rang from outside, putting a smile on the hunter's face. " _ Charlie's shift is done. _ " The man taunted, licking his lips.  _ No. No, no, no, no, no.  _

"I swear to Christ, if you touch a fucking hair on her head, I will hang you by each finger." Joel looked the hunter directly in the eyes, a white fire burning from his irises. The hunter chuckled, clapping his hands together like a child with a sick grin on his face. 

"That's good, that's good." He cackled, his hands settling on just below his belt. He looked back towards the door as Joel breathed heavily, struggling against his chains. "Listen, buddy, I gotta go… don't worry, I'll tell your girl you said hey." He taunted, slowly leaving the tent. 

_ "No! _ " Joel snarled, wrestling his binds. "No, no, no." He whispered to himself, shaking desperately. Rope was controlling his wrists, but his ankles were oddly free. "Okay, okay…" 

_ Idiots.  _ Joel growled, noticing a knife lying on a table beside him. His head was ringing.  _ They must've hit me while I was out… Ellie has to be okay. She has to be. I need to get to her. She must be  _ so  _ scared.  _

Part of Joel wished Ellie wasn't awake… so she didn't have to see his failure to protect her. There was no way her injuries would be better unless they healed her to… no… he didn’t know if he preferred her dying over having to go through that again.  _ No, I can stop it this time.  _

Joel shook his chair, knocking into the table. "Yes, yes…" Joel smiled for a second, reveling in the hunters' idiocy. He knocked the table again, the knife falling onto the floor beside his ankle. "Bastards…" Joel snarled, moving his ankles together against the blade to pick it up, slowly moving it to his right hand. 

He rested it on the top of his hand, moving his mouth down and picking the handle of the knife up by his teeth, smiling. "Yes. Yes, yes…" He muttered to himself, beginning to cut the rope with the knife as the handle rested in his teeth. 

Soon enough, his hand was free. There were red burns where the role had been, due to him fighting against them. Joel breathed, shaking the rope of of his hand and holding the knife, beginning to cut through the left rope. And suddenly, he was free. "Oh God." Joel breathed, standing slowly, stretching his legs. 

He held the knife in his hand, searching the room for his belongings. From the corner of his eyesight, he saw a spot of brown.  _ My pack.  _ He raced towards it, slipping the handles over his shoulders and taking his revolver in his hand.  _ I'm coming, Ellie.  _

Joel peeked out of the tent, seeing four men instantly. All of them looked the same, a familiar hungry look in their eyes. There were three tents. Two were small and one was double their size, around the size of Joel's. A man stood outside the tent, guarding it.  _ She's in there.  _ Joel knew it. Her energy drew him to the tent.  _ No screams. Maybe she's okay.  _

_ Okay, what's my play here? Can't shoot that guard, they'll kill her if they know I'm out.  _ Joel sighed, looking down at the knife in his holster. Slowly, he went back inside the tent, crawling to the back and cutting a hole in the canvas, giving him another exit.  _ Looks like we're doing this the old fashioned way.  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks everyone so much for reading! update in 2-3 as usual! if you have any asks, put em in the comments! kudos and comments are really, really appreciated! thanks so much, see you in a bit!


	8. Chapter Eight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ellie tries to survive the amalgamation of monsters torturing her as Joel makes her way to him.

_ This isn’t happening, this isn’t real. Joel's coming for me. He'll be here any second.  _ Ellie opened her eyes expectantly, scanning her vision for Joel.  _ Okay, again, Ellie.  _ Once again, she closed her eyes, then opened them, but still… nothing.  _ What if he escaped? Did he leave me here? No, Ellie. He wouldn't leave me with these animals.  _

"Listen, cupcake, this can get a lot worse for you in a couple of seconds." The hunter ahead of her spoke, stroking her chin. She winced, her stomach churning. 

"Fuck you." Ellie jerked her face away, closing her eyes once again. She was clinging to consciousness. From what she could tell, they had stopped the bleeding, but no medicine had been given to her. Her wound felt so much worse, so she assumed it was infected. Not good.  _ "It turns all green and kills you… but we ain't gonna let that happen." Am I going to die? What if Joel didn't get any medicine? What if they took it off him, what if they killed him, what if no one's coming? What are they going to do to me?  _

"Feisty little bitch, aren't you?" Ellie's eyebrows knitted together in anger, but she calmed herself. Fear was building in her veins as the hunter looked her up and down. She didn't wake up in her clothes, they were shorter and tighter. They itched and made her ribs bunch against them in pain. Her hair down, the tips coated with a small array of blood. "How many of you are there? Where did you two come from?"

Ellie simply shut her eyes again, waves of exhaustion rolling over her. "Fuck… you." Ellie panted, wanting desperately to grab at her wound. It hurt like absolute hell. The hunter clicked his tongue, walking around her. 

"You don't look so good, baby."

"Shut up." Ellie growled, opening her eyes.  _ His  _ face was staring back at her with every second, making the air colder as if it were winter once again. "You're all going to fucking die." Ellie breathed heavily, her head hanging forward as she began to lose energy. 

"Is that so?" The hunter smiled, running his finger down her freckled cheek.  _ Fucking creep.  _ Ellie tried to move her face away, but the man used his other hand to stop her from being able to move her face. His eyes bore into her round, plush cheeks and lips. A hungry expression filled his gaze and she felt herself shamefully cringe.  _ I'm so weak. Why am I afraid of him?  _ Ellie thought, ashamed of her fear.

"Get the fuck off of me." Ellie growled, tears beginning to rise in her eyes. Ellie squeezed her eyes shut, squirming in the binds and the man's grip. 

"Aw, your old man was wrong. You ain't a threat. You're just a scared little girl." He smiled, pushing his hands through her hair, violating her. Her lips curled down as her nose twitched like a scared bunny. 

"Tell that to the bitch scar on your face." She seethed through a sniffle, tears running down her face.  _ What are they going to do when I have a nightmare? Will I be able to wake up without Joel? Did they hurt him?  _

Suddenly, Ellie felt him rip the bottom inch of her shirt off, revealing her wound.  _ He thinks we have a group… he thinks someone's coming for them. For me.  _ "See, I know you two have a group. So, you F.E.D.R.A? Firefly?" Ellie almost scoffed at that, not saying a word. 

"Listen, sweetheart. You're dying. This wound here? Ain't looking too good. I can make that better. Or…" He peeled the bandage off of the wound, scratching it with his nail before pushing his finger in, making her scream in pain. "... so much worse."

Ellie whimpered, desperately trying to get him away from her. He retracted his grip, letting her breathe. A whimper escaped her lips as she looked towards the exit of the tent, wondering where Joel was. Would he come save her? Or was this her future, trapped with these pigs? "We're not from any fucking group." Ellie cried, her head hanging back on the head of the chair. She closed her eyes, falling asleep. 

"Hey!" A violent slap awoke her, causing her to cry out once more. "Did I say you can sleep? From now on, you don't take fucking breath without me saying so."  _ She's David's newest pet.  _ Ellie opened her eyes in anger as the man began to come onto her, moving his lips against her cheek. She tried to move away from him in disgust, but she had nowhere to go. 

"Fuck… off!" She grunted, taking the chance to sink her teeth into his ear, managing to actually saw off his ear lobe. He instantly recoiled back, screaming in pain and pushing his hand to his ear. Ellie frowned, spitting the portion of his ear from her mouth in disgust.  _ Eat it.  _ She thought in hatred. __

As expected, the man looked towards her, his ears steaming. "You fucking bitch!" He roared, curling his hand into a fist and slamming it against her head, quickly making a bruise appear on her forehead. Before Ellie even had time to react, he hit her again, berating her with open fists. "Come on." He roared, releasing her hastily and dragging her by her hair. 

"Let me go, you chickenshit!" She growled, pulling against him. It only made her pain worse, though. "Fucking get off!" She was dragged into the center of the camp.  _ No, no…  _ Joel took in the sight of her from behind a box of ammunition. 

She looked horrible. Her right eye was nearly swollen shut and she could barely stand, much less protect herself as the main hunter dragged her through the gravel, kicking rocks up in her face. 

Joel's finger twitched on his trigger, but as much as he wanted to end Ellie's suffering, he could cause more by taking a shot right now. "Chris, the hell are you doing, get her back in her cage!"

"The bitch took my ear off, I'm ending this now. Thought you all would enjoy the show." Ellie looked up below him, his boot on her neck. She growled beneath him, trying to get up. She collapsed without the hunter having to even do anything. Her body was exhausted and the soreness that had lived in it hours ago increased by tenfold because of her moving around. 

"Woah, wait a minute, boss. They could have people coming after us, she could have information." One of them argued, taking Ellie’s chin in his hand. She swirled her spit, shooting it in his face. The only response was the main hunter pressing his boot on her head, pushing her face into the rubble.  _ Where is Joel?  _ She whimpered audibly, barely loud enough for Joel to hear. 

He frowned, looking at the scene through his scope. His finger rubbed against the trigger.  _ Not until she has an opening. If she can even walk.  _

"It's been a hard winter, could use a cupcake like her around." One of the other men chimed in, looking down at Ellie with a grin. She screamed in fury, fighting against the boot on her head, but it roughly sent her back into the ground. 

"You fucking assholes! I'm going to fucking kill every last one of you!" She roared, desperately trying to get back up.  _ Fucking get up, get up.  _ She screamed at herself, fighting as hard as she could. Suddenly, more weight sat on her back, pushing her ribs into the dirt. 

Ellie coughed up a drip of blood, growling, though it quickly turned into a cry. A plea.  _ Joel… Joel, where are you? Did he leave me?  _ Ellie looked around the camp, surveying it for any sign of him.  _ He left me… he left me, he left me. I'm alone, I don't have anyone, he left me.  _

She started hyperventilating, her ribs rejecting it and causing her to cough.  _ He left me, he left me.  _ She repeated in her mind, tears spilling down her face as she breathed in and out rapidly. 

"She serves the same purpose dead. We can preserve the body, use it for the horses." Joel sneered, finally deciding to take a move. Even if Ellie got hurt: she needed him right now. Her anxiety was increasing with each millisecond, not allowing her to breathe.  _ She's having a goddamn panic attack.  _ Joel thought, taking his aim. "Might as well get some use before we kill her." The hunter thought, sitting atop Ellie. Her ribs couldn't take the weight. It felt like they were going to crack. It  _ felt  _ like David was sitting on top of her. 

"Get off of me." Ellie sobbed, trying to push him off to no avail. Her eyes were squinted closed as the hunter began stripping her of her jacket and beginning to tear her shirt. " _ Fucking get _ -"

Ellie was cut off as a gunshot rang through the air, pausing everything. She felt the weight on her back slump over beside her. As she looked to her right, she saw the hunter, a bullet right between his eyes. " _ Argh _ !" She screamed, using her arms to back away from the body in terror. 

"What the fuck?" One of the hunters asked, seizing Ellie by her hair. Abruptly ending the attack, another rifle shot went off, letting another body drop beside Ellie. Once again, she let out a yell, before she realized…  _ wait… that's… that's  _ my  _ rifle! Joel!  _

Tears swelled in her eyes as she suddenly took in the sight of someone running to her right, dark, shaggy hair and a brown leather coat decorating his features. "J-Joel…" Ellie stuttered, her voice breaking. 

Two other hunters sprinted beside her, rifles held in their hands. "No, no, you fucking don't." Ellie snarled, tackling one of them to the ground.  _ No, not now…  _ Ellie felt her body shutting down, mostly from exhaustion, but also, she hadn't eaten since the bloater attack. Her body began shutting down, involuntarily making her fall to the ground, almost paralyzed in a way.

"You bitch!" The hunter screamed from behind her. But, before he could even touch Ellie, another, final gunshot cleared the area. Ellie felt a final body fall next to her before she moved her arms, struggling to even move without collapsing.  _ I'm so fucking tired.  _

Footsteps approached behind her before she felt hands wrap around her body, pulling her into a hug. "J-Joel?" Ellie whispered, slowly moving her arms so that she could hug him back. 

"Are you okay, are you hurt?" Joel asked her, keeping her trapped in his hug. She nodded slightly, her adrenaline calming down and soon replacing with pain. Nature's natural painkiller was wearing off. 

"My side… they made it bleed… again." She muttered, taking in the sight of him as he separated from her shoulder. "And my eye hurts." She said, pointing to the bruise on her right eye. Joel frowned, caressing her cheek, but not in the way the hunters did. This was filled with love and concern. "Really… really, tired." 

"Okay. Okay. C'mon, let's get back to the tents. Have some stuff there." Ellie nodded, feeling Joel help her stand, relying on his muscle. Before long, she collapsed to the ground, falling in Joel's arms. Ellie clutched her side, peeling back her shirt.  _ It's infected.  _ She realized, gulping audibly. 

"What's wrong, what hurts?" Joel asked, taking her in his arms and simply carrying her. He looked down at her side, frowning deeply. "It's okay, it's okay. I found some stuff before we got taken. It'll ease the pain."

"Mhm." Ellie moaned, clutching Joel's shoulder tightly. He looked deep into her eyes as she did the same, inspecting every single color in his irses. "I really thought you left… I'm so glad you're here, Joel." She whispered, hiding in his chest and taking in his scent.  _ He smells like him again.  _

"Me, too." Joel whispered, his mind taking him back to that awful moment when he saw the hunter atop Ellie. "I'm so sorry, Ellie… you were right. We  _ never  _ should’ve separated." He finally said, clutching her in his arms gently. She sniffled below him, nodding and shaking her hands. Her palms twisted his shirt, trying to get as close to him as possible. Being alone from him for even a second was too much. She’d experienced such horrible things, it was like horror after horror for her recently… but she had him to keep her above it all. Ellie had that taken away for her. It was the worst thing she ever felt. 

“Joel, this isn’t your fault.” She croaked, barely able to make a noise. “It’s theirs. I knew I should’ve come with you.” Joel shook his head violently, closing his eyes and running into the tent, ashamed that he didn’t have anywhere else he could bring her. Memories were swarming her, pushing her down into black water that she couldn’t surface from. Ellie was crying out for help and commonly in her life, there was no lifeguard. She was drowning and no one could help her. That’s what she thought, at least. 

“No, nuh uh. Don’t you  _ dare  _ do that. You did everything you were supposed to.” Joel said sharply, trying to get it through her head. She didn’t seem to listen. Usually in situations similar to this one, Ellie would cry and hide herself in Joel’s arms. But… not this time. This time,  _ she was angry. Furious.  _

_ Why me? Why is the world out to destroy me? Is it because I’m immune? Because I can make this  _ shithole  _ just a  _ little  _ bit better?  _ Ellie thought, her eyebrows fitting together in fury. A spark was running through her emerald eyes, one that burned dark with blood, most of it her own. A murderous want filled her and suddenly, she was ashamed that Joel had to kill those hunters instead of her.  _ I need to stop being weak. If someone hurts us, they deserve to die. That’s it. I need to pull my weight.  _ “Are you okay?” Joel asked, realizing what a stupid question it was. He was shocked by her silence, realizing the most he’d her from her was a small cry once every other second. She was dead silent. But something… something about her demeanor had changed. It wasn’t… wasn’t  _ her.  _

“I’m fine.” Ellie lied, trying to get up. Joel gently pushed her back down onto the cot, but once again she arose. And once again, he pushed her back down. “I said I’m  _ fine _ . Don’t you believe me?” She asked quickly, avoiding his eyes. A sudden anger hung over her as she felt him push her back down. A deep breath lingered in the air and Joel looked back to her, the supplies he’d found at the hospital in his hands. He pulled out the bottle of painkillers, cracking off the top and taking out one pill.  _ Look good to eat… hopefully these still do some good.  _

“I do, but you ain’t okay right now. You need to rest.”

“No, I’ve done enough resting. I haven’t been normal since Tommy’s, Joel! I’m done with it! I just want to be me again…” She exploded, ripping his grip from her and shooting up, but her body almost instantly rejecting the movement, causing her to topple over. Joel caught her, a plagued feeling down in his gut. He didn’t know which Ellie he preferred. This one, or the one he’d come to know. The one he’d replaced  _ his  _ Ellie with. 

“I know, baby girl. But it ain’t gonna happen overnight. We can do it together.” She shook her head, standing again. When he reached for her, she shook him away, escaping the tent, barely able to walk. “Ellie!” He called after her, but she wouldn’t even let him touch her. Ellie was  _ done with it. I want to be me again. Not this… this thing that’s taken my fucking body over.  _

“You always say that, Joel! That’s what you always say, but nothing ever gets better! It’s just gotten worse!” Ellie cried, finally looking back at him. Bags were living under her eyes and a new spark had emerged in her eyes: one that… did  _ not  _ belong to  _ his  _ Ellie. “Anyone who wants to hurt us deserves to die! David, those hunters, anyone who wants to hurt us deserves to die!” She hissed, walking towards the hunters’ bodies, a venomous pain hidden in her. 

“Ellie, this ain’t you. I know-”

“No, you don’t! You say you know what I’m going through, but you don’t! You didn’t get raped, you didn’t have to kill your own friends, you didn’t have to be by yourself for an entire month, not knowing if I’d leave you or not! You haven’t had to deal with the entire world being on your shoulder! Every single fucking time someone gets Infected, that’s on me. Because I wasn’t quick enough, because we aren’t in Salt Lake yet, because of me! Because of this, because I can’t even fucking walk without collapsing!” Ellie exploded all of a sudden, letting all of the pain and anger she’d been concealing for the past month roar out, destroying everything around her, especially Joel. “This is all my fault, even you need to believe that. You can try and lie to me, but I know it is.”

“Baby girl, I know I haven’t been through what you have, but that doesn’t mean that we can’t do this together.” Joel stepped towards her, but Ellie backed up once again, tears beginning to pool in her eyes. It felt like she was a bomb, about to explode at any second. At any second, screams and sobs could rack here. At any second she could collapse, finally taken by her injuries. “I promise you, it  _ will  _ get better.”

Joel took another step, but this time, Ellie didn’t retract. Her face began to break her down as her exhaustion returned and her tears began to once again swarm. “The world is  _ not  _ on your shoulders. It  _ isn’t  _ fair that you were chosen for this, I know you wish it was different, but it ain’t. And that ain’t fair, it ain’t, but that’s the way it is… I will be here for you every single damn step of the way.” Joel took another step, getting closer to Ellie. The sun was beginning to set, casting a red and orange haze across the flat terrain. “All those people who get hurt, that  _ ain’t  _ on you.” 

“But it is.” She responded quietly, looking in his eyes for the first time. They were a warm brown, squirming with hurt and concern. A dark bruise was hidden in his beard, and a fraction of her anger was reborn, only for a second. 

“No, it  _ ain’t.  _ It’s on the people who did the hurting. And as much pain as they deserve, we  _ ain’t  _ allowed to give it to them, or else we’re as bad as them.” Joel said gravely, taking a final step towards Ellie, but she didn’t let him hug her yet. “It is  _ not  _ your fault that I got hurt in Spring. You did  _ so  _ good keepin’ me alive. Reckon I’d be dead fifty times over if you weren’t there.”

A small smile spread on Ellie’s face, but it fleeted quickly. “We stay together  _ forever _ , alright? We do everything together, we share our pain together.” Joel whispered into her ear and suddenly, she pounced into his arms, exploding into a ball of sobs. Words weren’t distinguishable and she let all of it out, everything she’d been holding back. 

Killing David, being captured, the Bloater attack, returning to their journey, being separated from Joel: all of it came out in the tears that sprinted down her face with each second. Joel felt his throat close around him and looked around the two, observing the bodies on the ground and the sun blazing ahead of them. “I know, I know…” Joel quickly took her in his arms, nuzzling his head between her shoulders and neck. She was so tiny compared to him, going just above his chest. He realized that she smelled like the horrible stinging smell of alcohol and cringed, hugging her tighter. “I’m right here, baby girl. That’s never, _ever_ going to change. It’s you and me forever, no one else.”  
“Do… do you promise?” She asked, her voice broken and wet. Ellie paused her crying, awaiting Ellie’s response. It seemed to die down a little, but her sobs could still be heard from a mile away. 

“I swear on my life, we ain’t  _ ever  _ being separated, baby.” He responded instantly, feeling her breath for a second at his answer. “Okay?” 

Ellie nodded, squeezing him as tight as she could. Pain bled through her and she let out a whimper, letting him go to clutch at her side. “I think… I think it’s infected.” She answered his question before he even asked, seeing a frown spread across his expression. “Is that bad?” Ellie asked, sniffling and wiping her nose with her sleeve innocently. 

“Don’t worry, we can take care of it. These assholes probably got some medicine, and we got that stuff from the hospital.” Ellie nodded, instantly going back to Joel’s arms. She felt him sweep her up like a feather, carrying her back towards the tent. Wind crawled through it from where Joel ripped it and Ellie shivered, though she wasn’t even cold. “It’s okay. Let’s get you fixed up, kiddo.”  
Ellie nodded, falling asleep as Joel tended to her, exhaustion dragging her down from the day’s events. _We’re together… he won’t leave me._ She smiled, falling to slumber with that warm thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading, guys! this chapter was a bit short so there should be one in a little bit! put asks in the comments! kudos and comments always appreciated!


	9. Chapter Nine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spring brings changes for Ellie, changes that don't go without pain and nightmares.

It had been almost a week since the hunters' attack. Ellie still couldn't walk for more than an hour, but Joel didn't seem to mind. He liked the stops, it gave them more of a chance to talk… and it almost seemed like she was getting better. But Joel didn't trust it. He thought the same thing before the hunters captured them, and the same thing before the bloater attack. 

"Hey, kiddo, look." Joel smiled, pointing to a sign ahead of them. "Two states away." He grinned, reading the ancient welcoming sign.  _ Welcome to Kansas. We're almost there.  _ Ellie smiled, staring through the sign, inspecting every single splinter on it. 

"We're almost there… two states away." Ellie repeated, exhaling a breath gently. She stood in a trance, staring down the sign. Eventually, Joel shook her shoulder snapping her out of it. 

"Sorry, I… just thinking." Ellie responded gently, meeting his eyes. They both knew she was lying, it was clear… Joel wanted to talk, she knew it. He wanted her to discuss how she was feeling. He wanted her to let him feel her pain. But she wouldn’t do that. Both of them were too stubborn to burden the other.

"We got this, kiddo." Joel's smile was the smile that seemed to curl upwards in a way it seemed other worldly. Like you could just sit in his smile and feel warm for the rest of your life.

"Yeah, I… think we actually do." Ellie smiled for a second, continuing walking, breaking the barrier of the sign.  _ Howdy, Kansas.  _ Ellie took a deep breath. The air didn't smell any different and the sky didn't feel any bluer, but something about being closer to the cure qualmed her fears.  _ How much can go wrong in two states? A lot, Ellie… a lot can go wrong.  _ She corrected herself, walking and hearing the dirt crunch underneath her boots. Her soles were rotting and her feet hurt. Joel said that he'd find her some new ones at the next town. 

Ellie began to hate towns. Something bad always happened in them. Being in the middle of nowhere was almost peaceful to her. It was just her and Joel, no one else to worry about. Not a lot of Infected, either. But the spring had brought rain, and new changes for Ellie as well. Joel let out an airy cough, trying to hide it in his sleeve. Ellie groaned, catching up to Joel and looking at his sleeve.  _ Nothing came out this time… maybe it’s getting better.  _ “I’m fine, kiddo.”

“Yeah, you’ve been saying that for the past week of you coughing your lungs out. We should stop, anyway. It feels like it’s gonna rain.” Joel smiled for a moment, scruffing her hair. She grumbled angrily, fixing it, though it remained a mess. She hadn’t showered in a week. “Shut up. It’s like… this feeling I get on my skin that tells me when it’s going to rain. Also, those bigass clouds to the left of us.” Ellie smirked as Joel looked to the left of them and sure enough, dark gray clouds were looming over them.

“Looks pretty close, start lookin’ for somewhere to dock, Ellie.” She nodded, looking around them. There was a small bump in the horizon around a mile away. If they were quick, they’d be able to get to it before it started raining. Her eyes met Joel’s and he nodded, staring at the dark bundle of buildings. “Yeah, reckon that’s our only choice.”

A crack of thunder interrupted them, spooking Ellie. She squeezed Joel’s hand hard, feeling him return the favor and look at her. “‘T’s okay, just some thunder.” He nodded, moving a little faster. “Should probably get moving, don’t wanna get hypothermia in that rain.”   
A strange burst of discomfort ran through Ellie and she clutched her side, but it was on her _right side._ Her wound had almost healed on her left. Almost. It still hurt a little to walk, but Joel managed to find some painkillers for her, but twenty year old medicine only did so much. “You okay?” Joel asked, noticing him drag behind her for a second. She faked a smile, returning her hand to his. 

“Yeah, fine.” Ellie shook it off, still tasting the gross feeling in her body.  _ The hell?  _ She asked herself, moving her left hand to replace where her right had been. Joel coughed once again, twisting her out of her train of discomfort. “Okay, that’s it. Whatever medicine we have left, we’re saving. You aren’t okay, Joel.”

He shook his head firmly, staring down towards where her wound had been less than a week and a half ago. His cough had been around since the hunters’.  _ What if they poisoned him? What if he’s Infected…? No, he’d tell me if he was Infected. He would’ve turned by now, too. _

“I’m fine, girl, I promise.” 

“Yeah, you’re right, what am I thinking? You’re too damn stubborn to get sick.” She stuck her tongue out at him and he just smiled, looking at her.  _ She’s gettin’ better. My Ellie’s returning.  _ Ellie  _ felt  _ better. Her ribs were much better and she could breathe with almost no pain. 

“Exactly.” Joel nodded his head, feeling her squeeze his hand with a small laugh.  _ Her laugh, God… I missed it.  _ He relished in the sound, closing his eyes and replaying it in his head. It was a sign, a sign that she was  _ actually  _ getting better. She was making progress and both of them were feeling lighter because of it. It was like the darkness of winter was loosening his grip, if only for a second. 

Another crack of thunder ran through the air and as Ellie looked back, she frowned. The clouds were almost on top of them. “Okay, double-time.” Joel quickened, Ellie following close behind. “We clear it together this time.” 

Ellie nodded somberly, her mind taking her back to the bloater attack. Her throat still hurt, the speck of a bruise still clinging to her plush skin. “Y-yeah. Yeah, together.”

And then, it started. Rain began to drizzle down around them, making Ellie’s hair sink down with dampness. “How much farther?” Ellie asked, feeling the rain clinging to her jacket beginning to harden with each drop, getting worse and worse. 

“Just a bit, c’mon.” Joel began to jog as the rain got worse, nearly pouring down. Ellie raised her hand over her head, keeping the sight of Joel ahead of her in the downpour. It wasn’t done, the rain continued to pick up as they made it to the town, desperate for anywhere to stay. “Over here, baby, c’mon!”

Joel beckoned her over to a hotel of some kind. A broken window hung just above his reach and she sighed, nodding. He propped her up, heaving her over the door. She gracefully ran through the window, landing on the other side. She turned her flashlight on, looking around. “Clear! Opening it now!” Ellie called to Joel, who was silent on the other side of the door. 

Her hands quickly unfastened the lock, heaving open the heavy door with a grunt. “Okay, get the fuck in.” Ellie yelled at him, her entire body soaked. “C’mon.” Ellie slammed the door back shut, making a loud bang. 

“Don’t see nothin’.” Joel whispered, his flashlight illuminating her face. They both collectively took a deep breath, Ellie’s hands on her soaked jeans. 

“I’m fucking freezing.” Ellie exhaled, relishing in the feeling of not having water pounding down on her to the point where it was hard to move. Joel nodded, shuddering as well. 

“Best get somewhere to hunker down and get outta these clothes. C’mon.” Ellie nodded, following him as they descended in the hotel, stopping in front of a pair of stairs and starting to descend down them. It was very quiet, which neither of them trusted. Deep in the shadows, something could jump out at any second, that’s what the world had become. Looking over your shoulder at every second. “Okay, looks like-”

Suddenly cutting him off, Ellie grabbed at her abdomen, doubling over in pain. It felt like something was splitting her open like a fruit, chopping her in half from the inside. She fell to the ground at the bottom of the steps, feeling Joel instantly run beside her, cupping her face. Her eyes were squinted over in pain and it seemed to pass for a second, but then it was back, in worse intensity. “Agh,  _ fuck. _ ” She whispered, moaning in pain once more, and kneeling on all fours, clutching her skin through her -Joel’s- flannel. 

“Ellie? Ellie, what’s wrong?!” Joel asked above her, his voice asking for an answer, one she didn’t have.  _ What… the fuck?  _ Ellie tried to respond but another wave of pain interrupted her. She searched for Joel’s hand, grabbing it quickly and squeezing it until it almost hurt her. Her clammy palm rested on his, strangling it. “Ellie, talk to me here.”

“I… I don’t know, it’s… my stomach hurts, I don’t know.” Ellie grunted, trying to get up but instantly falling back down to the ground. Joel barely caught her, looking around in confusion.  _ Where’s this comin’ from _ ? He asked himself, helping her up and slinging her arm over his shoulder. She could walk weakly as Joel dragged them along, looking for somewhere to stop. 

“Keep talkin’, Ellie. Did you eat anythin’ weird?” Ellie shook her head, wincing as Joel attempted to get them up a set of steps. 

“No, and you had the… the same food as me.” Ellie groaned in between waves of pain, feeling an odd pain that she hadn’t ever felt before. “I don’t know…” Ellie grunted, almost falling over once again. It came in waves, growing then retreating back once again, only to return in full force. 

“Is everything normal… down there?” Ellie’s face turned a shade of red as she nodded, looking away. Joel frowned, perplexed. They didn’t have enough medicine to do much and even if, they couldn’t do anything if they didn’t know what it was.  _ Her appendix, maybe? FUCK.  _ “Here, c’mere.” Joel lifted up her shirt, inspecting her wound. It had scarred well, but there was nothing that looked different than yesterday. He moved his hand onto her wet stomach, pointing just above her appendix. “Does that hurt?” He asked, looking up at her. She shook her head ‘no,’ shifting uncomfortably in his arms. “ _ Shit.  _ Did you eat, do anything different? Maybe it was our water…?” Joel murmured to himself, looking back down at her stomach. 

“W-well…” She started talking, squinting her eyes closed once again. His vision closed in on her, begging she had some sort of answer for it. A clue as to what the hell was happening. “I… I was bleeding earlier.” Ellie admitted, her face a shade of red. 

At first, she thought she was dying. She thought to tell Joel, but it wasn’t like he’d be able to look and help her. Ellie just tried to ignore it, and now she was paying the price for it.  _ Am I dying? Am I Infected? What if my immunity stopped working? What if it’s all for nothing?  _ “Oh, thank God.” Joel sighed, sinking his head for a minute. She felt his chest sink beside her, his heart rate lowering for just a second. 

“W-what?” Ellie asked, squeezing his hand once again as another wave of pain swarmed through her, almost worse than before. Ellie hid her head in Joel’s chest, a rejected tear strolling down her freckled skin. “ _ Shit. _ ” Ellie moaned once again, constricting into herself as tightly as she could, trying to hide her abdomen in her own skin. 

“It’s okay, kiddo, you’re just… this is a part of growin’ up, you’re on your period.”  _ Period? The fuck?  _ Ellie asked herself, looking up at Joel and squeezing his hand tightly once again. Joel let out another cough, not making Ellie feel any better. 

Ellie’s body suddenly remembered she was in soaking wet clothing and her body shivered, only making the discomfort between her legs greater. “Sarah never had em but her mom had ‘em a lot. None as bad as this, though.”

“Really, really… helpful, Joel.” She groaned, twisting the cloth of his shirt in her tiny hands. “We need to… to keep those painkillers in case you get sick.” Ellie whispered, coughing after another rapid wave of pain. She saw Joel reaching for the painkillers and stopped him, an angry, firm expression on her face. “I’m  _ not  _ taking them, Joel.” 

Joel frowned, sighing, but nodded. Ellie squirmed once again as Joel continued with her in his arms, looking for a room. An unblocked door laid before him and he pushed it open with his shoulder, falling just beyond the frame of the now open door. “Okay, it’s okay. I obviously never had this, but it stops in a bit. See if we can find you some stuff for this.” Joel laid Ellie on the dirty bed that laid in the room, setting her bag on a dresser beside it. She moaned as he set her down on the dirty bed, leaves on the pillows rustling as her head hit them. 

“Okay.” Joel breathed, opening his bag. They had managed to snatch two crack heat pads while they were scavenging the previous day, something that seemed perfect for this. “This’ll help a bit.” He assured Ellie, feeling her twist his shirt in pain. “Just focus on something, something other than the pain.” 

She nodded, listening to his heartbeat echo through his chest. She moved closer to his chest, paying attention to every rhythm of his breath. “Alright, move your hands, baby.” He whispered, gently pulling them from her abdomen. The muscles on her chest were tight, constricting and releasing at every second. He pressed the heat onto his own hand, making it warm even though it was soaked. Joel pressed his palm against her abdomen, feeling her body calm under his chest. 

“That’s… that’s better.” She whispered, closing her eyes for a second. Joel frowned, feeling his own soaked clothing cling to his skin. “Okay, we need to get into some dry clothes, kiddo.” He whispered, beginning to unbutton his flannel from her body. It clung to her, a freezing cloth that made her shiver. “Agh.” She moaned as he temporarily propped her up to remove the flannel, laying it on the dresser beside her bag. “Okay, I can do it now.” She whispered, gently pushing him off. He nodded, turning around as she did the same. She gently removed everything, putting a dry set of clothes of everything on. A red hoodie coated her arms with soft cloth, specks of dirt living on small patches of it. The bottom had been ripped, cutting it at her hips. Another pair of jeans slipped over her legs and an  _ almost  _ clean pair of socks. 

She finished, racing to lay back down as pain was lacing in her abdomen once again. She didn’t turn back around until she heard Joel do the same, both of them finished. “You warmer?” He asked, awaiting her slight nod. “Good. We’ll wait it out ‘till the rain’s better.” Ellie let out another pained breath, making a pout run over Joel’s face. “... and ‘till you’re feeling better.”

“How long does this last?” Ellie whined, feeling Joel press his hand on her abdomen once again. It was warm and she breathed, letting out a shaky exhale. “It fucking… sucks.” 

“I know.” He heaved a deep sigh, using his other hand to gently brush her wet hair. “I think it’s ‘bout a week-”

“A week?” Ellie whimpered, shutting her eyes in denial. “You have to be shitting me, old man.” Ellie released another squeeze to Joel’s hand, trying to suppress the pain. Joel looked back down to his bag, itching to get the painkillers. Suddenly, another cough took over him and he released his hand from Ellie’s chest to hide his mouth, letting a drip of discharge run on his sleeve. “Joel-”

“I’m fine, I promise. Probably just a cold or somethin’.” Ellie arose, despite Joel’s protests. She pressed a hand against his cheek, checking for a fever. “What are you doin’?” He asked, an amused smile on his face. He took her wrist, moving her hand to his forehead. “There ya go.”

“I dunno, this is what Riley did when I got a stomach bug a couple of months ago.” 

“Riley?” Joel asked, his tone confused. Ellie looked down for a moment, letting her mask slip for a second. Joel moved towards her but she rejected it, continuing to press her hand against his temple. 

“Just… someone I knew in the QZ.” Ellie whispered quickly, moving past the subject rapidly. Her eyes avoided his and focused on his features, looking for a sign of sickness. “Your head feels hot. That means you have a fever, right?” Joel smiled at her naiveness. He nodded, grimly, sitting on the bed with his back leaning against the wall that guarded the left side of it. “And that’s not good…” Joel nodded, shutting his eyes for a second. 

“Probably just a cold.” He mumbled, shaking his head. Ellie gently pulled him down to lay down onto the bed, quickly moving beside him. She curled into his arms, feeling them wrap around her tightly. He took the heat pack from the dresser, slipping it under her hoodie just below her ribs and to the right, directly on her abdomen. “Better?” 

“It’s not as bad now… still hurts.” Ellie muttered, exhaustion taking over her. Her body was warm in her clothes and with the pack pressing against her, she felt slumber beginning to take her over. “Hey, Joel?”

“Yeah?” He asked, looking down at her shut eyes with care. Every now and then he felt her breathing become uneven, or heard a small peep of pain come from her lips. In response, he simply pressed the heating pack closer to her skin or rubbed her back, just as he did when she had a nightmare. 

“I…” She left her sentence hanging, taking a small breath, holding it captive before releasing it. “... night.” 

Joel nodded, closing his eyes. “Night, baby girl.” He dreamt of what she was going to finish her sentence with, though he knew the next two words and he relished it. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey! next chapter's going to be a request I just got today, so be sure to give me any more requests you have so that I can get them written for the next couple of chapters asap! thanks so much for reading, comments are really appreciated, as well as kudos! there will be an update tomorrow because I'm actually really excited about this next chapter! ngl, i got a bit emotional writing it, so i hope you'll like it! thanks!


	10. Chapter Ten

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ellie's nightmares return as Joel's sickness continues to spread.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Suggestion from Jasmin Baus:  
> Hey. I was wondering if you could have a moment in the story when ellie is comfortable enough to tell Joel about her past. that she mentions riley...but not saying that she was just a friends but telling him how she really felt about her. or if not that then could ellie come out to Joel at some point in the story?
> 
> thanks for the suggestion, hope you enjoy the chapter!

_ "Why did you let me die, Ellie? Why did you shoot me?" A familiar voice rang through Ellie's head as she found herself in front of that  _ fucking  _ carousel. The shiny gleam of the ponies haunted her, all of their plastic eyes meeting hers. "You were selfish. You killed me so you could live. Did you ever love me?" _

_ "I didn't want to kill you…" Ellie whispered, noticing Riley's slumped over figure on one of the shining horses. "I had no choice." Two white dots lived where her eyes were as they made contact with Ellie. _

_ Riley's lifeless body suddenly moved, jerking as if it were being controlled by a puppeteer. "Tell yourself that…" Her voice was hoarse and dry, like it hadn’t spoken for decades. Ellie stepped back as Riley began to crawl towards her on all fours. "You killed me, Ellie. No wonder no one loves you." _

_ "That… that isn't true! Joel loves me!" Ellie cried, fearfully retreating as Riley's imposter moved closer. Blades seemed to grow from her fingers and she looked up, dark, black liquid spilling from her eyes. "Please, please… Riley, stop." _

_ "Riley's gone! You made sure of that!" The creature let out a banshee scream, abruptly ending it as she pounced on Ellie, the nail-blades digging into Ellie's skin. "You're nothing! An abomination!"  _

_ "Please… stop…" Ellie sobbed, feeling the metal dig into her shirt, then her skin. The carousel began to spin behind them as Ellie tried desperately to push Riley off, tears streaming down her cheeks. Ellie's skin began taut with pain as Riley suddenly jumped off of her, retracting her claws.  _

_ "You're going to… pay…" Riley croaked, slinking into the darkness and leaving Ellie alone. Ellie slowly stood up, limping towards where Riley had abandoned her. Ellie suddenly felt the darkness of the mall crowding her, not allowing her to breath as she looked around, hyperventilating. Ellie closed in on herself, her hands hiding in her chest.  _

_ "Riley…?" Ellie called out, grabbing at the cuts in her skin. Ellie felt her skin become damp with salty tears as she looked around, searching for any sign of life. "Riley, please don't leave." Ellie whimpered, only to find a transparent wall blocking her. Ellie cried, slamming her fists against the wall. She screamed in pain, begging the border to drop. "No, please. Please, don't leave. Please, I don’t want to be alone." Ellie weeped, kicking the wall once again only to find pain blossom through her toe. "Please, I don't want to be alone. Please."  _

_ Ellie fell against the wall, sliding down and hiding her head in her arms and letting out a furious scream.  _

_ Ellie remained there for minutes, crying at the loss of her first friend and love. She looked down at her bite mark, screaming at it. "Fuck you!" She sobbed, berating it with her other hand, trying to rip it from her arm. Suddenly, another wave of footsteps came from the carousel and it abruptly halted, showing another face. Ellie looked up, cringing as she saw Joel's body coming towards her. "Please… please stop."  _

_ "She's right, y'know." Joel's voice was gruff as he moved towards Ellie, his hands curling into fists. She remembered when she kissed Riley, hoping he would understand. "You're an abomination." Ellie cried, shaking her head in denial. Cold shock raced through her as she heard Joel's cruel words, his slurs.  _

_ "Stop… please. I don't know what I did wrong." Ellie weeped, trying to reach towards Joel only to feel him slap her back to the ground. "I thought you loved me… don’t you love me?” Ellie asked, looking as a gentle look crossed over Joel, almost making her think she was safe from his words… but, she wasn’t. Ever since they’d arrived in Salt Lake, her nightmares had worsened, plagued by the idea that all she’d done -all she had been through- was for absolutely nothing. _

_ Joel let out an airy laugh, caressing Ellie's cheek with a glare. Ellie cringed under the stranger’s grip, wishing  _ her  _ Joel would return to her and tell her it would all be okay. "Oh, baby girl… who could love you?" Joel asked her, pushing her face away from him and spitting at her feet in anger. "You're disgusting."  _

_ Ellie's nose wavered in fear as Joel smacked his palm against her, sending her back. Confusion etched through her, wondering what she had done wrong.  _ What did I do? What did I do, Joel? Please, tell me. I’ll make up for it, I’ll do anything.  _ She sobbed again, rubbing her cheek and shutting her eyes, accepting that this was her world now. She kneeled on the dirt below her, looking up at Joel standing above her.  _

_ "Please, I… I loved her. Please, I didn't mean to do anything wrong…" Ellie begged, feeling Joel kick her once again in disgust, spitting horrible words at her. Ellie cringed in the pain, accepting her punishment with guilt. Everything in her that she knew had vanished. Joel  _ didn’t  _ love her… she  _ was  _ a monster for kissing Riley. It was all her fault. _

_ Joel suddenly bared his knife, moving towards her with white hot anger radiating off of him. Ellie let out a quiet peep, backing away from him with her arms, desperately trying to escape him. "Dyke…" He huffed, watching as Ellie nodded, accepting the word and believing it. Ellie let out another shaky sob, giving one last plea for Joel to stop… he took her head in his hands, driving the knife into her throat with a glare. Ellie let out one last cry as she felt her body betray her, making everything go black around her. The last thing she saw was Joel standing over her, his bloody knife in his hands with a satisfied smile.  _

“ _ No… _ ” Ellie murmured, shaking and shivering in her dream, tears covering her skin as sweat raced from her pores. Joel scrambled to her, quickly awakened by the cries and screams. He frowned, knowing exactly what this was and he took her body in his arms, heaving her on his lap like he did so many weeks ago during the Winter. “Riley…” Ellie whimpered, her eyes screwed shut in the death-grip that the dream held on her.

Joel caressed her cheek, blowing a sweaty strand of hair out of her face. He shook her gently, cupping her jaw with his palms. “Ellie… Ellie, wake up, baby girl.” He whispered, shaking a little harder as a chastising scream ran through his ears, making his eardrums feel as if they were going to burst. “Ellie, get up!” He croaked, shaking her once again as a near seizure took over her body, making her shake in a violent matter. “Ellie, please, you’re scarin’ me.” He sounded louder and louder as more cries released from her small body, making mental wounds cut each inch of his body. 

“Please… don’t do this… Joel…” His eyes widened and he shook her harder, desperate to get her out of the terror she was living. “Don’t leave…” He felt tears beginning to sting through him, leaving his eyes in a quick manner as he shook her harder, begging her to wake up. 

“Ellie, please… baby girl, come back to me. I’m right here, come back to me.” He whispered in her ear, taking her in his arms and just hoping she would wake up and feel safe in his presence again. Joel didn’t want to think of what she was going through in the dream, all he wanted was for her to wake up. Finally, an abrupt screech escaped her lips, quickly making her jump awake in Joel’s arms. “Thank God…” He whispered, squeezing her tighter as he peeled her from his arms, looking her in the eyes. 

Her eyebrows knitted together in pain as he met her shining eyes, speaking a thousand words with a gaze. “Joel… y-you’re-”

“I’m here, I’m right here.” Joel promised, feeling her dive back into his arms as the ocean of pain and whimpers dawned over her, controlling her body and panicked inhales. Ellie looked around her, trying to make herself sure that she wasn’t really in the mall anymore and that Joel still loved her. 

“Do… Do you care about me?” She whispered, cries breaking her sentence with every second as she shook in his grip. He squeezed his features together, wrinkling his skin and cringing at her question.  _ I love you more than you know.  _

“You’re my baby girl… You have no idea how much I care about you, kiddo.” He swore, feeling her cries increase in his chest. They were muffled by his shirt and he frowned, rubbing her back and humming a tune to her. Ellie squinted her eyes shut, seeing the horrific vision of Riley in her eyes.  _ I need to tell him about… about our kiss. What if… what if he calls me a…  _ A pit devolved in her stomach as she looked up, trying to steady herself. “Was it… was it the same one?” Joel asked her, pouting when she shook his head. His eyes shifted with a paternal gaze, feeling her let out another, quieter sob as she surfaced from his chest, looking up at him. 

She looked like a child again in his arms and he stared down at her, his eyes full of concern and pain looking at her state. “Do… do you want to talk about it?” Joel asked, his voice hoarse. His tears dried on his wrinkled, dry skin as he awaited her response, clearly curious as to what had gotten her  _ so  _ upset. “I can help you better if you talk about it, baby girl.” 

Ellie let out another shaky cry, hiding her head in Joel’s neck, feeling the bottom of his beard scratch her and she knitted her eyebrows together, scrunching her features up in pain. Another wave of pain ran through her abdomen and she grabbed at it, letting out a small moan. She felt Joel rubbing her back in an attempt to comfort her, though it didn’t do much. “I… I’m afraid of what… what you’ll say.” She whispered through cries, feeling Joel shake his head. 

“Nothing you say can make me change what I feel about you, kiddo.” He swore, hugging her tighter and swearing at the thought she could even consider that. Ellie let out another shaky exhale, trying to calm herself down but desperately failing. Her hair fell in her face, sweaty both with her sweat and tears that coated her face and now the center of Joel’s flannel. 

“I… I lied to you.” Ellie muttered, thinking back when he had asked her about Riley and she simply looked down, too overcome with grief to respond. It didn’t go unnoticed. “Riley, she… she wasn’t  _ just  _ my friend.” Ellie’s voice quivered as she felt like she was going to puke, savoring the feeling of Joel loving her like it could be the last time she felt it without him judging her. 

Joel hugged her tighter, feeling her anxiety. He listened carefully, awaiting her explanation to her fear and terror of what she’d seen. “I… I kissed her.” Ellie whispered, barely loud enough for Joel to hear, but he heard it. He shook his head in pain, sensing how nervous she was about his response by the cries and whimpers that escaped her after she had admitted her ‘crime.’

“Oh, baby girl…” He sighed, feeling sick that she was so anxious and he didn’t even see it. Ellie shut her eyes, awaiting his rejection or the horrible slurs he had called her in her nightmare. She winced, but only felt a kiss on her forehead. She opened her eyes in confusion, feeling Joel frame her face with his palms, making her look up at him. 

“You… you don’t hate me?” Joel let out a chuckle, shaking his head violently and caressing her wet cheeks gently, making her feel only worse.  _ What if this is a trick?  _ She thought, remembering back to how Joel had killed her in her nightmare because of her kiss with Riley. 

“Ellie, it don’t matter to me who you like. You’re my baby girl, and nothin’s changing that.” Joel swore, feeling Ellie collapse into a wave of cries in his chest, all of the worry she’d been experiencing about his response to her sexuality coming crashing down her as it washed off of her. “Oh, baby girl… it’s okay. I never, ever will leave you.” 

Ellie looked up at him, her eyes full of tears and her tears damp. “I had… I had to shoot her, Joel.” Ellie croaked, sobbing once again. Joel felt physical pain as Ellie let out another whimper, hiding in his chest like a toddler. She felt so weak like this, but the climate that Joel created with her prevented her from having a full blown anxiety attack in his arms. “She died and… and I’m still here.”

“Baby girl, that… that ain’t your fault. You stopped her pain, you did the right thing.” Joel whispered in her ear, brushing his hands through her hair carefully as he allowed her to release all of her stress and fear onto him, hiding her in his arms. 

“Do you promise?” Ellie asked him, wiping her face with her sleeve and looking up at him, being gifted a slight break in her cries. Joel nodded violently, scooping her up in his arms and letting her kneel on his lap. She felt him completely surround her with his arms and hide her from the world, sealing her off. 

“I swear on my life.” Ellie’s cries slowly divided down into whimpers and weeps as he squeezed her, trying to think of something to say. “I’m right here. I ain’t going anywhere.” Ellie let out another, final cry as she remembered what he had done in her dream and he looked down, prompting her to explain. “What happened, tell me.” He asked gently, feeling her take his hands and squeeze them until she had no strength left. 

“You… you said these… horrible things. She… she said you were going to leave-” Ellie recalled, not wanting to see Joel after she told him he had murdered his own companion. Joel felt a shiver run through his body as Ellie went still for a moment, like a corpse. She awaited his response, desperate for an ounce of comfort. 

“That’s  _ not  _ happenin’.” Joel cut her off, promising with his whole existence that he wouldn’t leave her under any circumstance. “I am  _ never, ever  _ leavin’ you. We’re a pair, okay? I don’t care who you like, as long as you’re here with me.” 

Ellie’s sobbing quieted and she roped her hands around his neck, just hanging there and savoring his scent and the feeling of him wrapped entirely around her.  _ I love you, Joel.  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks so much for reading and thanks for the suggestion! make sure to leave requests down in the comments! kudos and comments are very appreciated and there'll be an update in a couple days! thanks so much!


	11. Chapter Eleven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Joel falls sick to an illness and Ellie overworks herself, leaving to find medicine and desperately trying to bring Joel back to her.

A cold sweat ran over Joel’s head as he awoke, noticing the absolute feeling of his head imploding on him. He groaned, opening his eyes. The sunlight battered him, appearing much too bright. "Ah…" 

He suddenly realized the absence of Ellie by his side. He jumped up, his body not allowing it and he fell back down to the bed. "Ellie?" He croaked, looking around the room.  _ Thank God.  _ He saw a figure sitting by his feet, her head in her hands as her fingers hid in her messy hair. She was muttering to herself in a craze.

"Oh my God… Joel?” He felt someone instantly take him in their arms, squeezing him tightly. Cries echoed through the room as his brain tried to catch up with Ellie weeping against him. “You’ve been out for a day.” She whispered, tears dripping down her face as she got as close to him as she could, trying to count every breath he took. “I thought… I thought…” 

Joel let out another cough, pushing Ellie away slightly. He tried to make out words through his fever, desperate to comfort her. She paced the room, once again whispering mutterings and different medicines under her breath. Books were scattered across the floor of the room and it looked much more cluttered than it had the previous day, or… the day before that, for Joel. He cringed, watching her limp across the room, grabbing her abdomen as she anxiously paced around, pouring different pills from bottles into her palm. “Are… are you feelin’ better?” He made through his nasally sickness, watching Ellie move as if she had been full of energy, but he could tell it wasn’t the case. “... Ellie.” 

“Y-yeah, I’m fine.” Ellie whispered, looking at him directly. There were bags under her eyes as she looked at him, her expression broken. “Fuck, we’re almost out of medicine.” She whispered to herself, sifting through one of the spilled bottles on the floor, tossing it beside her. Joel slowly rose, leaning against the bed to sit up and watch her crazed movements with concern palpable in his veins. 

“ _ Ellie.  _ Did… did you sleep?” He murmured quietly, watching as she ignored him, pouring a small cup of coughing syrup into a cup and moving towards him. She handed it to him, raising it to his lips. 

“Here, for the cough.” Ellie whispered, watching him drink it slowly, wincing due to the horrible taste it gave him. _Wait… where’d she get this?... she’s been outside. Alone. Because I can’t get up._ “And, no, I was out last night on a supply run.” Ellie answered quickly, moving towards the portable stove on the ground. Water boiled in it and she threw a few cloves of food in, watching it hiss in response. Ellie stirred the makeshift soup, the watery-broth serving as a good counter-fight to the sickness. “Here, soup’s almost ready.”  
“You… you left at night?” Joel asked, pinched his eyebrows together, trying to clear the headache and his sinuses. Ellie nodded, throwing a few rounds of ammo into her bag and tying her shoe laces, looking back towards the door. “Where… where are you goin’?”  
“There’s a hospital on the other side of town I haven’t cleared yet. You need more medicine, so I’m heading out in a little bit.” Ellie answered non-chalantly, throwing her bag over her shoulders and holding Joel’s shotgun in her hands. Her hair was tied up in a messy bun with the familiar strands framing her face, showing her desperation to help Joel. 

“W-what? No, baby girl, you… you can’t go out by yourself.” He coughed once again, sending a frown across her lips. She moved towards him, sending the back of her hand to his forehead gently, checking his fever once again. 

“Fever’s getting worse… damn it, need more Ibuprofen.” She whispered to herself, kneeling beside a book on the floor listing medicines and flipping through it obsessively, not even hearing Joel call her name. All that she was focused on was helping Joel to the point she couldn’t hear anything but a ringing in her ear as she flipped through the pages, looking for anything that could help him. She had found a bunch of medical books when she was out the previous day. Joel called her name once again, saying it a bit louder. Her head snapped up towards him, only looking because she thought he was crying out for her in pain. “What, what’s wrong? Is it the medicine, dammit… knew it wasn’t good.” 

“N-no, Ellie… you need to relax for a little. You’re goin’ five hundred miles an hour.” His voice was hoarse and she simply shook her head, handing him her canteen, pressing it to his left hand. Joel shook his head, pressing it away even though it felt as if his throat were cracking. “Did you get  _ any  _ sleep when I was out?”

“No, like I said, I was out.” 

“Did you… you see anyone?” He asked, his fingers pinching his forehead in an ache as another wave of his headache ran through him. Though, the pain felt muted and he realized Ellie  _ had  _ been helping him, even at her own cost. Painkillers were running through his veins, suppressing the pain and fever momentarily. She wore the same clothes she’d been wearing two days ago and he could tell she hadn’t eaten. “Have you eaten?” 

Ellie shook her head, looking in her bag for something for him to eat. “No, are you hungry? I gave you soup, like… an hour ago, I don’t know, but-”

“ _ Ellie. _ ” She looked up at him, surprised as he grabbed her hands, looking directly into her eyes. She quieted for a minute, seeing his worry. 

“I’m fine, I promise. You could be fucking dying, I need to go out again.” Ellie tore her hands from him quickly, throwing her bag over her shoulders and standing, pulling him into a hug. “I’ll be back in an hour, I promise.” Ellie swore, but Joel caught her wrist, giving her a glare. “Joel-”

“Baby girl, I’ll survive. You look terrible, you haven’t slept. It ain’t safe for you to go out alone in your condition, ‘specially if you’re still sick.” Joel whispered, pulling Ellie closer to him with a frown. She sighed, hugging him, but standing once again. “Ellie, please, don’t… don’t leave.” Joel begged, not wanting to think about all the things that could go wrong while he wasn’t there for her. 

“I’ve done this for you a billion times, Joel, have I ever not come back?” She asked him, making him sigh with a deep heave.  _ Winter… fuckin’ winter.  _ He thought, painfully remembering the month. “I’ll be back in an hour or two, I promise. If I’m not back by then, then you’re allowed to worry.” 

Ellie rushily gave him one last hug, allowing herself to stare into his eyes. They begged her not to leave, to be careful, to just stay and snuggle with him, but she wouldn’t listen. “I promise, I’ll be careful.” Part of her hesitated, clearly wanting to say something. “I… I love you, Joel.” She whispered before shutting the door behind her, not wanting to hear his response or possible rejection. Joel stood there, trying to catch up with her instantaneous leaving. Part of him itched to follow her but he knew he was nowhere near able to walk for more than a couple feet. 

“I… I love you, too. Please be careful, baby girl.” 

\-----------------------------------------  
  


_ How hard can this be…? Very hard, Ellie. Be careful.  _ She snapped at herself, feeling a physical sickness as she walked away from the motel, leaving Joel behind. She didn’t like it any more than he did. Each step felt like a betrayal and every inch of her wanted to turn back, fall into his arms and get just a second of rest, but her body wouldn’t let her. 

Ellie was absolutely  _ exhausted  _ to the point her ribs hurt with each breath, but she didn’t care. Joel needed her and that trumped anything that she was complaining about. “Okay, hospital… hospital.” Ellie whispered to herself, looking to the towering building and cringing, knowing there was no way it would be clear. Her footsteps echoed through the silent noon while she hummed to herself, trying to keep her mind off of the towering thought in her head:  _ what if he’s already dead when I get anything? What if I fail him?  _

“I can do this… I can do this, I can do this.” Ellie warily looked around her as the building approached, warning Ellie to stay away. “Not threatening at all.” She croaked, looking up at the four story building, taking an audible gulp.  _ I wish he was here.  _ She looked to her right, imagining Joel standing beside her and taking her into a hug, whispering comforting words. “Okay. I can do this.” 

A piece of paper wavered through her hands as she entered the hospital, the doors barely able to move anymore. They let out a small hiss as she pushed herself through them, wincing when one brushed past her abdomen.  _ Still hurts.  _ Ellie didn’t have time to care, she moved through the hospital swiftly, already hearing grunts and clicks move through her ears.  _ Fuck… couldn’t be easy, could it?  _

The first clicker went down easily, blood spilling down her shirt as she shushed it violently, knowing these monsters were trying to take her from Joel. “Sh.” Ellie hissed, letting its body gently fall to the ground. She crouched through the hospital, suddenly hearing footsteps behind her, scaring her. A runner collapsed against her, berating her with open fists. A cut opened on her cheek as she growled in pain, feeling a wave of pain also run through her abdomen.  _ No, not now… no, no.  _

As her left arm kept the runner away from her, she reached for its throat with her knife, letting it slam into the runner with an exhausted sigh. The runner’s weight slumped over her before she threw it off, reaching at her abdomen in pain. This one was worse and she felt a tear run down her cheek from the pain. Joel had given her things for the… _period, that’s what he called it._ They didn’t help much, though.   
Suddenly, Ellie felt vomit rising in her throat as her nausea increased. Bile fell beside her while she bent over, vomiting with a small cry. Her body was so tired but she kept going, wiping her mouth. Ellie’s hand ripped the knife from the runner’s throat, an expression of hatred hidden in her features. “Jesus…” Ellie sighed, placing her hands on her knees, already missing Joel.   
The flashlight latched on Ellie’s backpack illuminated a checkout, peaking Ellie’s interest. She ran to the shelves, quickly digging her nails in them, searching for anything useful. Ellie began searching the shelves, her fingers searching for anything that could help Joel. Mostly, her fingers grasped air and dirt, which she wiped off on her -Joel’s- flannel. Then, she heard a clunk as her hand whipped back into the shelves. Ellie’s ears rose at the sound, swiping in the same spot. Her fingers wrapped around a bottle, pills rattling around inside. _Yes… yes, yes._ Ellie screamed in her head, nearly hugging the bottle as she read the label. _Ciprofloxacin… sounds like it’ll help._ Ellie tucked it in her bag, smiling a small bit. It actually felt like she could help Joel. 

Abruptly ending her thoughts, another wave of pain ran through her abdomen, making her remember the exhaustion that dawned on her body. Ellie didn’t sleep a second the previous night. Not only from the pain, but Joel’s coughing. It was abhorrent and loud, but she didn’t mind that part. It was as if she could feel the fever coming onto him… feeling him get sicker. Besides that, he hadn’t even stirred the previous day, staying asleep the entire day. With each hour, Ellie grew more and more panicked, unable to breath at times. Still, she mustered the strength, to visit the houses in the town, searching for anything. Four new comic cards had entered her collection, almost easing her. Still, it felt wrong to go on without Joel.

At one point she’d even left the room, the echoes of death ringing through her mind, each thought getting progressively more morbid. Joel didn’t notice, though… that was what really scared her. He was always so tuned to her noises and the fact that it slipped past him frightened her.  _ Maybe he doesn’t care anymore. _ She had originally thought, but her mind threw that idea out of the window. 

From the corner of her eye, a sparkle reflected through her.  _ Glass.  _ Ellie smiled, jogging over to a sectioned off office. “Could have stuff in it.” Ellie whispered, wiping the dust off of the glass with her window. “Yes, yes.” Ellie chanted, seeing cabinets inside. “These can help.” She croaked, desperate to find anything that could help Joel. He was in terrible shape and because of that, she was even worse. 

A devilish smile came over Ellie as she took one of the many bricks lying on the floor. The ceiling above her looked as if it had caved in so there were many projectiles lying beneath her feet. In a quick movement, the brick met the glass, making a loud crash. 

_ Maybe I shouldn't have done that _ . Ellie looked around, expecting something to jump out at her, but… nothing. Okay… She thought, not trusting the silence. Her knife now in her hands, she jumped over the broken glass, landing into a much smaller room. A single safe laid ahead of her while shelves lined the rest of the walls, bottles on some of them. “Jackpot.” Ellie grinned, moving towards the safe. Suddenly, something jumped out at her, making her heart rate jump like a frog. “Shit!” Ellie yelped, feeling a dead body collapse on her. She collapsed to the floor from the literal dead weight, coughing slightly. “Oh, you motherfucker…” Ellie groaned, rubbing her cheek. A small bruise had landed on her cheek from the force of the body’s hands coming down on her. 

“You’re such a shit.” Ellie growled, pushing the body off of her. He had a dark bite mark on his cheek, gore and blood running down his face and neck. “Ew.” She remarked, pushing the body to the ground. Her face fell when she saw the graffiti where the body had been hanging. It looked like the noose had broken when she entered, making the body collapse on her. “You… you were a firefly?” Ellie whispered, seeing the familiar insignia light up under the flashlight on her backpack. 

A pit grew in Ellie’s stomach, making her lips curve into a deep frown. What if they all ended up like this? What if they’re all dead? Ellie rejected the idea, tearing her eyes away from the graffiti. It felt as if a physical chain had been tying her to it and when she broke it, it almost hurt her in a way.  _ There has to be some alive… there has to be, there’s no way there isn’t. If not, we… we can go back to the QZ, maybe Marlene will still be there. If she’s not… _ Ellie twisted her eyes shut, shooting the idea from her head. Besides Joel, Marlene was the only thing Ellie had ever had for a role model. If she lost her… it would break her. She’ll be fine.  _ They’ll make a vaccine and Joel and I can go back to Jackson. Everything will be okay. _

“It’s okay, kiddo.” Ellie tried to impersonate Joel, but it didn’t exactly work. His accent twisted her tongue, making her words trip over themselves. She smiled, nearly laughing at how bad it was. “That was horrible. Hey, Ellie.” She tried again, only to make herself sound worse. A small giggle escaped her. Ellie imagined the smirk and eyeroll he would wear if Joel were beside her… but he wasn’t. She was alone. Ellie’s smile died as she remembered Joel sick in his bed. “Right.” She whispered, remembering why she was here. I need to focus. 

Ellie took a key she had found from her pocket, trying it on the safe. Miraculously, it had worked. A small click rang through the air as the safe slowly cracked open, illuminated by Ellie’s flashlight. “Yes… yes, yes.” Ellie chanted, grabbing the two bottles she scavenged from the safe. “Ace… Acetaminophen.” She stuttered over the name, pocketing the bottle of syrup into her backpack behind her. “Andddd…” Ellie drew out her word, squinting at the label on the bag. “... Ceftriaxone. Whatever that is.”  _ Time to get back, this should be enough for a couple of more days.  _

Ellie felt a physical weight lift off of her as she moved towards the exit, beginning to calm… that was when the glass doors slammed shut, making her nearly release a scream from her mouth. “What the-” Ellie was cut off as she took in the sight of some rancid looking beast charging towards her, its fists raised. It looked even  _ bigger  _ than a bloater and she suddenly let out a scream, running from the thing and quickly wielding Joel’s shotgun and releasing it. 

The monster didn’t even seem to be phased by the blow to the head, only scaring Ellie more. Her hands shook as she looked for another exit, desperate to get back to Joel.  _ Maybe I… I can block it off or something. There’s no fighting this thing.  _ The monster screeched, quaking Ellie’s bones as she ran as fast as she could, shooting the beast with each step, but it didn’t seem to do much. “Fuck!” Ellie croaked, seeing the monster approach her quicker and quicker. 

Her muscles finally seized her fear, letting her dodge out of the way of the monster and release another shot in its neck, pouring an ocean of blood from its flesh. Still… nothing. 

Gunshots rained through the air as it came closer and closer to Ellie, now less than a foot away.  _ “No! _ ” Ellie screamed, feeling it pick her up like she was nothing but a weed. It squeezed her waist, moving it closer to its jaw, its teeth hungry for her fair and soft skin. “ _ Fuck… you _ !” Ellie squealed, taking Joel’s shotgun and aiming directly for the monster’s face and shooting, her ears feeling like they were going to burst. 

The monster dropped her somehow, letting her skamper away like an injured beast. Her hands dove in her bag, grabbing a molotov and lighting it quickly, hurling it towards the monster. It only seemed to upset it more, making Ellie’s bottom lip quiver. “What’s going to fucking kill you?!” Ellie whined, letting another finger push the trigger only to find a small  _ click  _ awaited her action, letting all of her hope fall into pieces. “No, no, no.” 

Booming footsteps screamed towards her, letting her temporarily dodge it, pushing her switchblade into its skin, having no fight left. “Fuck you!” Ellie roared, sinking the knife in as many times before it picked her up once again. “Get off!” Ellie screamed as loud as she could, praying that there wasn’t another one of those  _ things  _ in the building that was coming towards her. 

Its teeth began to dig into her old bite mark, sending pain blossoming through her. And then… it ended. Her left hand stopped stabbing as the thing collapsed, dropping her along with it. Ellie groaned in pain, grabbing her bite mark and holding it in her chest, a small whimper escaping her. 

Ellie laid there for what must’ve been ten minutes just contemplating her exhaustion, her old bite mark slowly dripping blood down her arm. Finally, she mustered the strength to stand, swinging her bag over her shoulders and looking down at the body, frowning. 

_ What… what are you _ ? She hadn’t even seen it before and decided she didn’t care. Ellie just wanted to get back to Joel. She wanted him to be proud of her and show him that she could actually do something right. Worry bled through her as she made her way back, anxiety building in her that she was too late and he’d already be dead.

Aside from that, she was  _ so tired.  _ Her arm hurt like hell and a small bruise formed on her face from when the thing had struck her. Joel would no doubt be ballistic about her injuries, but she didn’t even care. For the first time since Joel was sick, she just wanted some sleep. 

As she limped towards the motel, she wiped her tears from her cheeks, trying to present herself better so she didn’t worry Joel as much. He was already dealing with too much and she knew he’d try to get up to help her. Ellie climbed the steps to their room in the motel, feeling her tiredness weigh her down with each step. But, she didn’t care. 

She provided for Joel. Ellie had found the exact medicine he needed, somehow. And that was the only thing she relished as she opened the door to the room, instantly seeing Joel turn over in his sheets. He was waiting for her to respond, not even trying to be patient. As soon as he saw her, he cringed. Blood was poured on her shirt, both from the monster and the other Infected. But, she didn’t even speak, she just closed the door behind her and sat down, searching through her bag for the medicine she’d found. Three bottles came out of her bag, one syrup and the other two pills. “Ellie…” He whispered, seeing a small bit of her own blood drip from her hand. “ _ Ellie _ .” He talked a little bit louder, snapping her out of her desperation to help Joel. 

“I’m fine.” She whispered, her response a little softer than it had been hours earlier when Joel first awoke. He grimaced, shaking his head gently as she looked up at him, tears shimmering in her eyes. She pushed them down, walking towards him with the medicine and a silent grip on her. “Here, this will help with the cough.” Ellie muttered, placing the syrup beside him as she took out the other two bottles, holding them up for Joel to see. “And this, this’ll keep your fever down. I read some books yesterday and I think this’ll help your immune system or something, and-”  
_“Ellie._ ” Joel interrupted her, sitting up slightly to take her in his sight. Blood dripped from her right arm and a bruise lived right under her eye. He frowned, seeing the exhaustion hidden in her skin. “Are you okay? What happened?” 

“Ran into some fucker. Bloater, I think… I dunno, he was bigger than a bloater.” Ellie mumbled, pouring the syrup into a small cup and handing it to Joel. He accepted it gratefully, not done with his interrogation. Joel then put the now empty cup down, refusing anymore medicine until Ellie was okay. “I’m okay.” 

“Let me see.” Joel shook his head, watching as Ellie sighed, pulling her sleeve up. Her bite was bleeding from the cysts, making a small wave of pain gravitate through her. “Baby girl…” He murmured, taking her hand gently in his arms and reaching down to her bag, pulling out an almost clean roll of bandages.  
“I’m sorry. I really was trying to be careful.” 

“No, you did good. You’ve been doin’ really good. Reckon you saved my life today.” Joel assured her, seeing a small smile spread on her face. He bandaged her arm, not tying it too tightly. The bite had already marked her so he was sure that she was sensitive about him seeing it. She thought it was the ugliest part of her, the thing that set her out from the crowd. “I’m proud of you.” Ellie’s smile grew once again and suddenly, she dove into his arms, her arm still in pain.

“I… I thought you were dead. You didn’t wake up.” Ellie whispered, having no tears left to even cry. She’d spent all of them on David, the bloater from days ago, the hunters… she was  _ done  _ crying. 

“I told you, never gon’ happen.” Joel swore softly, cursing at himself that he left Ellie alone once again. “You sure that arm’s okay?” He asked, feeling the softness in her return. Her hardened exterior began to melt as she shook her head, clutching it slightly. 

“It… I’m okay.” She whispered, her shields recovering from their weakness and coming back even stronger. “I’m really good, I promise.” Ellie pulled herself from Joel’s grip, bringing her focus back to the pills that laid before her on the dresser. “Here, these… um, these will help. And then, I’ll go back out tomorrow… search the second floor of… of the hospital.”

“Ellie…” She didn’t respond, she just handed him the pills and her canteen, then set herself to make food for Joel. Her stomach growled but she told it to shut up. Joel was all that mattered right now. He could barely get a sentence out without a cough and though his fever had lowered, it was still above a hundred, which was nowhere near good. Joel sighed in defeat, seeing she wasn’t going to talk anytime soon. But he’d be damned if he didn’t get her to at least rest. “Will you at least sleep?”

“I’m not tired.” Ellie lied through her teeth, dragging a rabbit from her bag and skinning it, not even wincing anymore as she separated its flesh from its skin. She took the portable stove Joel had found and threw the meat onto the grill, beginning to cook it. She packed the skin into the dresser’s drawer, knowing socks would probably be able to be made from it, something she was in dire need of.

“Yes, you are.” Joel saw through her lies, letting out another dry cough, making Ellie look up. She rubbed his back just as he’d do for her during her nightmares and looked at his sleeve. 

“No discharge, cough’s getting a little better.” She whispered, more to herself. It was weird having Joel be okay whilst he was sick. She was so used to being on her own after Winter and now, nursing him again just brought back too many memories… none of them were good. But Ellie didn’t care, she needed to push through it. Joel needed her more right now. 

“For me… take some rest, kiddo.” He begged, breathing heavily. She paused, shifting her weight from foot to foot. Finally, an eye roll ran through her and she nodded, knowing she desperately wanted it anyway. 

“Only for a little bit.” Ellie finally muttered, watching as Joel scooted over, making room for her gratefully. His face had a warm look of relief as she laid beside him, relishing the feeling when her body was finally able to stop working so hard for just a second. 

Joel quickly pulled her in close to him, making sure she was warm and comfortable. She was stiff for a few minutes before finally, she returned his embrace, hiding in his strong arms. The medicine was beginning to sit into Joel and he felt his pain and cough lessen, looking down to Ellie with a grateful expression. “Thank you.” He whispered, both for allowing herself to relax and what she risked to make him feel just a little less pain. “I’m feelin’ a bit better.”

Ellie seemed to finally breathe at that statement and she allowed herself to hug Joel back, feeling as if she actually did something.  _ I actually helped him…?  _ “Really?” Joel nodded, feeling his headache lighten, almost dissipate for a second, but it returned quickly, though: it was still weakened. 

“Mhm… reckon I’ll be good with a good sleep… and so will you.” Joel said the last part firmly, looking down at her and rubbing her back, making her feel almost okay again. “You need your rest, too, okay? Don’t make me worry about you, baby girl.” 

“I… I’ll try to sleep.” Ellie shuddered, remembering the nightmare she’d had two days prior. It felt so… so real. She didn’t know if she’d be able to see Joel so… so mad at her once again. Ellie shuddered, an action that didn’t go past Joel. 

“It’s okay. I’ll be right here.” Joel assured her, feeling her fear and quenching it with no mercy. Ellie looked up at him and nodded, shutting her eyes. With Joel running his fingers through her hair, sending warm breath across her freckled skin. Soon enough, due to her exhaustion and Joel being somewhat okay again, she fell asleep, her mind waiting to terrorize her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks so much for reading! requests are welcome and comments/kudos are greatly appreciated! should be an update soon and I'll see you guys in a bit! thanks for reading!


	12. Chapter Twelve

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> request came in :D
> 
> If you don't have an idea for a chapter I was think maybe ellie wakes up from a nightmare or maybe she's just not tired and wants to get some fresh air, so she opens a window to get some air in and she sets on a stool and starts reading the letter her mom gave her. Joel wakes up and relises shes not in bed so he goes to look for her and sees her just setting there reading something and well you already know where I'm kind of going with this so Id like to see what you would write for this scenario :)

_ Ellie knew it was a nightmare, but… nothing seemed wrong. She was in the same room, in the same motel. And then, she realized with a cold terror that Joel was no longer next to her. She threw herself up, her body instantly shaking in loss. “Joel?!” Ellie called, her voice quick and worried. A chill ran through the air and a level of goosebumps settled on her skin. “ _ Joel _!” Ellie screamed again, tears appearing in her eyes while her throat squeezed around her, letting a whimper escape her throat. “JOEL!” Ellie cried, and then… she saw it. Through the window, a path of footsteps left the hotel, moving in the opposite direction.  _

_ She was quiet for a moment, rejecting the sight of Joel’s footprints running away from her, leaving her. And then, it hit all at once. A wave of sobs fell over her as she collapsed onto her knees, hiding her face in her chest. “JOEL!” She screamed, hoping he would hear her cries for him and return but part of her knew it wasn’t true… and with that, she took her mother’s knife… and she ended it. Ellie ended the pain, did what she wanted to do but was too scared to since Winter… since she was raped. Ellie ended it.  _

Ellie awoke quickly, surprised to find no noise escaping her lungs. Just quick breathing, that of which Joel didn’t pick up on. He remained still, not even stirred by her small whimpers and Ellie felt a small frown appear on her face. Sadness ran through her as he continued sleeping and Ellie was reminded of her horrifying dream. It was worse than any other before… The idea of Joel leaving her was almost worse than what David had cursed her with in the winter. 

She frowned, sitting on the edge of the bed and trying desperately not to wake Joel. The air was freezing around her suddenly but she remained in her shorts and shirt, allowing goosebumps to rise on her skin. Her legs lifted her off of the bed and she sat on a ledge by the window, taking a battered note from her pocket. She looked to Joel sadly, then back down to the note. It was the only thing she had from her mother besides her knife… it was her most prized possession. Ellie turned her back away from Joel, placing her knees in her chest as she turned her head towards the glass, basking in the moonlight with an ache of depression in her. 

The cold surrounding every inch of her skin only reminded her of David and she shuddered, but not from the low temperature.  _ ‘I’m going to share a secret with you… I’m not the biggest fan of kids, or babies and yet: I’m staring at you, and I’m just awestruck. You’re not even a day old, and holding you is the most incredible thing I’ve done in my life - a life that’s about to get cut short.  _ Ellie squeezed her eyes shut, feeling a tear drip from her cheek to the page and she held it tightly in her hands, careful not to rip it.  _ Why’d you have to go?  _ Ellie let out a small sniffle, wiping her tears and once again quickly shutting her eyes.

A bloody hand-print was left on the note and Ellie fingered the palm of it, wishing that her mother would come back. She seemed like a good person from what Marlene had told her, though Marlene had been more of a mother than this woman had. Even though they weren’t actually related, Ellie loved Marlene, even if it was subdued. 

_ ‘Marlene will look after you, there’s no one in this world I trust more than her. When the time comes, she’ll tell you about me. Don’t give her too much of a hard time. Try not to be as stubborn as me.’  _ Another tear ran down Ellie’s skin as she ignored the cold around her, looking from the letter to the window, regrettably watching a deer hop outside the hotel. Suddenly, a million different memories drifted through her and she let out a small groan, reaching for her head as it began to hurt. 

She didn’t know why, but everything from the winter was coming back. Maybe because of the cold, maybe because the absence as Joel… he’d usually be right there when she was feeling like this.  _ ‘I’m not going to lie, this is a pretty messed up world. It won’t be easy. The thing you always have to remember is that life is worth living…’  _ Ellie frowned and suddenly, more tears began to fall from her face and she sniffled, trying and nearly failing to not wake Joel up.  _ Is it?  _ To be honest, if Joel hadn’t found her, she’d probably be dead by now, and not because of some clicker. Before Marlene, she had no one, then she had Riley, and now she had Joel. What scared her was that they came periodically and she just begged that Joel wouldn’t do that. She almost believed he wouldn’t leave her… but she didn't think that he’d be safe with her around. 

If the vaccine worked, so many people would be upset at  _ her  _ because of that… and Joel. If they came after him, because of her… God, she didn’t even want to breathe without him around. Joel was the hand holding her on the liferaft and she was slowly slipping as her fears of losing him only grew bigger and bigger… ‘ _ Find your purpose and fight for it!’  _ Ellie’s crying grew so that you could barely hear it as she looked back out the window, seeing that the deer had vanished. Her eyes met Joel’s sleeping figure and she wiped her tears, only to find new ones replacing them. ‘ _ I see so much strength in you. I know you’ll turn out the woman you’re meant to be… forever, your loving mother: Anna. Make me proud, Ellie…  _

Ellie folded the paper in its crease and held it close to her, trying to imagine it was her mother. Marlene had shown her photos before, photos of her and a small baby concealed in the woman’s arms… that photo must’ve been taken hours before her death, maybe days. It was clipped to the letter and she removed it, bending the metal clip in her nail. Her mother had beautiful auburn hair that fell just beyond her shoulders in wavy curls that framed her perfect skin. She had a smile as a baby wailed in her arms and Ellie saw that she shared Joel’s grin. It was a grin you only came into once or twice in your life, a dainty smile that took you in and promised everything would be okay. 

Ellie’s mother had piercing green eyes and freckles coating every visible inch of her skin. Part of Ellie always wondered who her father was, but now that Joel had walked into her life, that want for answers had been smashed under his metal boots. Joel was more than enough of a father for her and gave her more love than she could even imagine years ago… there was no need to wonder. But there was still an obligation to grieve. 

Finally, Ellie couldn’t hold it anymore. She turned her back to Joel again, sitting cross-legged and staring up at the moon, tears spilling down her cheeks as she held the photo and letter in her shaking hands, finally letting out a peep… and she instantly knew it was a mistake, because she heard a shuffling behind her. 

Still, she ignored it, her mind drawing itself back to the winter in a suicidal manner, begging the nightmares to keep going while Ellie pleaded for them to stop. Her fingers itched at her throat, still able to feel David’s fingers around them. She could still hear herself sobbing as he did those awful things to her in that fucking bathtub. She still wasn’t able to eat right, not physically, just eating while thinking of what David had done, of what he had demolished inside of her was disgusting. And then another small cry came, and another. 

The letter shook in her grip as she squeezed her eyes shut, laying her head on the wall behind her in tragedy. Her mind deafened her as she replayed that day of Joel finding her and her own, freezing hands killing David, slicing him into pieces with no mercy. No part of her regretted it… he  _ raped  _ her, molested her, starved her… he was a horrible, horrible monster who deserved every single thing that came to him. And that was only him: the pain the other hunters had made her go through and the absolutely  _ disgusting  _ things they forced her to do for food and for water still scared her, making her already freezing body even colder under the moonlight. Suddenly, someone grabbed her shoulder, making her release a scream as she was caught off guard. 

“Sh, sh, it’s okay. It’s okay, it’s just me.” Joel quickly brought her face to meet his eyes, certifying that it was him and not her worst nightmare coming for his revenge. “It’s okay, baby.” Ellie shut her eyes and sighed, hiding the letter and photo in her jacket where it had originally been. The back of her head went back against the wood as she sighed, realizing there were tears on her face. She quickly wiped them, but she knew even in the darkness Joel had seen them. 

“Fucking scared the shit out of me.” Ellie breathed, keeping her eyes shut while Joel watched her, noticing a fallen piece of paper on the floor. He picked it up, looking at it. It was a photo of a woman and a baby. She had shirley red hair that framed her and Joel smiled, seeing the resemblance. His smile diminished when he heard another subtle sniffle from Ellie and he looked up just in time to see her wiping her face again. “Hey, give it.” Ellie whispered quickly, tearing the photo from his hands quickly and holding it safely in her arms as if it were a diamond. Joel realized it was probably worth more than that to her. 

Joel sat in front of her on the windowsill seat, staring her down. He creepily realized she was in nothing more than a tanktop and shorts and he took her hand, scaring her once again. It was freezing. “Jesus, kiddo, you’re ice. C’mon, let’s get ya back in the blankets-”  
“No, I… I don’t want to go back to sleep.” Ellie rejected his attempt to pull her back to the bed and he frowned, sitting back beside her. _She had a nightmare… and I didn’t wake up._ Ellie shut her eyes again, trying to just shut out Joel for the first time in her life. She just wanted to be sad right now. 

“You okay, baby girl?” Joel asked, realizing the stupidity of the question. Ellie shrugged, taking the photo from her hand and looking down at it, mesmerized by the woman. Joel gently brushed her hand, taking the right one in his, feeling its bitter temperature. He cringed, trying to take her in his arms but she didn’t budge, just bore her eyes into the polaroid. “Do… do you wanna talk about it?” 

“She said she was proud of me.” Ellie whispered in confusion, looking up at him like she was asking him why her mother thought that. Ellie’s self esteem had toppled after David, almost like it never existed. “She was  _ proud of me _ .” She repeated again, her voice raising at the thought. Ellie looked back down at the photo, letting it drop on the sill as she hid her head in her chest and knees, letting out another cry. 

Joel’s eyes tilted up in pain as he watched Ellie cry before him, her skin covered in cold. He sat closer to her, opening his arms with a frown. Ellie quickly sent all of her force into him quickly, almost making him fall over as her cries grew, thinking of how Marlene had had to shoot her mother and pry Ellie out of her hands just before she ate the infant. Marlene said that her mother had been bitten as she went into labor and turned right after Ellie was born. It was a mistake that Ellie survived, a common theme in her life. “Oh, baby girl… reckon she was.” Joel nodded, feeling  _ his  _ pride swell in him as his purpose before him cried. 

“Why?” Joel’s heart broke as Ellie’s cries continued. She laid on him, half of her on his legs and the other half taken in his arms. Ellie found the photo, storing it in her pocket beside the letter. 

“Kiddo, we’ll be here for hours if I answer that question.” Joel felt her crying stall for a second at his response. She was crying at the loss of her mother and the sudden and confusing rehashing of what had happened to her in Winter. It seemed like her cramps had just brought back horrible memories as it still hurt down there for her. It felt like she was broken and no one could find every last lost piece of her, not even Joel. “You’re _perfect_ , God, I… I wouldn’t change _nothin’_ about you.” Joel swore, taking Ellie away from him for a moment only for her to jump back in his arms, rejecting him trying to take her away. “You really are ice, baby girl. Need to get you back into bed.”  
“I…” Ellie left her sentence hanging, remembering the nightmare and shaking her head, looking out the window in Joel’s chest once again. “I don’t wanna.” 

“I’ll be right here-”

“I don’t want to.” Ellie repeated, shaking her head violently as Joel took her from his arms, lifting her by her elbows as if she were a toddler. Ellie vibrated her head once again as met her eyes, his face serious and sad. 

“Was… was it the same one?” He asked, seeing her shake her head. She was glad it wasn’t the same one… that scene with David, she’d seen it millions of times. Even during the day, terrors plagued her as she remembered how David had assaulted her, but… Joel was there to keep her afloat, only if barely. “Do you wanna tell me ‘bout it?”

“You… you left me.” Ellie croaked out, looking down in shame almost as if she was blaming herself. Joel shook his head, his lips curling down in a frown as pain shot through him, a pit growing in his stomach until it consumed him. “I… I had to… to use my knife-” Ellie was cut off as Joel suddenly pulled her in, squeezing her firmly and making sure she felt every inch of him surrounding her. 

“Baby girl, I _promise you on my life_ , I ain’t _ever, EVER_ leavin’ you. I’ll blow the whole world to hell before anythin’ happens to you.” Joel spoke firmly, making sure she heard him. _God, she… I need to stay alive. I can’t let that happen._ Joel tried to get the thought of Ellie lying on the floor before him, her wrists slit. That thought made him want to die. “I _swear_ , I’m not leaving ever. We go everywhere together.”  
Ellie felt herself being picked up as she finally began to feel the cold on her skin, shivering. “C’mon, let’s get you warm.” Ellie nodded in Joel’s arms, feeling him place her in the bed and pull the blankets up to her neck, making her feel warm and fuzzy. “Better?” Ellie nodded, watching as Joel wiped his thumb under her eyes, clearing her tears.

“I don’t… I don’t wanna go back to sleep.” Ellie whimpered, watching Joel’s face die before her. He sighed, sitting beside her under the comforter of the old bed. Joel felt Ellie’s subtle warmth beside him in the night. It must’ve been around one or two in the morning. Ellie was still exhausted, but she knew what she’d see next. Her minds were plagued with David and her brain wouldn’t let her get rid of it. “I… I’m sorry. I can’t get this off right now.” 

“It’s okay, baby girl. We can just stay like this. You don’t need to sleep, but you gotta rest a bit.” Joel proposed, feeling Ellie instantly nod in his grip. She suddenly snuggled into his muscled arms, sensing them wrap around her instantly and provide her warmth. “It’s okay, kiddo.” 

“I… I love you, Joel.” She whispered, smiling when she heard him say it back. She relaxed in his grip, feeling her body begin to wash off its exhaustion and try to get David’s face out of her mind. 

“He ain’t  _ ever  _ going near you again, baby girl.” Joel felt her fear pounding from her body like a megaphone. “He’s dead and I’m here to protect you now.” Joel whispered against her, feeling her hug him back even tighter and let out a sniffle. 

“I… I know.” She whispered, not knowing if she was lying or not. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry if this chapter was a bit weird, i am so fucking tired right now haha. i have a four page essay due on sunday morning so i'm tanking through that and finishing off this chapter. i was excited to write this request, so i wanted to upload tonight and there'll probably be another update tomorrow because i know how painful it is to wait for another chapter to one of the fics i'm reading haha. hope you enjoyed! 
> 
> thanks so much for reading, people! requests are very welcome; put them in the comments below! comments and kudos are very, very appreciated!
> 
> who are you guys dressing up as for halloween? I'm debating as going as dina from seattle day 1-3 or ellie from winter in the first game, because i coincedentally have like perfect outfits for both. i'll be sure to show you guys my costume once i decide! hope you all have a good day!


	13. Chapter Thirteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ellie and Joel get separated, much to Ellie's consequence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> request:
> 
> I have a request for a chapter if that’s okay? With how close Joel and Ellie are and their father daughter bond really strengthening the way it is; maybe Ellie could finally call Joel dad? Like they could be out on a supply run together and get separated and she’s panics because she can’t find him and they run into some infected but Joel saves her and she says it without thinking but Joel’s happy and reassures her that it’s okay and he’s proud to be thought of as her father

The previous night had been a restless one for Ellie, but Joel didn’t mind. It was mesmerizing to listen to her breathing all night and he found that it calmed him. Ellie had started seeing his face somewhere through the night, but Joel had been able -thankfully- to calm her down and somehow get her to get back in the bed again. She looked exhausted but she didn’t complain. “Hey, Ellie.” Ellie looked back towards him, expecting something to be chasing them. Joel pointed towards a town in the distance. It didn’t look too big and they were running out of food and ammunition.

“Yeah, might be some stuff there.” Ellie nodded, taking a deep sigh and changing direction towards the town, straying off of the cracked road they’d been heading on. They were getting closer to Salt Lake, very slowly, but the progress was visible. Ellie tiredly trudged towards the town through the grassy terrain, her feet dragging behind her.

Joel sighed, catching up with her. For some reason, she seemed more scared than she had been a week ago. David was coming back to her, both in physicality and mentally. Joel had caught Ellie staring in one exact spot for nearly a minute, her breathing quickening with each second. He managed to snap her out of it, but not without tears. _I need to find something to fix this._ Joel thought, begging the universe to give him something. He didn’t know why she was feeling this way… maybe it was the oddly cold spring… maybe it was something else. But Joel would be damned if he wouldn’t fix it.

As they approached the edge of the town, Joel screamed at himself to say something but he couldn’t. His mouth was screwed shut against his will as they entered the town, scanning for something that could help them. If they kept running out of ammo and food, they’d be in a much worse situation in a couple of days. “Hey, what about that?” Ellie asked, pointing towards a tall building a few meters away. It looked like some sort of a bank with large marble steps and a stone exterior. “Might have something worth looking for.”

“Yeah, reckon it will. Let’s go see.” Joel nodded, following Ellie up the grand steps towards the entrance. “Damn…” Joel groaned, pressing against the door to feel it not even budge. Ellie’s eyes caught a small gap that she just might be able to fit through if she tried.

“Can probably squeeze in there.” Ellie pointed towards the crack in the glass window, seeing Joel shake his head. “Fine, we’ll just spend the next hour trying to get in.” Ellie sighed, seeing Joel glare at her once again. He hated not being with her, even if it was just for her to open a door or get his ass through something. But she was right… they needed the supplies. And he really didn’t like her being alone only for a second in her current state.

“You be careful.” Joel grumbled, landing on one knee and holding his hand up. Ellie nodded, pushing her foot onto his hand and letting him push her up towards the gap with strength. Ellie gripped the grip, pushing herself through slowly and falling into the other side of the wall. “You okay?” Joel asked, trying to jump to see Ellie but failed.

“Ellie?”

“Yeah, yeah. Just fell.” She grumbled, turning her flashlight on and looking towards the door. A large shelf had fallen, blocking it. She groaned, running her hands through her hair. “Fuck, you’re going to have to hurry, I’m not gonna be able to lift this for long!” Ellie warned him, beginning to wrap her hands around the shelf. It must’ve been around two hundred fifty pounds, much heavier than she was used to. “Okay, now, go!” Ellie grunted as she lifted the shelf, pressing her back against it from below it. The door temporarily opened as she lifted it barely high enough for Joel to open it. Joel widened his eyes and quickly moved in, taking the weight from Ellie and they simultaneously dropped it. “Fucking christ, that’s heavy.” Ellie breathed, shaking her limbs off.

“Yeah, good job, kiddo.” Joel smiled, brushing dust from her hair. Ellie smiled for a second, nodding and continuing in the building. Joel’s flashlight turned on and she felt it heat the back of her head as they walked through the building. It was oddly silent as they went different ways, searching for anything.

“Hey, Joel, look. It’s like the stuff you were talking about.” Ellie held up a blueprint, smiling at him. Joel had told her about how he used to be a carpenter and styled homes. Ellie seemed to find it really interesting and was constantly asking him questions about it. Joel walked over, nodding with a smirk and looking down at Ellie.

“Yeah, look like some blueprints for the building. Still able to recognize some of this.” Joel chuckled, rubbing the paper of the blueprints and remembering all the way to when Tommy and him used to fix up houses. “Y’know, Tommy and I fixed up some bank once.”

“What happened to it?” Ellie asked, looking up at him as they continued through the building. It was way too quiet for such a big building and Joel felt himself run with caution and fear.

“Some explosion.” Ellie’s eyes picked up with curiosity but he shook his head, smiling a bit. “Nothin’ exciting, just some gas leak.”

“Did anyone die?” Joel shook his head and Ellie groaned, rolling her eyes. “Have you ever fixed something up where people died?” Ellie asked, clearly bored and wanting to keep her mind out of its own grip.

“There was this one house… right before the outbreak. People supposed it was haunted.” Ellie suddenly broke out in laughter, surprised by the ridiculous fact. “Nah, it’s true, it’s true. Tommy wouldn’t go in alone ‘cus he was too damn scared.” Joel smiled fondly at the memory, remembering Sarah make him burn candles each night after work, afraid he was possessed.

“That’s the stupidest shit I’ve ever heard of.” Ellie smiled warmly, continuing through the building and picking up the occasional shell or bullet. They still didn’t have much food though. Ellie walked back towards the blueprints, shining her light on it. “Hey, this place is pretty big.” Ellie realized. There were three floors, the third one having some sort of office. “Gotta have something here.”

“Looks like the quickest way up to that office is that elevator.” Ellie placed her finger on a small elevator in the blueprints, looking up to Joel. He nodded, giving a sigh. In the darkness, his amber eyes glowed in the flashlight and he rolled up the blueprint, storing it in his bag. _Might be useful if we get lost._

“Yeah, reckon that’d be it.” Joel nodded, making his way towards the elevator cautiously. It was still too quiet and Joel looked towards Ellie, frowning when he noticed her thoughts had taken her over again as she walked on auto-pilot. God… _if only I’d woken up just a little sooner… I could’ve stopped that bastard. He’s lucky she killed ‘im, I woulda done so much worse._ Joel dreamed of killing David, letting his blood spill onto the floor with a relief in him. Even though he was dead, he still lived in Ellie. In her nightmares, in her immense fear of the man.

Sarah had only ever experienced a cold, maybe a boy turning her down. She hadn’t ever been raped. Joel didn’t know how to make Ellie’s pain just stop, and God, did he want to. If he could he would take all of her suffering and trauma and place it on his shoulders with no hesitation… but he couldn’t. And everyday, she had to wake up and remember how he had failed her. One time, one of the girls had called Sarah a name at school. She came home crying… Joel smiled when she told him that she had punched the girl. She was always so damn tough… reckon she’d like Ellie.

“Here it is.” Ellie whispered, waving Joel over. The door was cracked open a little bit less than a foot. “Looks like there’s a ladder.” Ellie thought aloud, seeing a large metal ladder leading up to another gap in the shaft. It didn’t look too stable and Joel sighed, sitting down in the gap and slowly stepping down onto the metal. It groaned beneath him and his breath hitched. “Be careful.” Ellie whispered, watching him slowly make his way to the ladder.

Eventually, Joel put his first foot on the ladder and slowly climbed up, step by step. Joel’s safety was certified. “Okay, come on, baby. Be careful.” Joel ordered softly, watching Ellie nod and replicate his movements, slowly dropping onto the elevator.

It made a louder moan this time and Ellie stopped, her breathing stopping for a second. It let out another groan, but gave no further complaints. “Okay, it’s okay. C’mere.” Joel spoke gently, looking up from the third floor. His hand reached towards her as she slowly made her way to the ladder. Her foot rose to the first step, and she instantly knew it was a mistake.

Ellie looked down as a horrible screech came from the metal and her eyebrows rose in fear when she felt the metal shake beneath her. “J-Joel?” Ellie asked, her hands gripping on the ladder. Joel paused, his breath stopping.

“Here, Ellie climb up, climb up before-” Joel was cut off as another deafening screech interrupted the silence in the air. Ellie felt the ground beneath her rumble and shake, quickly giving way. As quick as she could, Ellie jumped, reaching out for Joel’s hand, desperate to get to safety… but she wasn’t quick enough. The ground beneath her was no longer there and she began to fall, her skin illuminated in Joel’s flashlight.

As she fell down two stories, Ellie stared at Joel’s light, no longer able to see his face while she descended further and further. A horrible scream escaped her lips and then suddenly, she hit the ground with a horrible thud, momentarily losing the ability to see. She felt a metal cut her arm, making her let out another horrible cry for help. “ _ELLIE_!” Joel roared, fearing the worst. He could barely make out her face and hair, but the rest of her body was chillingly still.

Ellie hadn’t yet regained consciousness, which only -in Joel’s mind- confirmed that she was dead “ _KIDDO_?!” He hollered, tears dripping down the blood-chilling drop. “Ellie, please, please answer me, baby girl.” He begged, part of him wanting to jump down after her. From where he was, he could see her body, her hair covering her still face. “Baby, please, answer. Please say something…” He whispered, not sure if he was even talking to her anymore or if he was just pleading with the universe not to do this again. His grip tightened around the floor and he felt another tear run down his face, laying in his beard. “Ellie!”

And then, he heard it: a small moan of pain. Ellie’s consciousness slowly came back to her and she barely moved her fingertips. Her nerves were on fire with pain and although she was happy she was alive, her spine and legs hurt like they had been bashed in with hammers in the same spot a thousand times for each inch of her body. “Baby?!” Joel screamed, not even caring if the building wasn’t clear, all he could see was Ellie’s still unmoving body.

“J-Joel?” Ellie said, barely above a whisper. As she moved her hand, an ocean of pain swarmed over her. Though, the movement signaled to Joel she was at the very least, still breathing.

“Oh, thank God.” Joel breathed for the first time, wiping his eyes and taking a second to close his eyes and thank whatever let Ellie survive. “Ellie, are you alright?!” Joel sounded back down, his voice bouncing off the walls of the chasm and making its way to Ellie. Ellie began to brush her hair from her face, her eyes shutting at the bright light. “Kiddo?” He asked, wishing he could be down there with her.

“I… fuck.” Ellie softly whispered, knowing Joel couldn’t hear her. “I-I’m alive!” She yelled back, not able to say she was alright when even blinking hurt her. Ellie wasn’t able to get up, her pain was too great and her new level of exhaustion was taking over her, barely allowing her to move. Still, she did anyway, against her body’s will.

“Oh God…” Joel muttered, wiping his eyes once again and watching her slowly pick her head up, squeezing her eyes barely open because of his light and the aching in her. “Fuck, can you see anyway to get back up?”

“Hold on…” Ellie weakly replied, trying to muster the strength to stand. The first time she tried she fell back down to the ground, letting a whimper out of her lips. Joel cringed, his hunger to jump down and comfort her growing. “Ow…” Ellie cried, pushing herself up back again slowly and dragging her feet, barely able to walk.

Her left leg wasn’t working and she had to use a piece of wood to stand. “Joel, I… I think my leg’s broken.” Ellie sobbed, looking up at his light.

Joel felt a million different memories hit him at once, but Ellie’s subdued crying pulled him back out. “It’s okay, it’s okay, kiddo.” Joel tried to comfort her but she could barely hear him and it wouldn’t be a quick effort getting down to her only to carry her back up and fix her leg. Ellie’s cries continued as she pulled up her leggings, seeing that her knee cap was popped and the bone below it was bending the wrong way. She wanted to puke at the sight and she looked up to Joel in horror.

“Joel, I-I’m scared!” She whimpered, her heart racing. Joel’s heart fell into his stomach as he heard those three little words. Joel felt another tear fall into the chasm, landing beside Ellie. He screamed at himself in his head, blaming himself for not letting her go first. _Selfish prick._

“I-I know, baby girl. I know. Listen, I’m gon’ find a way down to you, okay? Give me a second here.” Ellie nodded, whining and sitting back down, waiting for Joel to come up with something. Every inch of her body ache and bleed began to stain her sleeve where it had cut on the metal that laid beside her where she landed. It must’ve been at least a thirty foot drop. Joel pulled the blueprints of the bank from his bag, instantly swearing under his breath. The elevator’s the only way down to her. Joel realized in absolute terror, looking back down to Ellie not so calmly awaiting his answer… waiting for him to tell her it would be okay and that he had a solution. But, he didn’t. _She’s gon’ need to get up to me._

There was a rope-pulley elevator, but it was only from the first floor to the third, not the opposite. She’d have to make her way to it, having nothing more than her knife in a pistol. _Fuck, why didn’t I give her another gun, fuck. If she runs into a bloater, she… she has no chance. I could try and jump down, but… it does no use to her if I’m dead._ “Joel?” Ellie called up, her voice broken and terrified. Joel shook his head, his head knowing the words he had to tell her but he barely could. “Joel, please say something.”

“Baby, there… there’s an elevator a little ways away down there. There’s no stairs for me to get to you, you… you need to find that pulley elevator.” It took a couple of seconds for Ellie to realize he wasn’t joking. She let out a horrible sob, shaking Joel like he was made of sticks. Ellie looked down at her leg then up to Joel’s light again, feeling sick.

“N-no, Joel, please, please don’t make me leave. I can’t walk, I’ll die.” Ellie cried, seeing his light shake as the words left her mouth. “Please.” Joel scrunched his features together, shaking his head in his own guilt for not being able to help her or take away any of her pain.

“I know, baby girl, I know, but it’s the only way. Trust me, I wish there were another way, but there ain’t.” Ellie let out another whine, her breathing shaky and muffled as she clasped her hand to her mouth, using her other to hide it in her hair, applying force to her own head in fear. “Ellie, listen to me, you’re gon’ be okay. I think I can get down to the second floor, but you gotta get to that pulley elevator.”

Ellie shook her head, looking down at her knee and cried, looking back up towards Joel’s light. “I can’t walk, Joel!” She hissed back in fear, temporarily getting up once and holding to the metal next to her. “Joel, I… I don’t know if I can do this.” Joel cringed, trying to get as close to her as he could.

“Listen to me, okay, baby? Listen to me.” Ellie nodded frantically, standing and looking at him on her one good leg. Even though it wasn’t broken, too, her other leg could not support the hundred pounds that she carried. So, she took a branch from the ground, shredded the twigs from it and placed it under her arm, using it as a temporary crutch. _I can do this, I can do this, I can do this, I can do this, I can do this… I can do this._

“W-where’s the elevator?” She finally asked, wiping the tears from her face only for it to be replaced by new ones. Her leg hurt like hell and her back felt as if someone had snapped it in two like a twig. Joel felt his throat close around him as he looked down at the map, his hands shaking.

“You should see a door, kiddo.” Ellie looked around her, searching for her bag. It had fallen off of her when the elevator had fallen and all she had was the gun in her jeans and the knife in her hand.

“Joel, I-I can’t find my bag!” She frantically searched again, finding nothing in the darkness. Ellie checked the chamber of her gun, pressing the chamber and seeing two bullets gleam inside. She had next to nothing to defend herself. If something big came along, she… she stood no chance. “I can’t find my bag, all I have is two shots.”

“It’s okay, it’s alright, baby girl. Just make ‘em count, okay?” He gently spoke, still making sure that she heard him. She let out a frantic nod, another cry escaping her lips. She was tired, she was scared, she was beyond hurt. She couldn’t walk, she just wanted Joel to hug her and tell her he loved her again. “Do you see a door?”

“Um, y-yeah.” Ellie responded shakily, taking in the sight of a rusty metal door ahead of her. A seemingly large scorpion crawled across the top of it, sending a shiver down her spine. _What the fuck, why? This is a fucking nightmare._ Ellie thought in horror, remembering to listen to Joel.

“Okay, it ain’t far, just two rights and you’re there, alright, baby girl?” Joel saw her barely nod with his light, looking up at him finally and seeing the top of his head, but not able to actually take in his features. “You got this, kiddo. I can pull you up once you’re in.” Ellie nodded, letting out a final sob as she prepared to say goodbye to Joel, knowing her chances weren’t high if there were any Infected around. “You got this… I love you, kiddo.”

“I love you, too…”

“Be careful, please, God. Please, be careful, baby girl.” Joel begged her, watching her hope come crashing down. Joel was supposed to make her feel better about her chances, make her feel safe… but with that statement her worry only grew. She nodded, wrapping her hand around the door.

“I… I will.” Ellie cried, limping through the door with her knife in her palm. And with that, both of them were separated and alone.

As Ellie made her way down the hall, she chanted the directions in her head, trying to keep her mind from the dull pain in her leg. The shock and adrenaline temporarily muted it just a little, but it still felt worse than anything she’d ever felt… almost worse than what David had done to her. She let out a small sob with her hand clasped over her mouth, trying not to make any noise. _I can do this, I can do this. I need to get back… for Joel._

With that thought, she tried to move faster, seeing the first right approaching. Halfway. She thought as she turned to the right, instantly regretting it. A bloater was before her, sharing its territory with two clickers. Ellie felt the small amount of hope she had left quickly run from her, terrified. She didn’t have that option.

The elevator laid vaguely to the right, barely in sight. Ellie was so close to surviving. After David, after those hunters, after everything, she wasn’t going to let a fucking bloater take her out. Ellie scowled, crouching on her one good knee and scooting forward slowly and silently, not even permitting herself to breathe.

As she approached the first clicker, she slowly made her way to its neck and with that: the first clicker soundlessly was taken out and fell to the floor. A small amount of optimism began to enter Ellie, but she cut it off, not letting herself feel anything while she moved forward, focusing on nothing but the pain in her leg and the need to stay quiet.

Ellie barely had the energy to move, much less kill again. So, she passed the second clicker and realized with a horror that the bloater was right in front of the pulley elevator. It was a small space, maybe three of four feet big. She’d have to rely on Joel to pull her up, as she had no strength left. Though, she knew he was crouched by the second floor, waiting impatiently for her figure to be in his arms again. _I just need to start pulling myself up and he’ll do the rest._

She slowly began to move past the bloater, not breathing for a second. Her right hand was clasped over her mouth, trying to stay as silent as she could. Tears rolled off of her cheeks but she told her body ‘ _no_ ,’ refusing to die here. And then, finally… she was there. Ellie climbed into the elevator, mere feet from the bloater.

Her hands clasped around the rope and she began pulling, letting tears escape her. Suddenly, Ellie felt the elevator go by Joel’s grip from the second floor and she breathed… she let her arms fall to her side, and… her makeshift crutch fell from the elevator to the floor beneath it with a loud thud. Ellie’s heart stopped as she looked down, instantly hearing the roar of the clicker and bloater, watching them rush towards the elevator.

Ellie felt the elevator sink as the bloater began pulling down on the rope, making a scream finally escape the girl’s mouth. A tug of war began between Joel’s grip and the bloater, one the bloater was slowly winning. Ellie could see a gap to the second floor that she could barely fit a hand in. Joel just needed a few more inches for Ellie to be safe. She heard Joel yell in anger and put nearly all of his weight on the rope, lifting Ellie just enough for her to squeeze through the gap. She couldn’t see his head but could see below his neck and she made her way towards the gap, fitting her first half in. “Ellie, get out, baby, c’mon.” Joel grunted, trying to keep the rope steady.

Ellie slowly pushed herself out, climbing agonizingly slow because of her broken leg. Finally, she was out, allowing Joel to drop the rope, burns slashing across his palms. “Ellie, oh my God, Ellie.” It was quiet and Joel instantly dropped his bag, moving towards Ellie like a maimed animal.

She was frozen in shock, pain and exhaustion as Joel made his way towards her, cupping her face with his bloody hands. “Ellie, baby girl, it’s okay. It’s okay, you’re safe now.” Ellie nodded shakily, and then, she finally broke into a wave of gasped sobs, feeling Joel take her in his chest and hold her firmly without hurting her.

Ellie let all of her pain come out in tears that ran down her cheeks, falling onto the floor. Everything hurt, both inside and outside. “I know, kiddo, it’s alright. I’m right here. I’m right here, you’re safe. You’re okay.”

Ellie’s bawls were muffled by his shirt but they were still loud enough for Joel to cringe from, wondering if he could’ve prevented this. “Joel… …” Ellie let the word slip out, making him quickly grow silent. She was so tired and hurt and she needed him right now. Joel hugged her tighter, hiding his head in the nape of her neck. Ellie cried convulsively, not giving it up. “Joel…”

“Oh, my baby girl…” Joel whispered, pushing his hands in her affectionately and brushing it with his palm. “It’s okay, I’m right here.” _I don’t deserve you, not at all._ Pride swelled through him as he took Ellie from his arms, holding her in front of him. Ellie’s eyebrows knitted together in pain and she held her leg and arm, not knowing which wound to mute.

“M-my leg, it… it’s broken.” Ellie lamented, watching Joel turn his light on and move her leggings up, cringing at what he saw. Ellie let her back fall onto the disgusting carpet, her exhaustion growing and growing. “Ow…” Ellie weeped, watching Joel dig through his bag for medicine, coming up with a moderate amount of medicine from when he had been sick. _Poor baby._ He cringed, hearing another squeal of pain escape her.

“I know, I know. I can fix this.” Joel ordered himself to make her feel better. _Thank God, the bones are still in place_. Joel placed his hand on her knee, feeling cracks where the bone was supposed to be solid, still, they were all in their place. _Need to cast this_. “Okay, it’s okay. This is fixable, baby girl.” Ellie nodded,feeling Joel wrap her leg in bandages. _These’ll need to do. Maybe this ‘nd a strap to release the tendons._ “I’m right here, it’s okay.” Ellie whimpered again as Joel finished just above the thigh where a large cut lived.

Joel pressed a cloth to it, temporarily slowing the bleeding. He wrapped duck-tape around the cloth, pausing the blood dripping down Ellie’s leg. “My… my arm. I… when I fell…” Ellie spoke in fragments, listening to Joel softly shush her. He rolled up her sleeve, seeing a mess of blood on her right bicep. Ellie groaned when he cleared the blood with a rag. He, once again, pushed a cloth tightly to the wound and bandaged it, pausing the bleeding.

His light shone onto her, illuminating her battered body. “Ellie?”

“Y-yeah, I… I’m here.” Ellie whispered weakly, not even able to move an inch. Joel sighed, feeling his own tears live in his eyes. He shook them, knowing Ellie needed him to be strong right now.

“I’m gon’ pick you up, okay? Might hurt a bit.” As Joel wrapped his arms under her knee, she howled in pain, digging her nails into his shoulder. “I know, I know. We just need to find somewhere for you to rest, okay?” Ellie didn’t respond, taken over by both her leg and the ocean of scratches on her body.

He’s here now… I’m safe. Joel ran towards the exit, keeping Ellie still in his arms. His bag was slung around his shoulders and she clasped her hands around the handles, tightening her grip whenever the pain grew. Joel scrunched his features together, trying to deafen her cries. It felt like his ears were bleeding as they made it out of the dreaded building, a breath of fresh air going through them. It smelled heavenly and clear of blood, something that was rare after the nightmare they’d just experienced. “No… no more banks?” Joel almost smiled, nodding vigorously.

“I promise.” Joel swore, looking around him desperately for anything that they could sleep in. _Thank you, thank you._ Joel’s eyes settled on a single house a few meters away. He ran towards it, quickly breaking the door open and searching for anywhere to lay down. Her crying had quieted but long grieving gasps for air still escaped her.

Now that the adrenaline had left her, her body was left in a muddied state of nothing but screeching torment and agony. “Here we go.” Joel whispered, climbing the stairs to a dirty master bedroom. There was a queen bed, one that Joel quickly laid Ellie down on. He left the room for a second to clear the house, knowing Ellie couldn’t take any more stress.

After he had been gone for more than a minute, Ellie picked her head up slowly. “J-Joel?” She peeped, calling out his name softly. She heard him quickly making his way up the steps, coming to her side instantly. “Ow…” Ellie whispered once again, shutting her eyes momentarily.

“I’m right here, baby girl.” Joel let her take his hand as he took three separate pills from his hand, placing them on the dresser beside Ellie. He took out his canteen, propping Ellie’s head up. She shook her head in pain at the movement, making Joel’s heart break into a million different pieces. “I know, but these’ll make you feel better, kiddo.” Ellie opened her mouth, letting Joel pour a small bit of water in and let her swallow the pills quickly with a wince. “It’s okay, you just rest now for me… took a hell of a fall.” Joel whispered, brushing hair out of her exhausted features.

“D…” Ellie let her sentence linger before finding the strength to continue. “Dad…” Ellie whispered, cracking her eyes open and searching for Joel, finding his face stare back at her in tragedy. He nodded, tears appearing in his eyes at the word. The word meant so much to both of them. Joel wanted to cry hearing it, not only because of Sarah but because he was afraid. He was horrified at the possibility of losing another daughter, still… pride swelled in his heart as he thought of himself as Ellie’s father. That title was something he didn’t deserve, he knew that, but he wore it with a magical grin.

Ellie was terrified of being left behind again… of being hurt. So many people had died surrounding her, had died because of her. She couldn’t have Joel be the same, he swore on his life that he wouldn’t leave her. And she believed him. For the first time ever, her fear of being left was subdued, though she knew that it would return at night.

“Yeah… I”m right here, baby girl.” He promised, pulling a chair next to the bed and getting comfortable, knowing he wouldn’t be moving until she was feeling better. Ellie whimpered again, taking Joel’s hand and squeezing it as hard as she could. Pain bled through her and she mustered the strength for a few words.

“Can… Can you lay with me?” Joel nodded, slowly moving from the chair to the empty spot on the beside her. She tried to move but because of her leg, she couldn’t turn over.

“It’s okay, try not to move.” Joel whispered, taking her in his arms, moving her as little as possible. She let out a small change in her breath. It quickened in pain and she sucked air in through her teeth. “I know… pain meds should kick in in a bit, baby girl. You’ll have ta stay off that leg for a bit.”

Ellie swore under her breath, knowing this would just delay their arrival to Salt Lake. She was so tired and she felt sleep slowly claiming her. “Okay…” Ellie whispered, not wanting to think about how many more people were getting Infected while she was stuck in bed due to her own stupidity. “I was so scared.” Ellie suddenly uttered, catching Joel off guard. He looked down to her, seeing that horrible moment she fell replay in her eyes.

“I know, but I ain’t gonna let anything happen to you, Ellie. I swear on my life…” Joel felt her hide in his chest, moving her head just slightly to tuck under his neck. His beard scratched the tip of her head, almost letting a smile creep on her lips. _Thing’s got a mind of its ow_ n. Ellie thought, but her smile died when another subdued push of pain ran through her leg.

“We stick together… no matter what?” Ellie asked, her voice raising in fear as she awaited his answer, worried if he’d be truthful or not. Joel nodded fiercely, looking down into her eyes and not allowing her to break the connection.

“No matter what, we stick together. We’re a team now.” Joel whispered. Ellie smiled subtly, falling asleep with that thought almost making the overwhelming pain in her tiny body quelm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi! i'm sorry if i didn't do this chapter right, it was really wrong and i'm like high on caffine writing this haha. but, i also kinda like how it came out, idk :D. this chapter got my kinda emotional writing, since i myself am a victim of domestic abuse, but it also made it more interesting to write. thank you so much for the request! if you have a request for a chapter, put it in the comments! Kudos/comments are very appreciated and there will be an update in 1-2 days! hope you have an amazing day!


	14. Chapter Fourteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Joel tries to keep Ellie's thoughts from terrorizing her as she recovers, bedridden with her fractured knee.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> request: 
> 
> Could I please request Joel and Ellie going into a bookstore looking for supplies and Joel finds another joke/pun book and takes it without Ellie seeing then starts telling her jokes to try and make her smile and laugh thank you I love your writing

It had been a couple of days. Ellie, despite her protesting, was still stuck in bed. Joel found a few comics for her, but nothing was able to distract her from both boredom, and the pain that still lived in her. She felt so  _ useless.  _ Joel had to go out every once and a while to find either supplies, medicine, or something just to take Ellie’s mind off of her thoughts. 

It was currently the morning, another day gone by with Ellie in pain and bedridden. It had gotten better undeniably, though. She could make out clear sentences and move, but moving still hurt. Joel had returned from another scavenged with a surprise. “Joel?” Ellie called, hearing the door open, propping herself up slowly. 

Joel had found an actual cast for her leg and now, her knee and upper thigh was coated in a thin cast, waiting for the bones to heal. “Yeah, it’s me!” Joel called up, hearing her sigh in relief as he locked the door behind him, letting his bag gently fall to the ground. He held his surprise in his hands, a small grin on his face. “Found somethin’ for you.” 

As Joel walked into the room, he held something behind his back, peaking Ellie’s curiosity. She tried to peek but he shook his head, kneeling next to her. “What is that?”

“So, I know how you don’t like me leavin’ without you. So…” Joel revealed two proper metal crutches with a grin. She smiled, looking up at him and taking them in her hands. “Maybe you can start practicing with this, make some short trips across the street once you got it down.” Ellie nodded happily, placing the crutches under her arms and looking up to Joel again with a grin. 

“Can I try it?” Joel nodded, taking her left hand and helping her to the ground carefully. She balanced on his grip for a second but finally let go, relying on the crutches’ balance. 

“Careful now, kiddo.” Joel whispered, backing up so she had space to limp around with the contraption. She slowly began moving towards him, her right leg dragging but almost working with the crutches. She couldn’t bend it, but she was able to swing it off the ground to move with the crutches balance. “There ya go.” 

Ellie finally made it to him and before he knew it, she laid the crutches on the dresser and relied on him, hugging him tightly. “Thank you.” Ellie smiled, so grateful she’d finally be able to get out of the house but mostly, out of the goddamn bed. Ellie hated not being there to watch over Joel when he was out, even if she couldn’t do much. It was a horrible feeling to know she couldn’t do anything with her broken leg. 

“Nah, ‘t’s no problem.” Joel slowly got her back to the bed, laying the crutches beside her. “So, we ain’t too far from Salt Lake. Reckon a couple more weeks, maybe a month or two and we should be there.” Ellie smiled, thankful to hear  _ some  _ good news. 

“Can we go outside?” Ellie asked, desperately wanting to breath in fresh air and feel the concrete of the roads again. She just wanted to do something besides sit, sleep and read the same comic books over and over again, hoping the pages would change. 

Joel shifted, itching his beard uncomfortably. “I dunno, kiddo… you just started with those…” Ellie shamelessly pulled her saddest face, staring at Joel with large eyes and a pouted lip. “Now, that’s cheatin’. That’s what that is.”

“Pleaseeeeee?” Ellie begged, nearly screaming in joy when Joel let out a sigh and nodded his head, a frown on his lips. “Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you!” Ellie laughed, hugging him once more. He chuckled and rustled her hair, but she didn’t even care this time. 

“Yeah, reckon ya need to get out eventually. Only short trips though, we ain’t going no farther than that bookstore across the street.” Ellie didn’t find herself groaning or caring, she was just so happy she could get out of the house. “I gotta carry you down them steps, though.” Ellie nodded, taking the crutches back under her arms excitedly. Joel slowed her down, a shake of his head. “Careful, baby.” 

“I know, I know.” Ellie groaned, placing the crutches under her armpits and standing with Joel’s help, smiling when she was able to start walking. “It’s working.” Ellie giggled. Joel felt the lasting tension in his body release as she slowly walked out of the room, an easier living rolling over both of them. 

“Okay, let me carry ya now.” Joel took the crutches from her, disabling her high for just a moment. He swooped his arms under her legs, his arms supporting her neck. She took the crutches from him as he carried her down the steps. They creaked beneath their combined weight and soon enough they were at the bottom again. 

Ellie excitedly took the crutches back from Joel, landing back on her own feet. Joel smiled, but in the back of his mind, worry still lived in him. He’d cleared the town to make sure when she was out, they didn’t run into anything, but still… it was the father in him to worry about every little thing. He did it with Sarah, and now he was doing it with her. “Careful, Ellie.”

“Stop worrying, old man. You might get a little less gray.” Ellie smiled, seeing Joel roll his eyes. He slung his backpack over his shoulders and took a new bag he had found for Ellie, swinging it over his shoulders. It had a few things in it, the medicines she had to take each day, her mother’s letter and photo, her weapons. Joel had found another charm for her, a little comic book figure. She really loved it, even if Joel had no idea who it was. 

“Mhm.” Joel rolled his eyes, opening the door for her as she limped out. She’d been sleeping decently, but with her mind trapped in her still body all day, all she had to do was think of memories and nightmares she’d had. Her brain was pretty fried, but it seemed that going outside had broken the cycle. “That’s it.” Joel pointed to a comic store across the street, seeing Ellie’s face lighten. 

“Wow, lucky for once, huh?” She asked, slowly moving across the street with Joel close to her, ready to catch her if she lost her balance. 

“So, does the leg feel better?” Joel asked, looking at the back of it. Earlier it had been swollen and red but it was clearer now, letting her barely bend it with the cast. The bone was slowly recovering and when Joel felt her knee, he saw that the cracks in it he had felt a week ago were shallower and that he could feel the bottom of them. 

“I guess… I can kinda move it now. My back still hurts, though.” Ellie muttered, feeling the bruises that littered it after her fall. Joel did what he could for them, but the only real answer was just to give her more pain meds and wait it out. “It’s better, though.” She finalized, seeing Joel’s head pick up a little at that.

He now knew how she felt during the winter and he hated that she had to feel the things he was feeling for the three  _ months  _ he was out. Guilt still lived in him because of that fact. Ellie’s foot splashed down in a puddle of water as she landed it on the ground, quickly growing tired from the crutches. Her face picked up for a second and she looked up to Joel. “Hey, Joel, can you teach me how to swim for my birthday?”

“‘T’s comin’ up?” Joel asked, taking in the sight of Ellie’s head bob up quickly. “When?” He asked casually as they continued, finally crossing the street. Joel opened the door for her once again, turning on his flashlight and switching Ellie’s on for her as well. 

“I dunno… spring, I think. I never celebrated it, so, I kinda… y’know, just forgot.” Ellie shrugged, not thinking much of it and walking through the comic book. Joel sighed, shaking his head and shutting his eyes in pain. To think of her never even having someone loving enough of her to wish her a happy birthday… it killed him. He just wanted to hug her and fix all of that, but it had already happened to her. The only thing he could do about it now was make up for lost time. “I dunno, it might’ve already passed.” She corrected herself, completely forgetting the conversation when she walked into the comic shop. 

“Holy shit, look at all of these, Joel.” Ellie smiled largely, placing one of her crutches and using the left one so she had a free hand to take things. 

“Careful.”

“Yeah, yeah. Look, they have Savage Starlight.” Ellie grinned, picking up a dusty issue and blowing over it, knocking the dust off. She gave it to Joel, who placed it in her backpack with a chuckle. He hadn’t seen her  _ this  _ happy since… well, he couldn’t remember. Now that Joel thought of it, he’d never really seen Ellie be so excited about something besides the vaccine, of course. Ellie reached up for another book, excitedly flipping through it, not really reading it but blushing and smiling at the familiar characters and drawings.

Comics are what had piqued her interest in drawing. The art styles and colors intrigued her and she always wanted to know how to do that. Before… before everything, Ellie had made a comic book for Riley. It was lost in her old backpack from Winter, something Ellie mourned. “Guess people were really into this, huh, kiddo?”

Ellie scoffed, holding a book up to him with a smile. “‘Kinda?’ Joel, I still don’t get why you won’t read any of these.” Ellie shook her head, handing Joel another pile of comics and figurines to store in her bag. Joel sighed, a grin worn behind his beard. 

“And where do ya think we’ll be puttin’ all of this stuff, baby girl?” Joel asked her. She happily whistled as she limped through the store, picking up every single thing and staring at it like it was a puppy. 

“Well, I figured… once we’re done with all of this, we’ll go back to Jackson, right?” Joel nodded, placing Ellie’s bag down as it was starting to get heavy. It was slowly transitioning into noon and the air became warmer around them. It was a small shop, one floor; two rooms. Still, the small structure was enough to make Ellie smile like she never had before… and that was enough to make Joel happy for life. 

“Yeah, reckon that’s the plan if that’s what you wanna do.” Joel nodded, thinking of actually being able to return to Tommy… they’d be able to be  _ brothers  _ again. It’d almost be able to return to how it’d been twenty years ago… Tommy could be like an uncle to Ellie, just in case Joel ever… no, Joel had to stick around. For Ellie’s sake.  _ You ain’t getting rid of me, kiddo.  _

“So, I’m going to have a cool-ass room… just a room with posters and shit in it.” Ellie beamed, beginning to rip down a poster from the wall with a dangerous care, not letting it even rip. 

“Here, I got it.” Joel gibed, seeing she was too short to reach it. He reached up, carefully taking the poster down and rolling it up into Ellie’s bag. She thanked him, continuing to limp through the store with the single crutch under her arms. “Careful!” Joel called as she moved into the other room, it looked like a storage of some kind. 

Joel stayed in the first room, a certain book piquing his interest. He picked it up, rubbing dust from the cover to make it readable.  _ No Pun Intended; Volume Three… Will Livingston. It’s a goddamn joke book.  _ Joel felt a devilish smile creep across his lips and he took the book, hiding it in his bag and looking towards the room Ellie was in with a smirk.  _ Gonna make sure you getta birthday present this time.  _

“Hey, Joel! C’mere!” Ellie called, making Joel immediately rush to her, thinking she fell or was in trouble. His fear dissipated when he saw her standing over a large pile of cards of some sort. “Look, it’s like, twenty Starlight cards!” Ellie gleamed, holding up three cards in her hand. “Tormentra… sick.” She smiled, slipping the three cards into her pocket. 

“Aren’t ya gonna take all of ‘em?”

“Nah. It’s not collecting if you find, like, twenty in one spot. That’s cheating.” Ellie shrugged, inspecting the other items in the room. There was a desk with an ancient looking computer on it, one that gave Joel nostalgia. 

“I used to have one of these… yeah, Tommy an’ me’d play games on these all day when we were yer age. It was real popular.” Ellie looked at the computer, wiping the screen and staring into, not surprised to find nothing but darkness. “Had some good times with these.”

“What kinda games did you play?” Ellie asked, searching through the things on the desk and finding yet another figurine. It had light blue hair and a white outfit with a gun latched onto the figurine’s hope. Ellie realized with a massive smile that it was no one else but  _ Dr. Daniela Star _ . She pocketed the small figurine right away, her excitement reaching its peak. “Like, bloody ones?”

“Nah, took a while for those ta come out. There was this monkey one.” Ellie let out a laugh, shaking her head and slowly limping towards Joel, sitting on the chair below him in front of the computer. 

“You lived in a weird fucking time, Joel.” Ellie smiled, trying to imagine playing a game about ‘some monkey’ and laughed again. She thought back to Triple Phoenix in that mall with Riley and frowned for a second, letting her excitement die for just a moment. Eventually, Joel nudged her, inspecting her eyes carefully. 

“You okay, kiddo?” She snapped out of it rather quickly, rathering not to remember the rest of the night. Ellie slowly nodded, looking back down at the figurine in her hands. She fingered it, remembering how Riley had shared her obsession of the silly comics. 

“Yeah… let’s get outta here.” Ellie nodded, knowing one: she’d picked the store clean and two, this place reminded her too much of Riley. 

“Okay…” Joel responded gently, seeing she didn’t want to talk about it. So, he left it alone, unsure if consequences would answer or not. “Lemme get your other crutch for you.” Ellie nodded, quickly seeing Joel return and slip the piece of metal under her arm, steadying her balance. “There ya go.”  
“Okay. Maybe we can come back for more of these posters later.” Ellie smiled a little bit, trying to ease Joel’s worry a little bit. It worked ever so slightly. 

“We’ll probably find some more before we get back to Jackson.” Joel replied, helping her move out of the store and back towards the ivory green house they were camping in. “Once we get back to Jackson, reckon you’d like it if I taught you some guitar?” Ellie nodded, smiling and remembering how Joel had swore to her he’d play for her before they were at Salt Lake. She’d heard him sing, but she wanted her own solo performance of his. 

“Yeah… yeah, that sounds cool.”

“Y’know, Tommy and I used to make guitars. If they got some wood back at Jackson, some sand paper… could probably make you your own.” Ellie grinned, nodding vigorously. She was cheered up almost instantly as she imagined her own guitar, already dreaming of what she could sketch on it.  _ I’m going to have a fucking badass guitar.  _ She thought, smiling with a toothy grin. 

“Fuck yeah.” Ellie laughed, watching as Joel opened the door of the house for her, letting her hobble inside and slowly put her crutches down, letting Joel scoop her up and carry her up the steps. “My guitar’s going to look so fucking cool.” Joel chuckled, kissing the top of her head as he laid her back down in the bed. He put her bag beside her, letting her go through all of the things she’d collected in the store. 

“Hey, I… I got somethin’ for you.” Joel whispered, taking his own bag out and hiding the book with his arm. 

“Another surprise? Expect me to get used to this five star treatment.” Ellie joked, curiously trying to peek but only receiving a playful glare from Joel. “Seriously, you’re killing me here, old man.” 

Joel slowly pulled out the joke book, seeing Ellie’s face enlighten with delight and ecstasy when she saw it. Ellie let out a high squeal, taking the book from Joel’s hands and embracing it before quickly hugging him with a large grin on her face. “Happy birthday, baby girl.” Joel smiled when she looked up at him with a smile. “Ya like it? Reckon I was getting a bit tired of hearin’ the same jokes over and over again.” 

“‘Like it?!” This is great, Joel, thank you!” Ellie laughed, squeezing him hard before letting him go, flipping through the pages obsessively, searching for a good first Joel. “What did the mermaid wear to her math class?”

Joel awaited the joke, preparing himself for something horrible. “An algebra.” Joel let out a chuckle, shaking his head and putting his head to his temples, giving Ellie a stair. 

“In a little bit, I think I’ll regret givin’ you that, baby girl.” Joel smirked, noticing that dusk had begun to fall across the sky, painting it oranges and beautiful yellows. Twenty years ago, Sarah would’ve dragged him to sit on their roof with an ice pop and just watch the stars in the sky… she was beyond her years. 

“Oh, I’ll make sure.” Ellie laughed, reading another one. “Why did the scarecrow get a promotion? Because he was outstanding in his field.” Ellie let out a snicker, feeling Joel close the door with a face of comedic pain, shaking his head.

“Reckon that’s enough for today.” Joel smiled, taking the book and putting it on the bed table beside them. Ellie giggled, moving herself into a more comfortable position as she piled the comic books into her bag, letting it slide to the ground beside the bed. “Try and get some rest, baby girl… all that walking must’ve tired ya out.” Ellie nodded: her legs and arms were on fire from walking around for the first time in a week. Sure, she had to get up to use the bathroom, but Joel usually just carried her and set her down. Her body wasn’t back to its normal immunity of exhaustion yet. 

“Yeah…” Ellie yawned again, feeling Joel slip the covers of the bed over her and lay beside her. The mattress sunk with his weight and he nestled his arm under her, letting her slowly nuzzle into him and snuggle around his body. “Night, Joel…” 

“Night, kiddo.” 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was just a little fluff chapter! i'm sorry, i strayed off of the request a little bit, but i like how it turned out :3 there should be an update in 1-2 days depending if there are anymore requests again! if you have an ask, put it in the comments <3 kudos and comments are greatly appreciated, they really make my day! :D happy spooktober, hope you guys have a good day! thanks so much for reading!


	15. Chapter Fifteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Joel and Ellie make an -almost- full recovery from the terror at the bank and move on with their journey... that is, before Ellie brings up memories that still haunt Joel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> little fluff chapter for you guys :3

Her leg had almost fully healed and though she still had a long, sturdy stick to help her with walking, Ellie was almost fully able to hobble around by herself. Her recovery had taken a weight off of both of them, but she didn’t toss any of the comic books she’d found in her illness. She savored each issue, even if she’d read them a thousand times. 

“Hey, Joel.” Ellie smiled, staring at Joel’s birthday present for her, flipping through it happily. She was _feeling_ better and it was showing. “My friend keeps saying ‘cheer up, man, it could be worse. You could be stuck underground in a hole full of water.’ I know he means well.” Joel snickered, looking back at her with a smile. They were in another city, something Ellie had grown to hate. All of those towns had the stupidest names, things Ellie would cackle at when he told her. He told her about how the streets were filled with people… and part of her was glad she was born now. _Too many people_ … the trauma of winter still had a hand on her throat, even if it eased its grip. 

“That’s pretty good, Ellie.” He grinned, planting his hand on her back and ticking her back gently as they walked through the city. Ellie’s tension released, but she was still scared. Being in big places like this, it made her uncomfortable. There were too many places to hide. “Here’s one.” Joel cracked a smile, looking down at her with a calm expression. “What do ya call a hippie’s wife?” 

“Oh, come on. That’s the most dad joke of dad jokes, Joel.” Ellie laughed, breaking her gaze from him to let out another laugh. “It’s Mississippi.” 

“That’s cheatin’...” Joel grumbled, faking a glare. Ellie rolled her eyes, letting out another small giggle. _My Ellie’s almost back… my baby girl’s almost back._ Joel felt a weight begin to lift itself off of him as she smiled again, a silence falling over the two. 

“Whatever, old man.” Ellie still held a small grin on her lips as she bore her eyes into the ground, wondering what they’d have to go through today, and that was when she saw it. “Um… how are we gonna get through this?” 

The streets ahead of them were flooded, most of them looking deeper than Ellie could stand and Joel sighed, shaking his head. “I can carry you, I reckon… maybe find somethin’ to carry you across…” Joel grumbled, swearing under his breath. He could tell fear was beginning to rise in Ellie as they stepped into the water, their hands clasped. “‘T’s okay, just keep my hand.”

“Okay…” She grumbled, cringing as the water seeped into her shoes, soaking her socks. “Fuck, this is cold.” Ellie groaned, squeezing Joel’s hand as they continued through the water. 

“Yeah… br.” Joel shook his head, looking down at Ellie with a smile. Ellie’s hand was beginning to grow tight in his as the water sloped down, making it to her chest and to his ribs. “Okay, stay close, kiddo.” Joel warned, feeling the water become deeper. _Might need ta find somethin’ for her to climb on._ Ellie began to feel coldness cover her. Joel shivered as well, frowning at the dirty water. Leaves and lily pads bobbed as something seemed to move under the water. 

“Here’s a better one.”

“Oh, this should be good.” Ellie laughed, letting a small bit of tension release from her body. She felt something suddenly run by her foot and she let out a scream since she was already full of tension due to the high water. Joel whipped around, releasing her hand momentarily and searching for the source of her fear. 

“Jesus Christ, you okay?” Joel asked, taking a deep breath as he saw that she was fine, looking down into the water. “Ellie.” He shook her slightly, feeling her release from her sudden fear and look up at him. 

“Y-yeah, sorry… I thought something touched me. Sorry, I’m just on edge.” Ellie stuttered, shaking off the fear and freeing herself, letting her muscles release their sudden tension. “Sorry.”  
“‘T’s, okay… scared the shit out of me, though.” Joel breathed, running his hand through his hair in relief. Ellie giggled for a second, making Joel send a fake glare at her. “Anyway… Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?” Ellie shrugged her shoulders, waiting to hear his corny joke with a smile on her face. She forgot the creature that had brushed past her ankle and now was enveloped in Joel being the biggest dad ever. “Because it was two tired.” 

“Oh my God, you’re such a dad, Joel.” Ellie groaned happily, shutting her eyes and letting a small laugh escape her ribcage. Joel smirked with satisfaction, rejoicing the smile that spread on her face. Ellie’s pain in her leg was still there but it came in shorter waves now. The pain was as bad, but at least it didn’t seem to last as long. Joel found her these funny looking straps he told her would help with the pain. “Ah.” Ellie gently pressed her hand against her leg, feeling another small drip of pain go through her. 

Joel turned to her, giving her a sad look. “It’s fine… it’s getting a bit better, at least.” Ellie responded before he could talk, knowing they needed to conserve their medicine in case one of them got sick, or something happened. “Still fucking sucks, though…”

“Yeah, suppose it would.”

“Hey, Joel. Why don’t guys have to deal with that period stuff?” Ellie asked him, a small wave of anger flashing on her. “‘T’s not fair…” 

“I dunno, guess it’s just how we’re made.” Joel shrugged, lacing his fingers around hers once again. “It don’t last forever, though, it’ll go away once you’re older.” _If I fucking make it ‘till then._ Ellie thought morbidly, dreading the fact that she knew she would most likely be gone after Joel. She didn’t even want to think about what living without him would entail. _I won’t have to think about that for decades… it’s okay._

“Fuck.” Ellie hissed, taking Joel’s hand as the wave of pain passed. She let out a deep breath, nodding her head in gratitude as she began to feel a little better. “Okay… it’s gone now.” Her leg spiked in pain again and she stopped walking, feeling her thin layer of bandages. 

"Alrighty… maybe we can find somethin’ to help you in this shithole.” Joel frowned, messing Ellie’s hair up. She groaned, rolling her eyes and trying to fix it. 

“That’s not fair, I wasn’t prepared that time.” They had made it a game of theirs to fight each other for the ability for Joel to scruffle her hair, which Ellie playfully hated. If she won, she got to mess his hair up, which she also hated because he annoyingly didn’t mind, just returned the gesture with a smile. 

“Gotta watch your back, kiddo.” He smiled, but it soon disappeared as he felt the water slope down. It was up to his chest and Ellie’s shoulders and she gulped, looking up at Joel. “I know… worst case, you can just ride on my back or somethin’.” Ellie giggled, now almost hoping the water got deeper. Joel was sweet in knowing how desperate she was for love. Ellie didn’t exactly get much love before they met, so he was happy with oversupplying it and making up for lost time. 

Suddenly, there was a slope, not letting Ellie stand anymore. She squealed in fear, feeling herself slip off of the edge. Joel instantly caught her, bringing her back to where she could stand as she kept a death grip to his neck. “It’s okay, I got ya. Okay, here… you can climb on…” He kneeled down in the water, letting her climb onto his back with a small smile. She felt silly like this but couldn’t help the giddy expression that went across her face. “You holdin’ on?” He asked, hearing her reply with a little ‘yes.’ 

“This is better than those fucking palettes.” Ellie remembered them with distaste. Joel was much more balanced and she didn’t feel like she was going to slip off at every given second. Besides that, a large grin was on her face as Joel began walking, the gravity of the water letting him carry Ellie easily on his back. Besides that, she was very light… too light for her age. She knew it worried him but she never minded it. If anything, it was an advantage. It allowed her to sneak better and slip into places other people couldn’t. Still… it worried Joel. 

“Yeah, suppose that ain’t too fun for ya, huh?” Ellie shook her head, sticking her tongue out in disgust. “One of these days, I’m gon’ have to teach you how to swim. Sarah learned before she could walk, but she never really needed it to survive, I suppose.” Ellie nodded, noticing his demeanor change as he discussed his _actual_ daughter. _I am his actual daughter… right? Does he think I am?_ He suddenly felt something in his hair and he looked back towards her, seeing her play with it. “Just what you think you’re doin’?” 

“I’m braiding your hair.” Ellie simply responded, continuing to braid the bottom strands into miniscule braids, smiling as she saw his eyes roll and he shook her off playfully. “Hey! I’m in the middle of something here.” 

“Mhm.” Joel replied, shaking his head once again. Ellie groaned, playing with the fabric of his shirt. Her legs were wrapped under his arms and her hands grabbed his backpack, using the straps as handles to stay on him. Another ripple went through the water ahead of them but she ignored it, thinking it was just the thing that had brushed past her ankle. It was, but it was no fish. 

“Hey, Joel.” He grunted, acknowledging her calling of his name. He finally allowed her to braid the edges of his hair. Even he couldn’t deny the small smirk that hid behind his beard and moustache. 

“How… how did Sarah die?” Joel froze, letting out a cough. Ellie released his hair, knowing she had hit a sore spot. Joel slowly continued, clearly trying to speak. Ellie knew that Sarah was his greatest tragedy and after he quieted for a second, remembering those horrible memories, she wished she could take back the question. “Sorry, I… I didn’t mean to-”

“It was… um, it was a bullet.” Joel whispered, barely moving through the water anymore. “Tommy and me, we… we were gettin’ her out of that hellhole… some officer comes up to us, pointin’ his gun.” Joel’s mouth was dry as he continued, hearing nothing but Ellie’s breaths behind him. “I told we weren’t sick, but… he didn’t listen, and… he shot her. Right in front of me.” Joel suddenly paused, letting a tear fall into the water with a small ripple. 

“I’m so sorry…” Ellie whispered, wrapping her hands around him while staying on and hugging him tightly. It was horrifying to see Joel cry because her sense of security was _Joel_ , and to see him cry was a wakeup. 

“I watched her die in front of me.” Joel muttered under his breath and suddenly, more tears were dripping down his face quickly, making Ellie grimace. “Right in front of me.” He finished, feeling Ellie climb down from his back, still holding onto him with a death grip. Joel looked down to her, seeing her own tears shimmering in her eyes and suddenly, she wrapped her arms around his shoulders, squeezing him as hard as possible. _It’s my turn now… I’m going to make this better for you, Dad._

“Hey, look at me, okay?” Ellie asked, watching him follow her hushed order. Their eyes connected and all of their pain was shared instantly, lightening the load on both of them. “I’m so sorry that happened to you, but… hey, you’re not losing me, okay? You can’t get rid of me if you try.” Ellie felt relieved when Joel let out a tragic chuckle, nodding his head and letting another tear fall down his beard. Ellie took a sigh again, feeling the word leave her lips: “I’m not going anywhere, Dad…” 

Joel’s head picked up and he felt his last tear drop down his skin. Suddenly, he hugged Ellie back, squeezing her tightly. “Okay… I believe you, baby girl.” Joel whispered back, feeling childish. Ellie gave him another squeeze before climbing back up, feeling uncomfortable with her feet dangling helplessly in the water. 

Suddenly ruining their tender moment, a splash sounded ahead of them, drawing a jump from Ellie. Joel’s head perked up, looking up towards her first then towards the splash. He wiped his eyes, his small moment of his shields dropping gone. Ellie’s fear was audible and he took her hand, squeezing it and slightly easing it. “Probably… probably some fish.” Then, another splash echoed, closer to them. Ellie gasped again, drawing her knife in her hand with tension riddled in her. 

“Joel… what was that?” Ellie asked, dropping his hair and looking up, tensing her hands on his backpack. Joel shook his head, backing up slightly. 

“I… I dunno. Hold onto me, baby girl.” He ordered, feeling her nod. He unlatched his shotgun from his bag, holding it above the surface of the water with a frown. Fear coursed through her as a shadow began to move from the water towards them and Joel backed away from him, feeling Ellie’s breath beginning to quicken around him. “Ellie, stay holdin’ on.”

“W-what is that?” Ellie asked, watching as the shadow grew closer to them, and then… Joel was underwater, Ellie being knocked away from him. “ _Joel_!” Ellie screamed, watching as a clicker wrestled him underwater, allowing Ellie to flail underwater, her hand reaching for her knife as she breathed in the water, beginning to drown. Even though she couldn’t breathe, she didn’t care: Joel was losing the battle against the clicker. With a rain of terror in her she thrashed towards it, somehow landing the blade in its neck. Ellie began to sink towards the bottom. She was around ten feet below the water as she saw Joel rush towards her, his arms propelling her forward. Joel’s body ran itself towards her, every cell in her body screaming to get to her. 

A horrible silence fell through the water as she slowly drowned before him. He finally grabbed her, almost letting out air when he felt her freezing cold touch. Ellie had no air left from her scream and she began to inhale the water, coughing even underwater. Joel cringed, moving his arms as fast as he could to get them to the surface while she clung to him like a lost orphan, begging for a home. 

Ellie clung to Joel’s waist, squeezing her eyes shut as he propelled them towards the surface. It looked like a mirror from below the water as Joel finally broke them through to air, a long gasp for oxygen escaping his lips. Ellie instantly let out a sputter of coughs, feeling Joel tread water as he moved them to somewhere he could stand. Water spurted from her lips as Joel brought her in front of him, taking in the sight of her absolutely soaked body. Her skin was coated in water and her hair sank flatly due to its wetness. “It’s okay, breathe, baby girl.” He whispered, watching her let out another round of coughs before finally being able to breathe, her skin retreating from its pale color as she took in air. “It’s okay, it’s okay.”  
“Fucking… hell.” Ellie coughed out, covering her mouth with her sleeve as Joel held her in the water, keeping her afloat. “Are you clean?” Ellie asked, rejoicing when Joel nodded. She let out another series of coughs, hacking water from her nostrils and mouth with a horrible sound. Joel frowned, taking her in his arms and sinking so their faces were equal. He cupped her face with his hands as her coughing began to cease. 

“You okay?” Ellie nodded, taking a deep breath and letting out one final cough. “Okay… just a scare, that’s all. It’s alright now, baby girl.” Ellie nodded, surprised to find she couldn’t cry or be afraid. Her trauma had hardened her and her scale of fear had grown, and this: it just didn’t fit. They were both okay, Joel was alive… and that was enough to keep her calm. 

“Yeah, I… I’m okay.” Ellie nodded in between breaths, feeling Joel take her in his arms and squeeze her tightly, hugging her and getting as close to her as she could. 

“Gave me a good scare there, kiddo.” Joel mumbled, letting Ellie breath but keeping her close and tight. 

“Let’s just… stay away from water now, please?” 

Joel let out a chuckle, nodding and continuing through the river, feeling Ellie’s want to just get out and find somewhere to sleep. “Reckon I ain’t gon’ fight you on that one.” Ellie let out an exhausted breath, climbing back to her original position on Joel’s back. She took deep breaths, relishing the feeling of oxygen in her lungs. “Should be out of here in a bit, kiddo.” 

Ellie had already begun to relax, feeling the warmth of Joel beneath her. Still, her exhaustion was taking over her and before she knew it, her eyes were closed and she was asleep. 

Joel looked up to her, remembering his confession of Sarah’s death. He shook his head, grimacing and looking down to his own shaky reflection in the water. His brow furrowed and he let out a small growl, vigorously shaking his head. _I’m not letting anything happen to you._ He thought with determination, savoring the sound of Ellie’s drawn out breaths and the weight of her on his back. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you so much for reading! if you guys have any requests, i love doing them, so put them down in the comments! there'll be an update in 1-2 days! kudos and comments are really appreciated and i hope you guys have a great day! I think it'll be a couple more chapters (maybe like 4-6) before we get to Salt Lake, maybe more if I get some more requests, so if you have any asks, just... well, ask! :D


	16. Chapter Sixteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ellie and Joel travel through another city, now around a month and a half from Salt Lake.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> put some of my art in the first couple sentences, just finished them :D

this is some of my fanart that i just finished, it took twenty four hours to complete, mostly because of procrastination haha! hope you guys like it :D 

https://media.discordapp.net/attachments/755797790344478893/760958166531440660/IMG_20200929_235406_685.jpg?width=487&height=609

[https://media.discordapp.net/attachments/755797790344478893/767754042499006524/Untitled8_20201019101859.png?width=1083&height=609](https://media.discordapp.net/attachments/755797790344478893/767754042499006524/Untitled8_20201019101859.png?width=1083&height=609)

https://media.discordapp.net/attachments/615728783827402782/767842165220442162/Untitled11_20201019160941.png?width=449&height=609

that last one is a remake of one of the savage starlight comics except the characters are ellie and joel. I'll put more of my fanart in the next chapter if you guys want to see them. i'll get onto the story now because you guys probably don't care lol. enjoy! 

\------------------------------

Their footsteps echoed as they walked through the apartment building. Ellie was fascinated, finding different little history lessons in each room. Joel watched her run around, her leg almost fully healed. She was feeling better, the horrors of winter were slowly but surely loosening on her with Joel’s help… she still had nightmares… there was no way she wouldn’t. If Ellie was upset, she could still feel David choking her… but it was better than it had been in Winter. 

“Hey, look, Joel… fireflies.” Ellie whispered, running through another room. It was full of small glass frames, insects lining each one of them. “This is creepy…” Ellie muttered, seeing the tail of a scorpion lined on a shelf. “Why would anyone want a scorpion on their wall?”

“Well, reckon they look scary, don’t they?” Joel asked, which Ellie immediately nodded to. “People used to collect ‘em. Guess they were a bit shiner back then.” A dull butterfly hung on one of the frames. Ellie tapped her finger against it, almost expecting it to fly back towards her. 

“Weirdos.” Ellie uttered, making Joel crack a smile. She was always so confused about customs that seemed so normal ages ago. Joel found it adorable. “Hey, what’s this?” Ellie asked, pointing towards a large golden trophy. It was for soccer and Joel smiled. It looked like a kid’s trophy and he was reminded of soccer practices with Sarah. 

“It’s a trophy. Remember all those sports I told ya about?” Ellie nodded, fingering the trophy’s plastic gold in her hands with confusion. “Well, every weekend, families’d gather around to see their kids play ‘em. Usually sucked, but it was fun.” 

“Sounds like too many people.” Ellie shrugged again, still not fully over winter. Joel frowned, watching as she walked out of the room, looking for a way to get down from the building. They hadn’t cleared the lower floors yet, so her knife lived in her hand. 

“Hey… Ellie?” Joel asked, nudging her gently as she stared off in the distance again. Ellie looked towards Joel, awaiting his words. “You know you can talk to me, right? About everything that went down in… in Winter?” Ellie shut her eyes when she heard the word and Joel frowned, a pit growing in his stomach when he saw Ellie sigh, taking a long breath. 

Her mind flashed through memories and she shook her head, waving the thoughts away. “Yeah, I… I know.” Ellie nodded, temporarily running her head into Joel’s chest. He tied his eyebrows together, squeezing her tightly and she refused to cry. _I’m done crying over this._ She knew it wasn’t true, she knew another nightmare would most likely plague her tonight. “I’m good… I’m better now. I feel better.” 

“Okay…” Joel nodded, feeling her break from his touch and departing the room. He sighed, but he knew part of her answer was the truth. He didn’t _expect_ her to get better any time, she’d been molested, she’d been raped. And Joel wanted _so desperately_ to make that not true but he couldn’t. He just had to pick up the pieces.   
“Hey, I think we can use some good old jokes right now.” Joel chuckled, watching in agony as she pulled out the dreaded book, flipping through the pages. The other one had been lost in the fall. She mourned it as it was a part of Riley. But… it felt like she was finally moving on. Riley’s gift was out and Joel’s was taking its place. Not replacing it, but filling the dark, black hole that Riley’s death had left in Ellie. “I tried to catch some fog earlier. I’m mist.” Ellie giggled, moving the pages and turning to a different section, a new smile dawning over her as she descended down the steps to the lower floor. “Do y’know what’s not right?”

“... left?” Joel asked, sighing when Ellie broke out into laughs, nodding with a giant smile. 

“Yeah.” Ellie giggled, putting the book away with a happy smile resting on her lips. She had a very lasting smile, one that stayed long after it was gone. Her beam was warm and welcoming, but it seemed little compared to Joel’s. He had _such a grin._ Though, she had one left: “What did the triangle say to the circle? You’re-”  
Ellie was cut off as suddenly a runner threw itself down on her when her foot touched the second floor. She let out a grunt when it pushed her to the floor, its hands clawing for her face. 

She cried out for Joel and almost instantly, a gunshot rang through the air and a spray of blood splattered across Ellie’s cheek. The runner’s body collapsed on her and she let out a breath, feeling it being taken off of her quickly. “Are you okay?” Joel asked quickly, bending down towards her and helping her up quickly. 

“Yeah… yeah, I’m clean. Fucking scared me, though.” Ellie growled, looking down at the body with distaste. A small line of smoke lifted from Joel’s revolver and she nodded, catching her breath. “Thanks.” 

“Mhm.” Joel nodded, beginning to lead them down the hall again. And then… a click echoed through the hall. Then another, and another. It seemed to surround them and Ellie stopped short, her eyes meeting Joel. “Shit…”

“Joel?” Ellie asked, seeing two clickers on either side of the corridor, surrounding them. Ellie quickly took her rifle out, swearing under her breath when she saw only one magazine. It seemed the building itself was an ecosystem and it had been woken suddenly, running towards the small father and daughter pair. “Shit, Joel. There’s a lot of these fuckers.”

“Yeah, I know, I know. How many shots you got?”  
“Five…” Ellie hissed anxiously, loading her gun back quickly. There were three runners and two clickers on Joel’s side and four runners on Ellie’s side. Two stalkers hid behind the shelves and benches on Ellie’s side, creeping around. 

“Alright, jus’ make ‘em count, kiddo.” 

“You’re shitting me, we’re fighting this out?” Ellie asked shakily, watching as Joel turned around, making eye contact with her. “Joel, there’s a lot of them!” Ellie pointed, noticing the Infected beginning to move closer and closer to them. Joel raised his revolver and Ellie followed, aiming her rifle. 

“We got this, baby girl.” And then, the shooting started. With one pull of his trigger, Joel had shot two runners, pushing the bullet through both of their heads. He praised himself, but didn’t let any of his pride rise. Ellie’s gunshots sounded next to him, slightly impairing his hearing. There was a fallen stalker and runner on her side, slightly easing her stress. 

“Fuck, Joel, I’m out!” Ellie yelled after killing another runner, pushing her bag beside her and fishing through it for bullets. 

“I got ya, just hurry!” Joel replied, circling around Ellie while he shot, taking down one last clicker and another runner. There was one stalker and three runners left, though they were now feet away. Ellie then stood again, her pistol loaded. Smaller pepper shots fired through the air and two more runners collapsed, both of their heads burst open. “Cover me!”  
Ellie obliged, protecting him just as he had done for her. The last runner collapsed and all that was left was the stalker. Ellie took a molotov from her bag, chucking it at the stalker. The runner’s fist slammed the molotov away, breaking it but sending the fire onto the wall beside it. “Shit!” The fire began to spread towards a red can on the floor and Ellie realized with horror that it was gas. 

Joel saw exactly what was happening and took Ellie, hiding her in his arms and running as far away as he could before the explosion went off, sending their bodies through the air and sending fire onto the walls. Ellie’s vision blackened for a moment as the floor met her head and she suddenly collapsed momentarily. 

He let out an airy cough, slowly opening his arms and looking down towards where the explosion went, seeing fire spreading across the walls. “Ellie… Ellie, ya decent?” Joel coughed out, noticing smoke slowly rise from the fire. He breathed when he saw her chest rise, even if her clothing and hair was now coated with a thin layer of smoke. “Hey, you good?”

A cough escaped from her lips and her eyes fluttered open, meeting Joel’s. Ellie’s pupils rose then dilated again, taking in the sight of him. “Y-yeah.” Ellie stuttered, letting out another cough. Her eyes met the fire and an amber shade reflected on her fair skin. 

The fire brought back memories that she had lost battles against and Joel nudged her again, feeling the air become thicker. “Hey, we… we gotta get outta here, c’mon. Too much smoke.”

Ellie’s throat closed around her when she heard those words because it was the exact sentence he had said to her when she first was found in that goddamn restaurant. _Joel said I have PTSD… whatever that is. Why can’t I get past this?_ “Y-yeah… yeah, okay.” Ellie nodded and fire immediately began to rise from the walls. “How… How do we get outta here?” Ellie asked, feeling Joel help her up and take her hand, leading her through the building. 

The fire was spreading much quicker due to the alcohol that was in the molotov and it had already taken around half of the hallway, trapping Ellie and Joel on the left side. “C’mon, there’s gotta be some stairs over here.” The streets below them were flooded and Ellie looked down, her throat closing at the fall. “Come on, come on.” Joel begged aloud, his heart stopping when he saw a dead end at the other side of the corridor. 

“Joel, how… where are we going?” She let out another cough due to the smoke that began to choke the air. _Shit, this fuckin’ smoke’s gon’ kill us._ Joel swore in his mind, feeling his own lungs argue against the thick air. 

“Cover your mouth, baby.” Joel ordered gently, pressing his shirt to his lips and doing the same for her. Joel looked around, his eyes searching for _anything_ that could get them out of there. Ellie coughed once again, her lung nearly chucking itself out of her throat. 

“I can’t… breathe right.” Ellie hacked out, covering her mouth with both layers of her clothing and looking around, her eyes widening. Suddenly, she collapsed, her knees failing her as she sucked in the smoke, desperate for air. 

“Ellie!” Joel tried to get her back up but she shook her head, pointing forward. He moved towards her again but she pushed him off, once again pointing in the other direction. Joel looked where she was pointing and his heart raced, seeing a broken window that they could climb out of to a fire escape on the other side. “Okay, come, baby girl. Come on.” 

Joel raced over to the window, carrying Ellie in his arms towards the window. “Okay, climb over, baby girl. Get yourself up.” Ellie hated going first but Joel pushed her up, weakly boosting her and forcing himself to keep breathing to get her out. Slowly, she hopped over the window, savoring the feeling of the -somewhat- clean air. Her lungs rejoiced and she slid against the wall, not having the energy to flee from the fire. The smoke inhalation drained her and her body was laying on the fire escape. 

It shook when Joel landed beside her. He too took a deep breath, his body absolutely craving the taste of fresh air. A high bled through him when he felt it, until he looked down towards Ellie. He frowned, seeing her exhausted body on the escape. “Ellie, kiddo.” He whispered, moving towards her with concern. 

She looked up at him, slowly moving up, feeling the heat crawl on the wall behind her. “Okay, we can get down from here.” Joel muttered, holding her gently and helping her make her way down the metal steps. The street below them was flooded, but it was too high for Ellie to stand in, maybe ten or twelve feet high. The smoke still lived above them but as they made their way down the escape, Ellie’s body begged for sleep from not being able to breath for almost a straight minute. 

“Alright, I… I can do it now.” Ellie whispered, her voice as dry as the desert. Ellie slowly separated from Joel, able to slowly walk on her own. Fire loomed above them and Joel rushed them slowly, but swallowed when he saw the fire escape break before them. “J-Joel?” Ellie asked weakly, looking up at him then the fire. “Are we trapped?” 

Joel’s heart broke as she asked him if they were going to die. He shook his head, looking to the deeply flooded street below them. “No, no, baby girl. Look, we…” He sighed, knowing that she would hate the only answer he had. “... we gotta jump down, okay? We can land in the water below.” 

Ellie’s eyes widened and she opened her lips to say something but then closed them, looking down at the water with a nauseous feeling. Ellie had grown to hate her water since almost drowning nearly a week ago. Still, she rathered it over being burned to death. “O-okay…” Ellie sighed, looking as Joel walked closer to the edge carefully, letting her hand go. It shook as he let go and he looked towards her. 

“I’ll go first so I can keep you afloat, alright?” Ellie nodded shakily, and then, he jumped into the street below. Ellie watched with horror as he disappeared into the water, but he soon resurfaced. Joel looked up to her, his eyes telling her she could do it. “Okay, you now, kiddo!” Joel yelled, seeing her look down to the water with a sick expression. She then looked back up to the fire and nodded, a determined face suddenly dawning on her. 

She hadn’t survived this long just to let a little fire and smoke take her out. _I’m done being a crybaby, I can do this._ Ellie squeezed her eyes shut and let her hands release the fire escape, sending her down towards the street, towards Joel. The water washed over her but she soon felt arms grab her, keeping her afloat. Ellie took a breath, opening her eyes quickly and looking at Joel. 

Oddly, a small smile crept on her face as she looked up towards the fire, adrenaline rushing through her. “Holy shit, we survived.” Ellie whispered, a small laugh escaping her lips. Suddenly, Joel took her in his arms, squeezing her tightly. 

“Sh, sh, are you okay?” Joel asked, looking down towards her smoke covered body. She let out one final cough but nodded, feeling relatively okay. “Everything good?”

“Yeah, yeah, I think so… I’m just tired.” Ellie whispered, her voice dry and cracked. Joel took her by the waist, swimming through the water to somewhere he could stand. 

“Okay, that’s okay. We can take shelter in one of them restaurants, okay?” Ellie nodded, clinging to Joel through the water. It slowly shallowed and Ellie felt her exhaustion dawning down on her. Joel looked down at her and froze, seeing her still. Though, he saw her chest rise and realized she had once again fallen asleep in his arms, coddled like a baby. He sighed, carrying her with left arm swaddling her head and his right arm slipped under her knee. A scar still lived on her knee from where it had broken. “Baby girl…” He whispered, pressing his lips to her forehead and kissing her forehead gently with care. _I’ll protect you._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just some more fluff and hurt/comfort! thanks for reading, guys! requests are welcome and if you have any asks, put em in the comments below! kudos and comments are appreciated and there should be another update tomorrow or the next day! I hope all of you had a wonderful day and thank you so much for reading!


	17. Chapter Seventeen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Joel and Ellie travel through yet another building, but Ellie's going to tell Joel about the fear she still holds for David, whether she wants to or not.

Ellie was feeling better. There were almost less than a state away to the fireflies and winter had finally begun to loosen its grip on her. Besides that, they had been able to stay away from large towns, which Ellie took graciously. Joel was so… so _open_ and understanding about what David had done. Ellie thought he’d be disgusted, maybe even send her packing but… it was like he understood. 

As they walked through the evening air, Ellie looked up, taking in their surroundings. They were traveling through an abandoned hotel, currently in the bottom layer. “Hey… wanna hear a joke?” Joel sniggered, quickly nodding as Ellie began to pull her birthday present out. 

“Sure, let’s see what ya got today, baby girl.” He smirked, the only sound the broken glass crunching beneath their feet as they walked through the hotel. 

“Um… oh, here we go. What does a zombie vegetarian eat? ‘GRRRAAAIINS!’” Joel chuckled, though she could see that Ellie didn’t get it. She looked at Joel in confusion, but her chest lifted when she saw him smile. It lasted on his lips and he finally opened his mouth. 

“When things were normal, people used ta say that zombies’d eat brains if they ever existed.” It was quiet for a moment before Ellie broke out in laughter, more than any joke ever would have made her laugh. “It’s true, it’s true. Came from some old story.”

“The fuck?” Ellie giggled, laughing so much it almost hurt. Joel stared at her, a smirk on his lips. She was so cute, but more importantly, she seemed to be _happy._ The fact that she could smile and laugh again warmed Joel’s heart and it lifted a physical weight from his shoulders. Protecting her was something he never complained about, as she had done the same for him without a peep. But, God… seeing her as she was after David had… done what he did mentally affected him. It was horrible to see her be so traumatized. Even if she was happy, she still awoke with nightmares. The horror of her molestation still watched over her, stalking her. “You lived in a weird fucking time, pops.”

“‘Pops?’” Joel asked, grinning. She shrugged, her teeth exposed as her lips curved up into a smile. 

“I dunno, I just thought of it.”

“Reckon I like that.” Ellie let out a genuine smile, one of happiness and relief that she now knew Joel felt the same things she felt for him. It was a breath of fresh air after everyone who’d died before her: Riley, Winston, all of her friends from school, the fireflies she’d been forced to almost kill while attending that _horror_ school. 

“Okay, here’s another one.” Ellie grinned, reading the pages while Joel waited in silent anticipation. The building they were looting was rather large, and much too quiet for both of their likings. “You’re American when you go into the bathroom, and you’re American when you come out, but do you know what you are while you’re in there? European.” Joel let out a louder laugh for that one and he could tell Ellie didn’t _entirely_ get it but she somewhat understood it. 

“That’s your best yet, I think.” Joel smiled and just as Ellie was about to respond, a large bang from the other side of the humongous floor startled both of them. Ellie jumped, quickly moving closer to Joel instinctively and taking his hand. “What was that?”

“I don’t know.” Ellie whisper-hissed back, taking her gun out immediately, but leaving the safety on. Joel nodded, taking his own revolver out and slowly pulling back the chamber, loading the gun with a tiny _click._ “Where are you going?” Ellie whined as Joel began to walk towards the sound. She sighed, trailing after him with slow fear crawling under her skin. “Be careful…”

“I know, I know.” Joel responded, sighing as Ellie turned the safety off on her pistol. She was much more jumpy ever since David, but it seemed that would be a permanent change in her. Any little sound got her worked up, going through water used to be tolerable for her but now she was always terrified she’d fall in, despite Joel letting her climb on his back. “Stay close.” 

“What if it’s another bloater?” Joel shook his head, feeling Ellie’s hand squirm nervously in his grip. Suddenly, Joel crossed into another room, a small -barely standing- door looming a few feet above his head. Abruptly heightening her fear, a large _wham_ rang through the air, pushing Joel to the ground. “Joel!” Ellie squealed, running towards him instantly only to see a small rabbit caught in the chain of the door. It released small whimpers and Ellie’s vision caught on it for a second, the memories of Winter returning just for a second. “A-are you okay?” Ellie asked, jerking her vision from the small animal and helping Joel up quickly. 

He nodded, gratefully accepting her grip and putting his hands on his knees, letting out a deep exhale. “Fuckin’ thing scared me.” He sighed, slowly regaining himself from the scare. Ellie nodded, moving towards the rabbit with her knife. She had gotten used to killing the small animals they needed to survive, deers, rabbits… her old self wouldn’t have hurt anything, not even if a gun was pointed at her… but that Ellie was gone, and was replaced with this one. A much more mature and sickened one. “Nah, no point in takin’ it. It’s barely a baby. Too small for any meat.” Joel stopped her, and reached down towards the bunny, taking Joel’s knife temporarily. 

Joel’s leg fell upon the large, painted yellow line that separated the room they’d been in previously and the one they had just entered. The large metal door that was curled up above the entrance was tied up with the chain that held the bunny, resting just above Joel’s body. 

Ellie’s knife lived in Joel’s hand as he began to cut the weak chain, aiming for the rope that held it together. And suddenly, the bunny was free, but the chain that held the door was no longer holding it up. A horrible scream went through the air and Ellie looked up, seeing _exactly_ what was about to happen. “Joel, move!” Ellie wailed out suddenly, pushing him into the other room and taking his place. She jumped back, literally being caught with the door by the ends of her hair. She yelled, grabbing her ponytail just in time to escape the metal claw. 

Joel instantly got up, looking back towards the door and banging against it. “Ellie! Ellie, are you okay?!” He yelled, looking through the small gaps in the door to see her backing away from it, heavily breathing. “Ellie?”  
“Yeah, I’m okay!” Ellie responded, thankful to hear that he was alright. She looked around her, discomfort sinking in. She always hated closed spaces and the room that she was now trapped in had no exits but was just a small room. It maybe had an area of eight feet, that of which was much too small for Ellie to feel comfortable alone when she knew there was no getting out. “I’m okay.” She repeated, sounding a little quieter and more desperate this time. 

_You have to be shitting me._ She thought, looking at the four walls as they slowly began to close around her. Ellie turned around, squeezing her eyes shut and looking through the small gaps in the metal. Joel stared back at her, tracing the door for anything that could get it open. “Joel? Can you see a way out?” 

“Um, yeah, I’m looking!” Joel yelled, not exactly giving Ellie any comfort. His face was lined with stress and he looked up, searching for any sort of vent or air gap to the other side. Nothing immediately came to mind and he cursed under his breath, hearing Ellie’s breathing begin to pick up. He knew that she was claustrophobic and his determination to get her out only grew. 

“Joel?” 

He shook his head, banging his fists against the concrete wall and cursing, his breathing stopping for a second. “Joel, are you there?” Ellie asked, her voice ending with a high pitch. They’d been travelling together enough for Joel to know what every single movement of her body meant and he knew that when her voice was as high as it was, it was _bad news._ She was anxious, afraid. He’d heard the same voice the hour after he found her in that goddamn restaurant. 

“I’m right here, kiddo. Listen, there’s gotta be some garage in here that has something that can lift that gate.” _You’re leaving?_ Ellie thought hopelessly, sinking against a single truck that lied in the empty room. The rabbit skippered around the room, terrified of Ellie. She glared at it with hate. “Baby girl?”

“Just hurry.” She croaked, not letting any tears escape her. The walls seemed to have shrunk and she shut her eyes, trying not to look. “Hurry, please.” Ellie whimpered, her voice desperate as she looked around at the room, the four walls closing in on her. Joel placed his hand on the door and heard Ellie crawling over, placing her own palm on his through the metal. 

“I’ll be back in a minute, I swear.” Joel whispered, cringing at her terrified voice. He wished desperately they could trade places… but he couldn’t. So, Joel slinkered off into the darkness, moving as quickly as he could. And just like that, Ellie was alone, trapped in a cold cage. 

“Fuck.” She whispered, looking at the walls around her and squeezing her eyes shut only to see worse images greeting her with a deathly grin. She shook her head, trying to look at the floor but her heart was racing and her blood was roaring in her ears, pushing away the thought of silence. “Fuck, fuck.” Ellie whispered, her breathing slowly beginning to raise as she looked at the bunny running around the room, repeating the same pattern as it desperately searched for a way out. _No, not now. I can’t have a fucking panic attack right now, fuck off._ Ellie thought, trying to lower her breathing. She remembered the song Joel had sung to her so long ago in Winter and tried to remember the words, shakily singing it as the ringing of her ears deafened her. 

Panic filled her when she looked back up at the closed space. The door sealed her fate and she placed her hand against it once again, desperate to feel Joel on the other side. “ _Some day, when I'm awfully low, when the world is cold…_ ” Her voice was shaky and broken, sounding much worse than it usually would but she didn’t care. It brought her the tiniest amount of comfort as she imagined Joel’s voice in place of her own. “ _I will feel a glow just thinking of you_ …” She stopped, shaking her head and feeling a weight on her with every second. Her heart beat quickly, racing as quick as a subtle wink. 

“Joel?” She called out, knowing there would be no response. So, she stood and started to pace the room, the rabbit joining her. Ellie scowled at it, blaming the small beast for everything that had happened even if it weren’t true. “Fucking thing… Joel?” She called again, placing her vision in the small hole in the door only to see darkness.

That sight terrified her thoroughly and she felt anything she had left leave her immediately. Ellie knew it wasn’t true… she knew Joel didn’t leave, but, God… it looked like it. Her chest began to hyperventilate, not only from the thought of Joel leaving her but from the tight space finally getting to her despite her frail efforts. Suddenly, a figure appeared before her, his horrible eyes stabbed through with the blade of a machete. “No… no, you’re not real. I killed you.” Ellie croaked, backing away in horror. The delirium moved closer to her, pinning her against the wall. “ _Get away_ !” Ellie screeched, berating the vision with fists only for them to pass through _his_ figure and let her fall to the ground with a hard grunt. She was suddenly not able to move and the figure returned, standing over her. “No, _no!_ ” Ellie screamed, not able to move as the figure moved down on her. And then, it was suddenly gone just as _it_ was about to start… but its effect had not disappeared. 

Ellie really tried to reject the attack but her defense was faulty. A panic attack slowly set under her skin, pushing it up with goosebumps that spread across her limbs like an infection. Before she could do anything, her legs failed her and she fell to the ground, her breath jagged and coming out in shark gasps. 

Her mouth tried to make out words but it couldn’t and she collapsed completely, the amount of stress that had been pouring on her the entire journey finally coming out in one swift assault that nearly took her consciousness. It wasn’t exactly out of nowhere, Ellie realized later, remembering her almost constant nightmares and memories. No matter how many times Joel told her it was okay, it never seemed to be. 

That’s when footsteps began rattling somewhere in the back of her brain. “Ellie?” Her brain craved the sight of Joel and she felt the door rumble. Ellie tried to let out some sort of noise but all that came out was a haled whisper of confusion, not sure what was going on. It was like she couldn’t control her own body and all she saw was the walls closing in on her and the absence of Joel. “Ellie?!” He called louder, knocking on the door as he propped it up, grunting as he propped it on a small roll-cart he had found. “Ellie, ya decent?!” Joel asked, concern ripping through him as he crawled under the small gap in the door, stopping when he saw Ellie shaking on the ground, her eyes shaking into her own head and closing. “ _Ellie_!” Joel roared, dropping the door onto the small cart and running towards her, taking her hand with a pit in his stomach. “Ellie?” He asked, moving his face over hers and looking down into her eyes. 

Ellie’s breathing was ragged and forced. Her entire body was subtly shaking and her eyes were closed. “Ellie, kiddo.” Joel whispered, his voice as dry as bones and his tongue feeling as if it were going numb in his mouth. “Baby, hey, Ellie?” He called, gently tapping her, not knowing what to do. “Baby girl, c’mon.” He brushed her hair aside, unsure of what to say to pull her out, or if she could even hear or feel him. “Ellie, baby girl, I’m here now. It’s okay, I’m right here.” 

She rasped out his name as her eyes met his and he saw her terror and confusion, unsure of what was happening to her body. Joel caressed her cheek, rubbing the tears that had begun to roll down the side of her cheek. “J-Jo… J-Joel.” Ellie whispered, her hand weakly reaching for his and he squeezed it tightly. 

Joel took her shaking body in his arms, wrapping her knees by his thighs and taking all of her in his arms, surrounding her with him. Joel whispered praises to her, begging whatever was happening to stop. 

Adrenaline crawled through him, making his hand stair up with each breath. “Ellie, baby.” He whispered, running his hands through her hair and just trying to surround her entire body with his warmth and the feeling of him hugging her. “Hey, I’m right here. It’s okay, I’m right here. I’m right here, I’m right here.” Joel chanted as he pressed her closer to him, letting her take in his scent and confirm that he was indeed there. Ellie’s breathing began to calm, though it was still awake with terror. “I’m here now.”

“D-D… Dad.” Ellie whispered through her rapid breaths, suddenly feeling hot in Joel’s grip. Joel nodded, letting his own tears drip down his face in relief as Ellie began to calm, her body recovering from her panic attack. It was a combination of both being forced alone in the tiny room and everything that had been haunting her behind the scenes, behind her smile and her jokes. 

“Yeah, it’s okay, baby girl. I’m right here. Are you alright?” Joel asked, looking down at her but she didn’t let him separate her from his arms. She was shaken up, understandably, and didn’t reply, just hugged him, silently crying in his arms. She wanted to go back, to go back before… everything. If only she could go back to when she was first brought on the earth, but take Joel with her. If only he had been there all that time. 

“Mhm.” Ellie lied, nodding her head gently in Joel’s arms and looking up at the room. She shuddered, cringing and remembering the figure that had stood over her. Joel looked down at her, finally able to see her eyes for the first time in minutes. “No…” She admitted, closing her eyes and saw the vision of David standing over her once again. She separated herself from Joel, leaning against the wall with her head in her hands. “I’m sorry, I should be over this by now… I’m sorry.”

“Ellie…” Joel whispered, moving towards her slowly as she hid in her own hands, immediately tired from the terrifying attack. “What… what he did to you, it’s okay to not be okay.” Joel comforted her, letting her slowly recoil back into her arms. Beside Ellie confessing, they hadn’t ever really _talked_ about it. Ellie was left to her own devices to recover. It had been two months: Ellie wanted to be heard for the first time in her life. 

“When… after i-it happened… I feel like I've been chewed up and spit back out. I feel like I’m broken, Joel. And I just want… to not be broken anymore.” Joel’s heart broke and he pulled her away from his chest, looking directly at her and her piercing emerald eyes. 

“Hey, hey. Don’t say that. You’re still my baby girl, and you’re still perfect. You don’t ever not think that, Ellie.” He said sternly, making sure that she had heard him. Ellie looked into his eyes and let out a small whimper, diving back into him. “I know… it’s okay. It’s okay.” 

Tragedy began to retreat and her cries quieted. Joel found that after around twenty minutes of her crying beginning to quiet, she had fallen asleep in his arms, the slightest hint of drool running down her lips. He smiled, wiping her tears and beginning to set up camp in the room now that an exit had been provided. It was secure because of the singular entrance and Joel laid down their sleeping bags, quickly tucking Ellie in under the cloth and pulling the blanket they’d found weeks ago up to her chin. He kissed her forehead and laid beside her on the ground, his hand clasped around hers. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey! there'll be an update in 1-2 days! requests/comments are welcome and appreciated and as always, thank you so much for reading!


	18. Chapter Eighteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ellie wonders about where everyone who dies goes.

Ellie was in a fuss. Every time she thought she was over what David did it returned… Joel had begun to make her talk about what she was feeling more and it was a week and a half since the attack. Joel said talking helped and Ellie could see why. She felt a little better and was trying desperately to get back to herself. It was showing slightly, but she just wanted Joel to stop worrying about her and know she’d be better with time. It was night time and Ellie once again had snuck away from the bed, not able to sleep. 

Her nightmares had paused once again, leaving her in a state of aggravating insomnia. So, she sat on the roof of the house they’d found, staring up at the stars and trying to remember the name for each one, finding it easy. She’d always been interested in the stars and space ever since she was an infant. Marlene told her of people traveling to the moon and living there, something that had become a lullaby for her. 

The air smelled  _ fresh _ and clean, something she savored. Twinkles of light littered the sky and she sighed, swearing to herself she’d try to move on.  _ He did what he did… Joel’s right, he’s dead. David can’t hurt me anymore.  _ Ellie felt a weight slowly but surely being lifted off of her and yet again, she took another deep inhale, feeling the cold air enter her body with joy. “One day…” Ellie whispered, looking up at the sky and taking her journal from her bag, quickly racing the pencil against the page. 

A joy ran through her as she exercised her talent, numbing her from what she’d been through. Ellie learned to move on after her parents and after losing Riley, along with her other friends. This was just another thing she had to move on from. So, she swore she would try as hard as she could, and then, the weight lifted from her shoulders. 

The air didn’t smell different and the starry sky still twinkled the same, but something changed. Ellie felt like she could breathe again and felt as if she could go through a metamorphosis, rebirthing herself into something even stronger than what she had previously been. 

“One day I can get there.” On the moon, she wouldn’t need to worry about anyone else, except Joel, of course.  _ Joel, me and the stars…  _ Ellie smiled, trying to scribble that silly thought in her book but she crossed it out, unhappy with the result. 

Ellie heard a rustling from inside the house and realized that Joel must’ve woken to find her missing. She felt guilty, knowing how horrified she’d be if that were to happen to her. “I’m up here!” She called, hearing a deep sigh of relief run through the house, even if it were floors beneath her. During their travel, Ellie had become acutely aware of every sound Joel made and learned to memorize it and know exactly what it sounded like. His breathing, his cough… his cry. His body language had become a new tongue for her as well and she knew exactly what each breath meant and how it translated into his feelings or his anxieties. 

Joel eventually made it to the window Ellie had used to get outside and placed his hands on it, seeing her small figure sketching wildly like a mad artist. He took in the sight of the stars above them and smirked, seeing her eyes reflect with each blink of the sky. “It’s cool, isn’t it?”  
“Yeah… reckon it is.” Joel nodded, his words soft and gentle as he made his way out of the window and slowly laid beside her, keeping his eyes on the sky but sneaking a glance at her every so often. 

Ellie was silent as she looked up at the sky, wondering if Sam was right.  _ Is there something after we die? Do we just do it again? Or is it just blackness.  _ Joel looked towards her again but she was consumed in the beauty of astronomy until eventually he opened his mouth. 

“Are you okay?” Joel finally asked, moving his head towards her. Her eyes stayed on the sky but she took a breath, letting out a deep exhale. In that moment, she took the first step and applied the first stitch to closing her wound. Ellie looked directly at him, watching the moonlight cascade against his slightly wrinkled skin. 

“Yeah, I… I think I am.” Ellie whispered back, actually believing the sentence for the first time ever. Her honesty bled through and Joel breathed, shuffling closer to her and rubbing her shoulder with his left hand, pulling her closer. “Makes you feel small, huh?” Ellie asked, gesturing towards the stars and imagining her favorite characters racing across the sky in their superships or gliders, trails gleaming behind them like shooting stars. 

Joel didn’t want to interrupt her. So, they sat in silence, a comfortable quiet settling across them. “Yeah…” Joel remembered nights like this with Sarah when  _ she  _ couldn’t sleep. Joel wanted to know if she had another nightmare, but this new era of peace for her was calming, almost hypnotizing in a way. It was a dream come true and he didn’t want to wake up even for a second. “Y’know, Sarah loved these things, too. Could name every star in the sky.”

He’d grown more comfortable with discussing Sarah, especially since Ellie was maybe one of the only people who could relate to him in his loss. They grieved together and were there for each other when the earth was ripped from below their feet. “Really?”

“Yup. Wanted to paint my truck with ‘em. She liked art like you, too. I think you two would’ve been real good friends.” Joel whispered, his voice hushed and quiet while crickets chirped around them. It was soothing to hear something that was almost normal… something that was in the world Joel used to live in and in the many stories Ellie had heard from him. 

“Yeah, I… I think so. She seemed like a badass.” Joel let out a chuckle and nodded, frowning for a second.  _ She would’ve thought this was such a movie.  _ Joel thought somberly, looking at the cruel world around them. Sarah was always the one that would find the silver lining no matter what, something Ellie somewhat shared with her. Sarah would call this a fantasy and dream about some boy coming to save her just like those stupid movies she dragged Joel to. She’d laugh while tearing a clicker limb from limb, treating it like an enemy from those video games Tommy and her used to play. Tommy was horrible at it… but, Sarah didn’t mind. She’d laugh and kick Tommy’s ass with an innocent -yet evil- smile. 

“I think she’s up there. With my mom… and Sam and Henry… and Riley.” Ellie whispered, seeing Joel now look up at the stars. It was almost scary to think someone was watching you at all times, but Ellie thought it was scarier to know that no one was. Still, she wanted to believe that somehow, Riley and her mother -all of the people she’d lost- were still alive  _ somehow.  _ Riley would have her own room in the stars, painted with sunsets and the gorey characters of the arcade games she cherished. Ellie’s mother would have roses lining the walls with photos of what Ellie and her could’ve done together if she hadn’t died. “Watching us… and cheering us on, like those sports games you were talking about.” 

“Yeah… I think so, too.” If he could talk to Sarah, -God, he’d give anything to- he’d tell her all about Ellie… tell her what it was like to be a father again and apologize for not being able to protect her. If only he had gotten shot instead of her, if he was just a  _ little  _ bit quicker… he would have blocked it. She could still be alive, living with Tommy and Maria in Jackson and having the closest thing to a normal life. Still… Ellie would still never have met him and he didn’t know if he rathered that or Sarah being alive… 

“Sam said that it’s like another copy of Earth. Like here… everyone who got Infected returned to who they were… everyone has their own houses. Like how it was before… everything. Maybe it’s better up there.” Joel frowned, noticing Ellie tighten in his grip. He gently tickled her back, soothing her. She felt goosebumps rise under his touch and she cuddled him closer, shutting her eyes and burying her head in his chest. 

“Nah… if I can be with you, kiddo… I’ll take a million Infected. As long as we’re together.” Ellie felt a brush of warmth run through her with those words and Joel rubbed her back again, letting her relax in his arms. They stayed like that for minutes, just listening to each other’s breathing. “I love you, baby girl.” 

Joel felt Ellie smile in his chest and sigh, taking Joel’s hand and squeezing it. “I love you, too, pops.” Joel’s grin went from ear to ear when he heard that and felt Ellie’s every movement below him. She closed her eyes and began to finally fall asleep, her fingers twisted with Joel’s. She dreamed of that place above them, the sanctuary hidden in the stars. She finally had a dream for the first time in almost a year… a dream and not a nightmare. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay, so I kind of really like how this chapter came out. It's a bit short but I wanted to get ready for them to get to salt lake in the next like 2-4 chapters if you guys want that. I'm going to continue writing after they get back to jackson and beyond that maybe into a sort of season like thing, so this is season one, then jackson is season two, then something after that, etc... it depends, if you guys want to keep reading, i'll keep writing :D. if you have a request, put them in the comments and i'll respond! comments/kudos are very appreciated and there should be an update in, like, 1-2 days! maybe three since i'm visiting my brother in college this weekend and won't have my computer for the majority, and when i write on my phone, it doesn't come out good. anyway, enough rambling, have a good day!


	19. Chapter Nineteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ellie and Joel finally are less than a state away. Ellie makes them settle down for the night, still not ready to be rejected by the vaccine, or even worse, change humanity and have it all on her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ellie's inner badass is slowly coming out, either way, hope you enjoy this!

They were less than a state away. Ellie's nightmares had returned… one thought ran through her mind constantly:  _ what if all of this was for nothing?  _

"Alright, in here!" Joel ordered, gently dragging Ellie's hand behind him. Ellie followed, closing the door behind him and pushing her whole body weight against it. As Joel left to get something to block the door with, Ellie felt her body rock as Infected screamed against the door, pushing her forward.

"Joel, hurry!" She shrieked, feeling herself fall forward with each growl of the infected. Suddenly, a disgusting hand grabbed her mouth, tearing her back towards the door. Ellie screamed, making Joel's vision twist towards her.

" _ Ellie _ !" He screamed, raising his pistol and killing the clicker just before it tore in her throat. "Are you okay?" Ellie's ear rang but she nodded, feeling another bump come from the other side of the door. 

"Yeah, I'm fine, just hurry, there's more coming!" Suddenly, the weight became too much. Ellie toppled over, the door opening behind her as she fell on the ground. A runner quickly ran onto her, choking her. She growled, driving her knife into its head, feeling Joel toss the body off of her and drag her along after him. "Look, up there! Boost me up!"

"We don't know if there's more up there, Ellie."

"Joel, boost me up!” Ellie yelled, looking at the Infected approaching them. Joel sighed, chewing the inside of his gums before nodding, leaning in front of the door. “Okay.” Ellie ran up, using his hands to vault the wall. Her foot slipped and she tripped, falling through the small gap. Ellie fell against the floor with a _thud_ , letting a painful gasp escape her mouth. “... Ow.”  
“Ellie, c’mon!” Joel yelled, making Ellie jump back up to her feet with a small wave of pain in her ankles and hands. _C’mon, c’mon._ Ellie switched her light on, illuminating the door. A chair was sliced through the handles, effectively holding the door slammed shut. “Ellie!” Gunshots began to run through the air as Ellie pushed the chair from the door, throwing it open. 

“Come on!” Ellie dragged Joel through the door, looking towards the chair. “Put it in the handles, Joel!” Ellie yelled, fighting the infected, once again fighting the weight against the door. Joel scrambled to the chair, sheathing it in the door. Ellie slid against the door, a long sigh escaping her as the weight pushing against her stalled and the sounds of Infected began to muffle. 

“C’mon, only so long till they see that gap.” Ellie nodded, taking a moment before accepting Joel’s hand and letting him pull her up. “You okay?” Ellie nodded, catching her breath. She looked Joel up and down, almost expecting to see a bite mark, but… there was nothing. 

“Yeah… you?” She asked, feeling his fingers wrapping around her clammy hands. It was, once again, raining out and her hair was dripping with water as she took in the building they’d temporarily taken shelter in. 

Ellie felt pure fear running through her veins.  _ We’re here. We’re literal miles away from possibly saving all of humanity and there’s still a chance I won’t be able to do it… that all of this, David, those hunters, Winter, all of the people I’ve killed…  _ it was for nothing.  _ Meeting Joel…  _ she thought.  _ That wasn’t for nothing. If I don’t have anything else, I have that.  _

“Still breathin’.” Joel nodded, checking his body for anything. He felt fine. “Let’s try and find somethin’ to scope out where we are and wait out the rain.” Joel took Ellie’s hand, shaking the water from his hair like a dog. Ellie nodded, remaining quiet and surpassing him, gently releasing his hand as she continued ahead of him. 

Joel’s lips curled down into a frown. He scratched his beard, thinking of something he could say to make her feel better.  _ I can think of something.  _ She was so anxious of the vaccine's turn out to the point that she was very quiet, but still, small cracks of her personality shined through on good days, days that Joel and her both cherished. She hadn't had a nightmare in around a week, which was a miracle. Ellie still dozed out, but progress was slowly introducing itself to her. 

“Hey, Joel, there’s an elevator back down to the street.” Ellie replied, standing on the metal elevator. It began to shift as she stepped off of it, looking down at the four story drop. “It’s the quickest way down.” 

“It don’t look too stable.” Joel thought aloud, pressing his foot down on the elevator and hearing a small shift. “We should go one at a time.”   
Ellie swallowed, shutting her eyes, but nodding. _He’s right, this thing is no-fucking-where near stable._ “Yeah, okay… you need to go first, since you’re heavier.” Joel nodded, but before he stepped on the platform, he looked back towards Ellie. “I’ll be careful.” She sighed, placing her hands on her hips as she read his look. 

He nodded, giving her a small hug before stepping onto the elevator. “Okay, should take a couple seconds.” Ellie pressed the large button, watching as Joel slowly descended. Their eyesight stayed connected until he could no longer see her. She sat on the edge, letting her legs dangle as she watched Joel’s descent. And then, suddenly… it all went wrong. 

A horrible screech ran through the metal and the glowing button dimmed as the power cut in the elevator. “Joel?!” She called down, placing her stomach on the ground of the building and staring down, not able to see him. “Joel!” Ellie screamed, awaiting his response. 

“Y-yeah, I’m okay!” Joel roared back, bending out of the elevator to wave up at Ellie. “I… I don’t know what happened, the elevator-”  
And then, the lift screamed once again, this time causing much more trouble. The wire beside Ellie began to snap and she felt terror run through her. If the cable broke Joel would be facing a two story drop into the flooded street below. 

“No!” Ellie screeched, grabbing for the wire as it snapped, not knowing better. She instantly screamed in pain as it slipped from her palms, sending two large gashes in the center of her palms. “Shit, Joel!” Ellie cried, looking over the edge to see that the elevator had fallen. A single yell emerged from Joel as he fell down, his head emerging from the elevator one last time before it collapsed into the water, silencing his screams. “No, Joel!” Ellie sobbed, waiting for him to re-emerge. “ _ JOEL _ !” She screamed again, cries wracking her. 

Finally, she saw him emerge from the water, grabbing his old wound. “Joel, are you okay?!” She whimpered, hiding her hands in her chest. She could barely see Joel’s face but she saw him paddling, crushing her hopes.  _ I can’t get down there… no, I don’t care, I’ll climb down. I’m getting down there.  _

“Y-yeah… I think so!” He yelled back, clinging to one of the posts of the now broken elevator. He coughed up a spurt of water, looking back towards Ellie. 

“I’m gonna climb down!” Ellie whined, beginning to stand and move towards the posts, noticing drops of blood dripping from her palms. 

“No, don’t! It’s too high, you could fall!”   
“You just fucking fell!” Ellie screamed back, hearing a thump from behind her. _No. No, no, you’re shitting me._ Ellie thought, looking back down to Joel. “Joel, the door… they’re breaking the door down!” Ellie saw Joel try to climb back up the pipe only to slip back down. “Shit, Joel!” 

“I know, I know! Are there any stairs?!” Joel called up, treading through the freezing water as Ellie ripped shards of her shirt, tying them around each palm. Blood was dripping down her arms subtly as the bumping continued, suddenly breaking into a roar. 

“No, t-they’re in! Joel!” Ellie took a deep breath, bringing her bag onto her shoulders and looking down, swallowing at the blood-stopping fall. “I… I need to climb it, Joel!” 

“I know… fuck, I know! Okay, just… be as careful as you can, baby girl!” Ellie whimpered, scared at his answer. He was supposed to have an answer and he failed her.  _ Help. Do something.  _ Suddenly, a clicker broke through the door, quickly sensing Ellie’s crying. 

“N-no.” Ellie stutered, looking between the miniscule hoard and the fatalistic choice of climbing down. “Fuck.” Ellie swore in anger, seeing her only choice was climbing down or slowly being eaten alive. Just as the clicker began to tear her hair, she jumped onto the top of the pole, clinging to it like a life-line. It was a large metal rod that had an array like a fence traveling down it, making it barely climbable. Wind blew through her hair from the tall altitude as she cried, hugging the metal. “Shit…”

“It’s okay, Ellie! Just focus on your footing, I’m right here!”  _ Don’t look down, don’t look down.  _ Ellie sniffled, slowly moving her foot down but quickly slipping. She let out a shrill scream, pushing her foot back up to its original footing. 

“Joel, I… I can’t do this!” Ellie yelled down, looking at the clickers and Infected staring at her from where she had jumped. “It’s too far!” Doubt ran through her while she scratched her shaky finger against the metal wrapping the large pole and took a deep breath, trying to calm herself.  _ I’m done acting like a fucking baby… but, fuck…  _

“No, you can do this, baby girl! Just look at me! Look at me!” Ellie squinted her eyes closed, looking down towards Joel with a whimper. He saw her frightened eyes and he cringed inside, feeling as if he’d been stabbed directly through the heart. “Just focus on my voice.” Ellie nodded shakily, trying to lower herself again. She successfully stepped down, making her way halfway to the next level with cries interrupting her. “Focus on me, Ellie, you’re okay!”

“I’m okay… I’m okay, I’m okay… okay…” Ellie breathed shakily, moving once again. Her new cuts stung against the metal and her left arm slipped, making her let out another sob. Ellie hugged the metal column, shutting her eyes. Her bag began slipping from her shoulders, but she was too frightened to grab for it. It fell from her back, letting out a small  _ splash  _ as it landed beside Joel. “Oh… oh, God.” Ellie opened her eyes again, able to see nearly everything from how high up she was.

It was  _ so fucking high up.  _ Strangely, Ellie was mesmerized by the beautiful sight of the city and took in the view.  _ Can’t beat the view.  _ Suddenly, Joel’s voice pulled her out of her strange second of piece and she regrettably looked down towards him, seeing she was at least thirty feet up. 

“It’s okay, Ellie! Just listen to my voice!” Joel yelled again, flinging her bag around his shoulders restlessly. Every cell in his body was pushing him up as he watched Ellie frantically climb down, somehow moving agonizingly slowly and painstakingly fast at the same time. “It’s okay, baby girl.”   
Ellie shut her eyes, moving down again. She was just above the second floor. She would probably survive if she jumped… part of her almost considered it. “I’m okay, I’m okay, I’m okay, I’m okay.” Ellie hypnotized herself, moving down once again. Her jeans caught on the fence, sticking her to the metal. “No, no… no.” Ellie temporarily released one of her hands, freeing her jeans. A shrill scream escaped her lips as she almost fell, instantly putting her hand back on the metal. Her palms hurt from the cuts and they dragged her down, literally. 

“Fuck.” Ellie snarled, looking down to him. Ellie looked around, taking a deep breath. She could see the hospital from the tall height and smiled, praying someone was actually there. 

She could see his face now and it was twisted in  _ terror.  _ Wrinkles deepened in his skin as he looked up at Ellie, her bag on his shoulders. He continued treading and suddenly, Ellie realized. “How… how am I going to get out of the water?” Ellie asked him, deep breaths between each of her words. She moved down again, now just above the first floor.  _ I’m almost there… I almost made it.  _

Ellie looked back up at where she had first jumped. “Oh, my God.” Ellie whispered in terror as she saw the second in which a clicker jumped for the building, surfing the air looking directly for her. Ellie thought it had missed her… it had, but it hadn’t missed her foot. Ellie felt herself being dragged down quickly, pulling the last of her strength rapidly. Ellie felt her other foot slip and she let out a horrible screech, looking down to the clicker and trying to kick it off. It moved its teeth towards her leg, waiting to bite down. Just as its teeth began to press against her flesh, a  _ swish  _ ran through the air as an arrow pressed through the clicker’s head, bringing an end to its existence. 

“Are you okay?!” Joel yelled, looking up towards Ellie’s closer frame. Her feet were dangling in the air as her exhausted muscles tried to pull herself back up, failing miserably. 

“I… I can’t pull myself up, Joel!” She yelled, once again attempting with a small grunt to pull herself up. 

“It’s okay, it’s okay.” He looked up to her. She was around ten to twelve feet up. Ellie had scaled down most of the building successfully, being caught at the last second. “Ellie, you… you need to jump down! You’re tirin’ yourself out!” Ellie looked down towards him, a shocked expression on her face. 

“Are you fucking insane?!” Ellie screamed, one of her fingers slipping from the fence. “No!” Ellie cried, her right hand quickly slipping from the fence. She now only held on by her left hand, desperate gasps escaping her lips. “Joel, I… I can’t get up! I’m slipping!”

“Ellie, ya need to let go, I’ll catch you!” Joel ordered gently, raising his hands towards her. “I promise, I’ll catch you!” The metal had begun to claw into Ellie’s skin in a painful matter, only making her slip quicker. And then, she fell. A horrible scream rang through the air as she sailed through the air, her hair whipping around her. 

It felt like she was in slow motion as she fell, the blue sky above her pretending as if it’d be the last thing she saw.  _ “ELLIE _ !” Joel yelled, letting the water break her fall as she slammed into it, a horrible  _ smack  _ running through the air. 

Coldness surrounded her as dark water filled her vision, blinding her. At first, she thought she was dead, but it was when she felt arms scooping around her that her fate was thankfully unsealed.  _ I… I’m still alive?  _ Water ran through her nose as she was lifted out of the water, Joel now standing on his tiptoes. “Are you okay, are you alright?” He asked frantically, looking over every inch of her as she coughed up the water, tears still screaming down her face. 

Ellie was silent for a moment before she nodded, looking back up towards the building. Strangely, a large smile spread across her lips and she let out a deep breath, grinning. “You okay?” 

“That was fucking intense… I fucking climbed a building.” Ellie smirked, feeling a small flow of pride run through her. Joel breathed, relieved that she wasn’t panicked and terrified. It was strange to see her like this after all they had been through.

“Yeah, s’pose that was pretty cool.” Joel smiled for a second but retracted when he saw Ellie wince in pain, hiding her hands in her chest.“What’s wrong?” He frowned, taking his hands and wincing when he saw small gashes spread across each of her palms.

“My hands, I… I tried to grab the wire, w-when you fell and…” Ellie let out a small whisper of pain, exposing the burns on the center of her hands. Joel winced at the sight, covering them back up with the cloth. 

“Okay… let’s find somewhere dry. Reckon we gotta stop ‘n sleep anyhow.” Ellie nodded, hiding herself in Joel’s arms as he moved them through the flooded street, escaping the dreaded building they’d both nearly died in. 

She was hiding her hands in her chest. Joel nodded, not even caring. Ellie was strangely quiet and looked around them, visually sketching their environment. Joel kissed her forehead gently, scanning their environment. 

"Okay… let's find somewhere to fix ourselves up first." Joel whispered, looking down at her. Her hands were wrapped around his neck, pressing her to his chest like how an ape carried its child. "You're okay now." Joel promised, looking out at the flooded street. "There, there we go." Joel whispered to himself, spotting what looked like a coffee shop on the other side of the street. "How are your hands?"

"They hurt…" Ellie shrugged, pushing them into Joel's back to qualm the pain slightly. Joel pushed through the water, half of him dunked in the water. Ellie's waist and feet were dipped in as well. 

Wind whipped around them, making Joel and Ellie feel as if they would freeze. It was cold in the water and Ellie felt the water washing off dried blood from her skin. Her cries had retreated to sniffles as Joel led them to the shop, shoving the door open. 

Water fell off of them as they exited the freeze. Joel stepped into the store, Ellie in his arms. She slipped herself out of his grip, walking towards a chair that laid on the ground. Ellie laid it upright and sat in it, holding her hands close to her. Her eyes fluttered in exhaustion as she hung her head, rubbing her hands gently. She stood up straight, strangely aware of what she was doing and what was happening around her which was rare in these situations. "Okay, I'll be right back. I'm gon' make sure everything's clear." 

Ellie nodded, watching him go up the stairs and then looking back outside, watching the flooded streets wash with water. It was very peaceful, which Ellie didn’t trust.  _ Where are all of the fireflies? Wouldn’t they have heard us if they were doing patrols? What if they aren’t there?  _

Joel sighed, nodding and venturing further into the coffee shop to the second floor. Ellie clenched her hands, raising the pain. She squeezed her eyes shut, seeing herself dangling from the tower, seconds from death. 

She thought of St. Mary's, frowning when she thought of the hospital. Ellie sometimes felt like a burden to Joel, remembering all of the times Joel had had to save her ass in the past month. She looked down at her hands, letting out another sniffle. Ellie squeezed her hands once again, hissing in pain when she did. 

She heard Joel's footsteps on the floor above and she calmed a small bit, releasing her hands from her death grip and letting drops of blood ooze from her palms. Joel began descending back down the stairs, catching Ellie's small cuts instantly. His eyebrows knitted together in hurt and he sighed, taking her hands and kissing the tips of her fingers, making them warm. “It’s better now… it just… I thought you were dead.” 

“Baby girl, you know me. I’m too goddamn stubborn to die.” He whispered, somehow getting a small laugh to release from her and somehow seemed lighter than a second before. She was less terrified than what usually occurred in these situations, which Joel saw as a victory . He sighed, stretching her hands out and looking at the rips in her flesh. 

“Joel…” She called, making him look up towards her as he began cleaning her wounds. She frowned for a second when he rubbed a damp rag over the palm, cleaning the blood from her marred scars. Ellie’s breath shuddered as she looked down, rubbing her arms and looking out the window, thinking of what they’d face tomorrow. “Do… do you think it’ll hurt?”

“What will?” He asked gently, watching as Ellie looked back down to her hands, seeing Joel slowly bandage them with care. Her gaze returned to the rapid flooding outside the broken windows, looking at a red cross faintly visible a couple of miles away. 

“If they make a cure… do you think it’s going to hurt a lot?” Ellie questioned him, meeting his eyes directly for the first time since they had entered the coffee shop. “Marlene said it would probably hurt.” Ellie whispered softly, her breath echoing across her own hands. She shivered once again, feeling Joel rub her back. 

“No, I… I think they’ll jus’ take some blood. Just a shot and done…” Joel whispered, seeing that she clearly hadn’t said everything on her mind. Joel traced her jawline with his finger, making her look in his direction. “We’re gonna be okay, Ellie.”

“I know…” Ellie muttered, her mind plagued with visions of Riley.  _ What would she think about all of this? What if she’d come along with Tess, Joel and I? Would Winter still have happened? What if Marlene hadn’t been shot? Will there even be a cure? Was there even a point to all of this?  _

“Okay… let’s get into some dry clothes.” Joel whispered, dragging a pair of clothes out of his bag and handing them to Ellie. She nodded, almost in a trance as he went to the second floor to change as well. Ellie stripped down to her undergarments, taking a look at her own body. She looked at the plethora of scars that now lined her skin, feeling a tear trail down her skin. 

She traced her finger over her throat where David had choked her, then down to her chest where he had violated her. Her finger trailed down to her abdomen, massaging the scar where the piece of glass had entered her. Finally she looked down, remembering with burning eyes what David had done to her. Ellie let out a small peep, slowly dressing herself. She slipped socks onto her feet, pushing each leg through a pair of jeans she’d found. Next, she slipped a gray shirt over her with one of Joel’s flannels above it, filling her with his presence. Lastly, she took her hair out, keeping her hands nestled in it just like so many hunters had done over their trip… what  _ David  _ had done. 

Ellie quickly tied it up, letting strands frame her face beautifully. Ellie climbed the steps, opening one of the doors that was in the plethora of rooms and found a bed, laying in it and feeling a body of guilt sleep next to her. The body morphed, changing shape from Riley to David to all of the people she’d killed… then finally, it morphed into each of the Infected, reminding her that the world literally rested on her shoulders.  _ I can stop this.  _

A shift in the floorboards alerted her, but she didn’t even bother looking. She heard a deep sigh and eventually, the bed sank. An arm rested on her and she turned around, seeing Joel staring at her with a painful face. “Oh… baby.” 

Ellie hid herself in his chest, suddenly becoming quiet. Usually, she’d cry, but… she had no tears left. They’d been drawn out over the horrors she’d faced on the way to Salt Lake and… they were there. They actually made it. 

Joel wrapped his arms arounds feeling her take a shaky breath and shut her eyes, taking in his smell. “It’s alright.” 

“I know.” She whispered, actually believing it for the first time ever. Her voice was hoarse and she felt Joel rub her hair, itching it gently. Ellie felt a pit in her stomach as she thought to the future, fearing it horribly. “I… I’m scared, Joel.” She peeped, making Joel’s throat close around him in a terrible moment of dread as he shook his head against her, pulling her closer in the bed and covering her with the thin blankets. 

“I know… but I promise, whatever happens tomorrow, you’ll be okay. I’ll be right here the entire time.” Joel promised, sitting her up on his lap and feeling her instantly dive around him, small gasps escaping from her as the tears began to roll down her. “It’s okay, baby girl.” 

“Do… do you promise that we’ll be together?” Ellie whispered softly, feeling Joel’s warm breath cascade across her neck, sending tingles down her spine. He sighed, framing her tiny face with his large hands. 

“I swear on my life… nothing’s going to happen to you or me. We can go back to Jackson, or wherever you want.” Joel promised, crossing his heart. A small smile spread across her face and she nodded slowly, looking up at Joel with a sniffle. He brushed her cheek, clearing the tears from it and kissing her forehead gently. She felt a small smile creep up her lips subtly, feeling Joel press her into his chest. 

“J-Jackson… that sounds good.” 

“Jackson it is.” Joel announced, feeling Ellie slowly recoil herself back into his grip and gently push him down on the pillow, cuddling in his grip. “Hm, you’re adorable.” Joel smirked, watching as Ellie pulled herself into his grip, resting her head below his chin. Joel felt her breathing begin to slow and he pulled the covers up to her neck, covering himself as well. Her body was warm against his. He placed his hand on her back, feeling it rise and fall with each breath. He relished the feeling, squeezing his eyes shut and just focusing on her breaths.  _ We really made it…  _

It had been a nightmare of a trip, but all that mattered was both of them had come out okay. Ellie survived and so did he, even if she made it out by the skin of her teeth. He had nearly lost her  _ so many times.  _ Winter, the bloater, the assholes hunters they’d come into contact with, that tower… it was all too close and he thanked whatever God allowed them to survive. “Hey… Joel?” She whispered quietly, looking up at him for a second, feeling his beard brush against her forehead and tickle her. 

“Yeah, kiddo?” He asked, his voice soft and gentle as sleep began to lull both of them away from consciousness. Ellie hid her face back in his chest, taking in his scent and shakily replied.

“I… I love you.” She whispered, actually wanting to hear his response this time. Joel felt a small smile crack upon his lips and he kissed the top of her head lovingly, feeling her small hand grasp his. She anxiously awaited his response, thoughts of rejection hiding in her. 

“I love you, too, baby girl.” For the first time in nearly a year, she slept well. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry, it's been a while. my friendgroup -everyone beside me- kinda tested positive, so i'm... kinda elsewhere right now. there should be another update in like 1-2 days, but i'm not really focused and really want to be in a good state of mind for these next chapters. also, i need to be there for my friends, so im not very sure what's happening rn.


	20. birthday

hey, guys! it's my birthday so no update today! my friends and i found a zombie themed escape room and we're all going in our last of us cosplays because we're NERDS. i'm dina, my friend's ellie, my other guy friend dressed up as jessie and of course my two crackhead friends attempted joel and ellie. i'll try to put a pic in lmao. anyway, no chapter today! requests still open! have a good day :D


	21. Chapter Twenty One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Joel and Ellie run into someone on the road.

They were walking in silence, but it was a much more peaceful silence than it had previously been ever since that winter. Ellie had a tiny smile painted on her lips, one that was noticed by Joel. She seemed a little lighter than the Ellie he had become used to and because of that both of them were in a better mode. It seemed she was finally able to start to move on from what had happened to her in Winter. “Hey, Ellie.” 

Ellie looked up, looking forward towards Joel and noticing the map in his hands. She sped up, catching up with him and taking the left side of the map in her hands and inspecting it. Scrawls and small labels were drawn in Joel’s handwriting, along with notes in Ellie’s from during the winter. A dark red ‘x’ stood where Ellie had killed David to the point the point on the map wasn’t even visible. “‘Nother week and a half, maybe two… should be in Salt Lake.”  
“Really?” Ellie asked in wonder, noticing the large circle around their dreaded yet wonderful destination. Ellie grew more anxious the closer they approached as she had so much guilt riding on her. Part of her almost guessed that nothing would come out of it, but the rest of her wouldn’t let herself accept it. _There has to be a cure._ Joel was grateful to be done with the trip, especially after the university. 

“Mhm.” Joel nodded, slipping the map back into his bag. Ellie sighed, her mind leading her back towards the vaccine. She was so worried that it would’ve all been for nothing. If there _was_ no cure, she’d feel horrible for the rest of her days. Even if one of the doctors told her straight: ‘there is no cure,’ she would still think it was something that _she_ had done wrong. Ellie already thought that she’d never be able to be with someone… romantically. With one chomp of her teeth, another life would end. Who in the hell would _ever_ take a risk like that for her? Maybe Joel, but of course, she never would have to worry about that with him besides his rare kisses on her forehead. Ellie wondered if she made it worse by kissing Riley in those last moments, after they’d both gotten bitten… _did she make her pain worse?_ “Hey.” Joel shook Ellie, bringing her eyes to his. “No matter what happens, we do it together, okay? Cure or not, we go back to Jackson, get what bit of a normal life we can.”  
_Normal. After everything we’ve been through. Everything_ I’ve _done. Okay, Joel._ “I know… I know.” Ellie sighed, nodding her head and returning to her thoughts. Joel heaved a deep sigh, shaking his head and looking down towards the road. He hoped this would end after they made it to Salt Lake City: Ellie was so anxious and circumstantial now that the vaccine was becoming nearer and nearer. 

“So, um…” Joel’s voice brought her back and looked down at her once again, trying to think of something to say to take her mind off of everything that she was dreading but hoping for at the same time. “Y’know, Sarah and I crossed the country one time?” Ellie looked up in curiosity, which Joel nodded to. “Yeah, we, uh… Tommy, Sarah and I. Went to some big football thing in New York once. Couple of states away.” 

“Football?” Ellie asked, her voice raised in confusion. Ellie let out an exhale, shaking his head.  _ Poor kid.  _ He thought, mourning Ellie’s loss of what used to be common knowledge and traditions. The world was so much more bleak. Sure, there was school, one of the only privileges that even existed anymore besides the clothes on your back and something that resembled a roof over your head. 

“Remember those sports I told ya about?” Ellie nodded, recalling the family sporting events he had reminisced her about a week ago. She found it fascinating, but it also seemed like uncovering those memories brought him pain. The dust that they had collected was a shield and he violently tore it away from his mind suddenly, sharing it with Ellie. “Well, football was a pretty big one back then. There were teams and a big field. The teams’ goals was to get the ball to the opponent’s side of the field… but, the enemy team had to block ya from gettin’ to it. Damn, Tommy and I went crazy over it.” 

“Do you kick the ball?” Ellie asked, to which Joel shook his head. Her eyebrows knitted together in confusion and she looked down at the fractured road then back up to Joel. Abandoned cars comforted the pair on the long forgotten highway, giving Joel a sense of sadness. It was as if everything was a trigger for that night. He thought of the blocked highway in pain, wondering what might’ve happened if he’d just woken up an hour earlier and gotten Sarah out just a little bit sooner. “Wait, so… why was it called football, then?”

“I dunno… just was.” Joel shrugged, realizing Ellie was right: their society was very strange all the way back then, but it was just how things were. It was a set gaggle of rules and you could argue against them, but it didn’t get changed. They were scrawled in stone. “In some other countries they had different names for it.” 

“Weird…” Ellie muttered, her face scrunched up with confusion. Eventually, nature called and she had to use the bathroom. “Hey, Joel, I gotta…” Ellie trailed her sentence but Joel caught her and nodded, gesturing towards the woods and watching her slowly slink off in the woods, still able to hear her footsteps, though. 

Joel sighed, looking around them. Ellie was quieter now that they were a little less than two days away from Salt Lake. Stress was palpable in her face… but it was better than it had been with David. The stress, ironically, took her mind off of what she’d been through over their journey. 

It was early in the morning, maybe eleven or twelve. Joel always liked to get an early start on things because most of the time, other people didn’t and both of them wanted to avoid any hunters like the plague. 

Suddenly, footsteps appeared behind him and he spun around, seeing the tip of a gun pointed at him. Just as he was thinking of the bastards, three hunters appeared before him. Joel heard the cock of a gun and a second of silence fell through them. Joel let out a deep sigh, an inner breath of rage running through his lungs. “Hands where I can see ‘em. Throw your weapon.” 

Joel snarled but obliged, finding a small amount of solace in the fact that Ellie was safe. “Search him.” One of the men ordered and suddenly, Joel felt himself being pushed to the ground and his bag being taken from him. He heard a crack in the woods beside him but thankfully, the hunters didn’t seem to hear. Their loaded guns made Joel pray that Ellie stayed in their spot until they dropped their guard. “Where are you from?” Joel remained silent, his eyes seeing a small pair looking back from him from behind a tree. He subtly shook his head, his eyes warning the other pair to stay. “I’m talking to you, asshole!” Joel felt his ribs being kicked and suddenly, a gunshot went off. 

The main hunter fell to the ground beside Joel, a large bloody, gaping hole running through his forehead. Joel’s eyes widened and suddenly, two more shots went off towards the woods. “ _ No _ !” Joel roared, but couldn’t get up due to one of the men standing on him. 

Shots fired towards the tree Ellie hid behind but another shot fired from the woods, letting Joel know Ellie was alive, at least. He tried to get up but was once again pushed to the ground. Ellie let another shot escape and one more body fell just near the treeline, a few feet from Ellie’s hiding place. Joel pushed against the weight but was forced down, praying that Ellie would take the last hunter. 

Suddenly, a gun was to Joel’s head and the hunter was using him as a hostage. Joel struggled against the grip but failed, listening to the hunter’s panicked breath. “Come out or I shoot!” He screamed, waving his gun at Joel then the treeline. Finally, Ellie raised her hands, walking out of the woods with a glare and a splash of blood on her cheek. She had a deadly look of pure hatred when she looked at the man, one which Joel frowned at as he knew what she was remembering. “Drop your weapon.” The hunter snarled, watching Ellie drop her weapon and look down to the ground, ashamed to meet Joel’s eyes. “On your knees.”  
“Fuck you.” The hunter dragged Joel towards Ellie and pushed Ellie to the ground, her knees buckling and forcing her onto them. Joel growled, struggling once again against the grip but the hunter pulled his hair, making him even more furious. 

As Joel fought with the hunter, Ellie quickly took the opportunity before her and launched herself forward, pushing the hunter down to the ground. He yelped and began to run towards Ellie, his pistol in his hands. Joel blocked her from him, protectively standing in front of her. A moment of silence ran over them as they all looked into each other’s eyes, pure hatred in their irises. “You fucking assholes.” The hunter growled, cocking the gun and pointing it towards Joel. Ellie widened her eyes, trying to get ahead of him but Joel’s strong grip held her behind him. “You killed all of my fucking friends, you little  _ bitch _ .” Joel furrowed his eyebrows, suddenly moving towards the hunter… and that was when the gun went off. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks so much for reading everyone! i think it's going to be like 1-2 chapters until Salt Lake, so if you have any last minute requests, now's the time. I plan on doing more after Salt Lake, so you'll be able to do asks after the next couple of chapters. Thanks for reading!


	22. Chapter Thirty One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ellie and Joel recover from a hunter attack.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAPPY HALLOWEEN! I linked my costume in the front of the chapter, i dressed up as dina. tho i didn't do any of my makeup or hair in that pic so it doesn't look as good. what did you guys dress up as?

this is my dina costume and makeup :) what do you guys think :D 

“ _ JOEL _ !” Ellie screamed, running towards him as the bullet struck his shoulder, sending him back towards the ground. He fell, leaving the hunter with the murderous spirit of Ellie. She met the hunter’s eyes and it seemed the grown man almost cowered under her sight. Suddenly, Ellie took her bat from her bag, beating the man’s arm with it. He cried out, falling to the ground beside Joel, yelling as Ellie continued to beat him. Then, Joel held his hand up, shaking his head as he watched blood spray onto Ellie’s face.

Ellie turned toward Joel, dropping the bat and completely forgetting the long dead body below her. “Joel.” She whispered, running towards him and dropping to her knees beside him, moving his head onto her lap. As protective as Joel was of Ellie, that love increased tenfold with her. Joel was the  _ only  _ thing she had and even though it was the same for him, she was hurt too many times before to lose someone she loved as much as him again. “Hey.” 

Joel looked up at her, squeezing his eyes shut then opening them again. “Yeah, I’m okay… I’m good.” Joel tried to get up but she quickly pushed him back down to rest his head on her legs when he yelped in pain. “Really-”  
“Stay the fuck down.” She ordered quickly, swinging her bag from her back and zipping it open, pulling different things out that could help Joel. Blood dripped from her hands when she pulled out tweezers and different medical supplies. Joel gulped when he saw them, knowing what was next, though, he let his face harden. Ellie was scared shitless, seeing him with a bullet lodged in his shoulder and he didn’t want her to be so nervous. 

“Alright, ya gotta pull it out, kiddo.” Joel gritted his teeth, preparing himself as Ellie nodded nervously, taking the tweezers and gently unbuttoning the top of Joel’s shirt, revealing his blood-soaked shoulder. “‘T’s okay, keep a steady… steady hand.” Joel whispered, seeing her hands shake as she placed her hands at the edge of the wound, the tweezers waiting to explore the bullet-wound. 

“Okay, just… sorry in advance.” Joel looked up just to see Ellie plunge the metal into his skin. He concealed his screams for Ellie’s sake. If he tried, he knew he could remember Sarah’s screams if he tried. That or Ellie’s cries from the winter months, or her pleas for him to wake up during Autumn. So, he kept his mouth shut beside a continuous yelp when Ellie fished for the bullet. “I know, I’m sorry.” She whispered, squeezing her eyes when the trigger latched onto the bullet. 

“You… pull it out slow.” Joel huffed through the pain, squeezing his eyes tightly when Ellie nodded, pulling out with an agonizing pace. Ellie felt as if her own veins were strangling her when she listened to Joel, his pain lingering out in the air like an infection. “It’s okay.” He groaned, mostly trying to reassure her and her trembling hands. Ellie almost smiled at that, smirking at how two-faced he could be. To her, he was a teddy bear: a big oversized dog that took her in entirely at a sniffle… but to others, he was like a cobra, shaking and attacking whenever he could, desperate to protect what he loved so dearly and not to lose another daughter. “I’m good.”

“That’s the biggest lie.” Ellie laughed for a second, continuing to draw the bullet out as Joel clenched his teeth. Finally, it was out. Blood began to slowly weep through his skin and Ellie quickly dropped the bullet, taking the needle and thread and using it to sew the skin closed, cringing with each second. “I’m right here.”  
_Is this kid baby talking to me?_ Joel asked himself, looking over to Ellie with a momentary smirk. “Okay, one more…” Joel groaned, watching her tie off the stitch and look up to him, looking for any sign of peace on his face. “Good job…” Joel whispered, nodding his head and feeling a stray hair being affectionately tucked behind his ear. He smiled, slowly rising to his own seat on the ground.

“Here, got a little bit of painkillers left.” Ellie whispered, pulling out a small bottle of penicillin and a syringe, letting the metal take in the medicine. “Might hurt.” Ellie’s hands shook slightly as she lined up the needle and memories of that winter suddenly resurfaced, only if it was just for a minute. Joel frowned, taking the needle from Ellie’s hands. She grabbed for it again but he gently swatted her away, seeing her injured eyes. 

“It’s okay, baby girl.” He whispered, caressing her cheek before slowly injecting the medicine, feeling a small bit of relief run through his body. He knew it’d be very sore the next day, but it just meant he’d have to take it easier, something he knew that Ellie would force him to do. 

“Sorry…” She whispered, looking around them. The bodies of the hunters painted the road and Ellie cringed, realizing she didn’t even flinch when she sent the lead flying into their bodies. All that mattered to her was Joel and it scared her…  _ what if something happens to him, what… what if he leaves? No, he won’t, he wouldn’t.  _

“How is it?” Ellie asked, placing a bandage over his shoulder gently. He hitched his breath at the pressure, holding his hand over the wound with tender pain. Ellie buttoned his shirt once again and frowned, looking him in the eyes before standing, helping him up. 

“Hurts… but should be okay.” Ellie nodded, grateful to hear that Joel wasn’t in terribly agonizing pain, but she still cringed at his quick breaths. Joel’s hand clung to the bullet wound and Ellie looked around, seeing blood on her own hands with a sickening feeling. “Are you okay?” Joel asked softly, taking Ellie’s palm with his free hand. He squeezed it, pulling her back. She looked to him and nodded, nestling her head in his neck as they slowly continued to walk. 

“Yeah…” Ellie sighed, reloading the bullets in her gun, switching the safety back on, and hiding the gun in her back pocket, keeping it accessible. “Yeah.” She repeated, nodding and slowly taking her head from his chest, continuing to walk. Joel sighed, wincing at the pain in his arm. “Are you sure you don’t wanna just set up camp? You’ll make it worse if we keep going, Joel.” 

He sighed and eventually nodded. The bloody bullet was left behind on the road but there was a muted pain in his shoulder he couldn’t shake. Beside that, the sky was beginning to dim and after six straight hours of walking, they were beginning to dwindle. “Yeah, I… suppose that wouldn’t be a bad idea.” 

Joel nodded, looking for somewhere that they could set camp up that was at least a little hidden. A small grove in the trees ran to her and she nodded, taking Joel’s hand and dragging him towards it. She sat him down on a log, pulling the tent they’d found from the back of his bag. She began setting it up, giving Joel a sense of pride of how she didn’t complain for even a second.  _ You’re too damn old for your age.  _

“Hey, I can help.” He got up but a pain spread to his shoulder when he tried to move it. Ellie rushed over, setting him back down and looking at the wound once again. “Really, I’m fine, it ain’t even hurting that much.” Ellie rolled her eyes, wishing she could handcuff Joel to the log to keep his ego at bay. 

“Yeah, let’s just wait until you get an infection or pass out on me, okay.” Ellie replied snarkily, returning to setting up the tent. Marlene said that when she was a girl -maybe nine or ten, just before the outbreak- she was a ‘girl scout,’ whatever that was. So, she taught Ellie what she knew. Knots, survival tips, how to set up shelter from sticks and logs. It came in handy in the world they lived in and ever since then, Marlene had become their own troop. Ellie called it Troop 123 because she found it funny due to the simplicity. “Just, I can do this.” Ellie sighed, quickly having the tent made up, even if a few pieces protruded incorrectly from the canvas. 

Ellie took their large sleeping bag and laid it in the tent. Ellie had made sure they only had one sleeping bag on purpose after the events of winter. She didn’t want to be alone during the night. She didn’t want to be left as a meal for her night terrors to pick on and munch on in seconds… with Joel, it felt like she had a fighting chance. When they were pressed so close together, she could hide in his arms and pretend everything was okay… even if it wasn’t. And it was the same for Joel. If he was reliving  _ that night _ , feeling the faint touch of Ellie right next to him as Sarah died before him -or in some cases,  _ Ellie did _ \- made him almost feel comfort. 

“Where’d ya learn to do all this?” Joel asked her as she began to make a fire, rubbing two sticks together until a spark flew from them, igniting the small pile of wood beneath it. Joel watched her with pride, seeing that she had quickly assembled a camp. She sat down beside Joel in front of the fire, thinking back to the QZ. 

“Marlene taught me, and… and winter.” She said ‘winter’ like it was a knife stuck in her throat and Joel frowned, opening his arm for her. She took it, cuddling in his chest and looking at the fire. A warm light flared on both of their faces, making the cold evaporate slightly. 

“Well, you’re doin’ good. Reckon any other teenager’d be whining their ass off.” Ellie snickered, remembering the tools she’d had to go to school with other than Riley. They were  _ so  _ privileged, showing off their ration cards and their fancy belongings while Riley and Ellie had to scrounge in the garbage and steal their leftovers. It was dehumanization. 

“Yeah.” She replied, slinking his sleeve down once again and inspecting his wound. He hissed in pain when she peeled the bandage back, thankful to see the wound hadn’t gotten infected. “Man, we showed them, huh?” She asked, placing a clean strap of bandage around his arm with concern. 

“Mhm.” Joel smirked, remembering with hatred how the hunters had shot at Ellie- shot at  _ his daughter. Even if there is a vaccine, if she can make one… will things go back to normal? People’ve done things,  _ we’ve  _ done things that… we can’t take back. I don’t want her to be disappointed.  _ Ellie’s stomach suddenly let out a feral growl and Joel laughed, making Ellie send him a playful glare.

“Really need to learn how to mute that thing.” Ellie squirmed with a frown, watching Joel move to get their bag. They were both starving after hours of walking and Ellie was -as usual these days- anxious as they got closer and closer to Salt Lake. They were maybe a week away and Ellie’s gut was filled with ‘what if’s.’  _ What if it doesn’t work, what if something happens to us, what if no one is there, what if they have to kill me, will I be able to make that decision… leave Joel behind to save everyone? I’d have to… but it’d destroy him. I couldn’t. Fuck.  _ Joel did what he could but there was no stopping her mind from terrorizing her. 

“Reckon we better eat anyhow.” Joel shrugged, pulling out an old bag of jerky they had found and a can of warm carrots. It wasn’t exactly appetizing, but it would keep their stomachs full and that was a privilege in the world they lived in. 

“What is this stuff?” Ellie asked, opening the bag of jerky and taking out a strip, smelling it curiously. It smelled somewhat good, which was confusing to her. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d eaten something that looked even remotely appetizing. “Smells okay.”

“It’s meat.” Ellie smiled, her mouth hanging open in sudden want. She hadn’t had any sort of meats or animal since she was an infant, but she remembered the taste and its delicious flavor. “It’s supposed to have preservables or somethin’, so it should be pretty good. Go ahead, try one.” Joel chuckled, seeing Ellie’s excitement. She quickly inhaled one of the pieces, letting a wide smile spread across her face.  _ It’s delicious.  _ “Ya like it?” Joel grinned, seeing her hand immediately go for another one. 

“Are you fucking kidding? This is amazing compared to the other shit we eat.” Ellie handed Joel a piece, watching his smile begin to grow with the amazing taste. It still had the flavour of the apocalypse hidden in it, but compared to cans of peaches and rotten vegetables, it was like heaven. 

“Yeah, well… don’t eat all of it, you’ll get sick.” 

“I’ll get sick if I can eat more of this.” Ellie whispered, taking another piece before Joel took the bag from her packing it away. She frowned, watching him with a puppy face. He shook his head, smiling at the attempt. 

“Save some for later. Here.” Ellie frowned as she opened the can of peaches, taking a plastic fork from Joel, who had already begun eating a long forgotten can of beans. “Hey. When we get to Jackson after all this… they have actual kitchens. Stoves, microwaves… actual food.”  
“That’ll be a nice fucking change.” Ellie smiled, spooning one of the dull peaches into her mouth and letting a little spill over her lips. Joel smiled, taking a handkerchief and wiping her mouth. “God, do you think they’ll have showers, Joel?” 

“I hope so for your sake.”

“Hey! You don’t smell too great either.” Ellie pouted, wrinkling her nose and finally finishing the peaches. She threw the can into the now dark sky, hearing it clink. Ellie let out a cavernous yawn and Joel mussied her hair, giving her a small smile. 

“Think it’s time we get some shuteye, kiddo.” He smirked, leading her towards their sleeping bag. The fire lived on her cheeks as she yawned again, nodding. The sleeping bag was now protruding from the tent just so that Joel could see Ellie as she hid inside of it, sleep quickly overtaking her. 

Ellie was instantly asleep, her hair blowing in the slight wind. Joel sighed, wiping the food from his lips and gently setting down his food, careful not to make any noise. He watched Ellie’s expressions move in her dreams, though this one didn’t seem to be a bad dream. Her breathing was regulated and her body didn’t tremble like usual. 

He allowed himself a small smile and moved closer to her, just close enough to be there if anything were to happen. His own sleep was taking over him and he knew in a matter of minutes he would be gone. 

It had been a strange year for him. Both the best and worst since the outbreak. Losing Tess, having to see Ellie after Winter… it nearly destroyed him, but meeting the small girl that saved his life had been an angel that swooped down in the middle of a war. _She was his daughter_ _and he would do absolutely anything to protect her._ He’d damn the world before anything happened to her without hesitation. 

A gut feeling was draining him down. He knew she was preparing herself for the worst when they got to fireflies. The worst case scenario was that the vaccine worked… and that nothing changed. It would be like the only bit of hope Ellie had to save the world and make it so she didn’t have to continue living in the monstrosity she’d grown up in would be gone and she would have nothing to show for it. Then, of course there was the scenario in which the vaccine didn’t work. 

Joel worried about her.  _ What happens if it doesn’t work? She’ll be so disappointed.  _ Ellie had been so excited the entire trip, not taking into consideration what was going to happen if it failed. In his mind, he knew that she’d think it was her fault and he feared it like a plague. He had somehow been able to bring her back after Winter, but he honestly had no idea what would happen if it didn’t work…  _ would she ever be the same? Would they?  _

He sighed, lowering his head against his bag, using it like a pillow. Joel slowly relaxed, keeping his sight on Ellie as sleep began to greet him.  _ We’ll do it together.  _ He promised himself, eventually letting his consciousness fade. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks so much for reading, everyone! requests are temporarily closed since in two episodes, I'm going to have them be in Salt Lake and then go from there. HAPPY HALLOWEEN PEOPLE!


	23. Chapter Twenty Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Joel has a nightmare and Ellie helps him recover with a surprise.

_ “Daddy, what about Uncle Tommy?” A small voice asked him, making him retract his eyes from the flashlight. Joel shook his head, backing away from the soldier.  _

_ “We’ll go back for him once we get you somewhere safe, baby girl.” Joel whispered, keeping his eyes trained on his daughter then towards the soldier, talking into his radio. Joel’s body was exhausted and he just wanted to get her somewhere safe.  _

_ “Sir… there’s a little girl.” Joel’s ears perked up and he felt his arms go cold with goosebumps. A pit grew in his stomach as he waited for something to happen.  _ Do they have somewhere safe for her?  _ The soldier let out a deep sigh and looked up towards the father and daughter.  _

_ “Listen, buddy, we’ve just been through hell. We just…” Joel went silent as the gun glanced up towards him and the small girl in his hands. She trembled and Joel whispered a praise to her, running his hands through her hair, desperate to comfort her.. “Oh,  _ shit _.” Joel whispered, turning around to run.  _

_ Suddenly, an array of bullets lept through the air, making a small scream run through his ears, its source his daughter. The soldier rushed over to him, seeing he had missed his shot. Joel’s face twisted in tragedy when he looked up at the man, begging him to stop. “Please, don’t.” Joel pleaded, hearing the click of the trigger and a gun go off. But when he opened his eyes, the man before him was a bloody mess on the ground.  _

_ Tommy met his eyes but then his brother looked in the other direction, his face falling. “Oh, no…” He breathed, making Joel spin around. Joel’s heart fell into his stomach when he saw Ellie on the ground, writhing in a pile of blood.  _

_ “No.” Joel hissed, sprinting towards her and pulling her onto his lap. He saw a profuse amount of blood running from her stomach. “No, Ellie.” Joel croaked, caressing her face before taking her hands away from her stomach, pressing his palms onto the gunshot. “Move your hands, baby.” Ellie let out a horrible squeal of pain, making Joel die inside. “I know, I know.” Joel joined her in her crying, letting tears fall from his face onto her tiny body. “I know, I’m right here, I’m right here, baby girl.” He sobbed, pressing his hands harder against her wound, praying it would do something. “Listen to me, I know this hurts, baby, but you’re gonna be okay, baby girl, just stay with me!” Joel lamented, taking in the sight of her desperate face looking up at his. It was twisted in pain and she let out another horrible scream, shattering him. “I’m gonna pick you up. I know, baby, I know it hurts.”  _

_ “C’mon, baby, please. I know, baby girl, please.” Suddenly, Ellie’s body was still and her crying had stopped. Blood continued to pour from her body onto Joel, but she was gone. Joel looked from Tommy back to Ellie, only to see that she was no longer moving. His throat closed around him and he shook his head violently, rejecting what he was seeing. “Ellie…  _ baby. _ ” He let out a shaky sob, praying that she would jump up and return to him again. But he didn’t. “Please don’t do this, don’t do this to me, Ellie. C’mon, come…” His sentence broke off into an airy gasp for air as he looked down at Ellie then back to Tommy, whose face had died. He approached Joel, trying to embrace him. Joel shook him off holding Ellie closer and sobbing into her shirt, feeling her skin already affix with a cold shade. “No… no. No, no, no.” He picked Ellie up, holding all of her in his chest. Blood spilled onto his shirt but he didn’t pay any attention to anything other than the dead weight in his hands.  _

_ “Oh, God… please. Please.” Joel begged whatever was watching down on them, but no savior came. He let out a scream of pain, sobbing Ellie’s name with no purpose at all. “Please, baby girl… don’t do this.” Joel collapsed with a sob, keeping Ellie’s body in his arms and laying there, screaming.  _

“Joel?” Ellie asked, hearing a scuffle next to her. A sudden yell shook her and she ran towards Joel, the dead fire filling the air with a smoky smell. “Joel!” She yelled, seeing him shake by the fire. Ellie felt a terror run through her and she shook him, trying to wake him up. “Hey. Joel, c’mon.” Ellie breathed, sitting beside him and shaking his limbs, desperate to wake him up. “Hey, c’mon, pops. Come on, come on. Wake up, please.” Ellie shook him, cringing when another scream escaped his lips. “Joel, you’re scaring me here.” She croaked, slapping him very gently and shaking his shoulders to wake him up. 

Suddenly, Joel gasped for air, jumping up in Ellie’s arms. He felt her suddenly tighten her grip around him, trying to cover him with her to comfort him. “Hey, hey, it’s okay, I’m here.” Ellie whispered against him, hugging him tightly. Joel looked around, thanking God when he realized it was just a dream. His chest heaved a great sigh and he screwed his eyes shut, remembering the horrid nightmare he’d experienced. “Hey, it’s okay.” Ellie tried to comfort him, meeting his face. 

She pushed her head against his, lettings their foreheads meet. Joel hugged her tightly, seeming like he never had the intent to let go. Ellie eventually pulled herself off, meeting Joel’s eyes. They were red from crying and tears still streamed down his face. “Do you want to tell me about it?” She asked gently, taking his hands with her skin being barely lit from the dead fire. Joel looked down and gently mumbled what had happened, taking breaths and pauses to let out a small cry. He felt like a child. 

Surprise bled through him when he suddenly felt Ellie hug him, snuggling into his chest and positioning his arm to wrap around her. “Hey… do you trust me?” She asked simply, feeling Joel instantly look down at her with a frown. 

“Of course I do, baby.” He answered quickly, his voice drawn out and cracked. His fingers rubbed the watch on his wrist, cursing at the cracks in the glass. 

“Okay… then trust me when I say that you’re stuck with me. Know I’m telling the truth when I say that I’m okay, and that you’re going to have to deal with my shitty jokes for the rest of your life.” Joel let out a muted chuckle, nodding and squeezing Ellie tighter. “Okay?”  
“Okay… I believe you.” He answered, going back to his position on the log with Ellie by his side. Ellie -oddly- had a devilish grin on her face, to which Joel spotted. “What’re you smiling’ about?” He asked, feeling better already when he heard her let out a small laugh. 

“I’ve got a surprise for you.” She said in a song matter, momentarily retreating to the tent, towards her bag. “I think you’re going to like this, pops.” Joel smiled at the nickname she’d configured for him, remembering that Sarah used to use that term of endearment for him as well. They were  _ so alike _ . Joel knew Sarah would have loved Ellie. Suddenly, a curse escaped Ellie’s lips when a small bump came from the tent. Then a small chord of a guitar played. Joel’s face lit up as Ellie carried an old guitar from the tent, a small smile on her face. It was decorated with a thin layer of dust and she handed it to Joel, waiting for his response. “Um… surprise.” She popped her hands up in jazz hands, patiently waiting for Joel to respond. 

A smile cracked on Joel’s lips as he held the guitar, treating it like an old friend. His fingers ran over the strings, rejoicing when he heard them play out a melladolic tone. “Do you like it?” Ellie asked, becoming impatient as seconds went by. 

“This… this is amazing, Ellie. Thank you.” He grinned, looking up like a child on Christmas. Ellie smirked, nodding her head and crossing her legs with a small amount of pride. 

“Well… y’know, I try.” Joel chuckled, but he could tell what Ellie was silently asking him. She tilted her head, penetrating his eyes with her own. Joel let out another small laugh, rolling his eyes. 

“Fine… fine.” He finally answered, smiling when she let out a small cheer. 

“Yes!” Ellie laughed, sitting beside him and reviving the fire, letting him see the strings. “I get my own concert. What should your stage name be, Joel? Did you have one?” She was shooting out questions excitedly, but he shushed her, tuning the strings and then beginning to play. 

Her grin was as big as the world as he began to open his mouth, letting out a melody of words and playing the strings. Ellie was silent but her excitement was loud, beaming off of her like a light. “ _ Moon river, wider than a mile. I'm crossing you in style some day. Oh, dream maker, you heart breaker… _ ” Ellie smiled, listening to the melody and shutting her eyes, dreaming of what the rest of her life could be like with Joel. When they got to Jackson, they could have almost a normal life… and if the vaccine worked, they could live with little worry, just being able to focus on each other. 

“ _ Wherever you're goin', I'm goin' your way. Two drifters, off to see the world. There's such a lot of world to see.”  _ Ellie found herself sniffling as Joel shut his eyes, letting his fingers fly on the strings like he was reunited with a love of his. His eyes were shut and Ellie saw his talent before him. Maybe when they were at Jackson, he could teach her how to play and she could do this for him one day. “ _ We're after the same rainbow's end, waitin' 'round the bend My huckleberry friend, moon river, and me.”  _

He let out a breath and looked up to her, seeing a small tear drip down her face. He held his eyebrows together, awaiting her response. “That was… really good, Joel.” She whispered, instantly pouncing into him once he set the guitar down, hugging him. “I love you.” He smiled, brushing a hair back and kissing her forehead, then looking to the stars above them. 

“I love you, too, baby.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading! i have no shortage of frank Sinatra songs to use, so maybe i'll do this again when they get to jackson. i hope you guys enjoyed! next episode is.... drum roll, salt lake! so requests are temporarily closed for a few chapters, but if you do ask now i'll use it when they get to jackson. i'm probably going to do this in like a season sort of way, so this is season 1, then jackson is season 2, and then maybe season three idk. depends if you guys want me to keep writing. after this book i'll probably just do a book of requests and oneshots, so if you like more ellie/joel stick around! anyway, thanks for reading, update in 2-3 days.


	24. Chapter 24

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Joel and Ellie make it to Salt Lake City.

“Ellie. Ellie!” He announced, snapping her out of her daze and gesturing to the wall above the, crouched on the ground. “You there?”

“Yeah… sorry.” Ellie whispered, pushing herself up and resting her foot on his hand as he boosted her up the wall. She grunted, pushing herself up easily and looking down at Joel. A metal ladder hung just by the edge and she began to push it down, her eyes still dazed over and lost in thought. That was when she saw it… “Oh my God…” She whispered, forgetting the ladder and letting it clash to the ground, pursuing the shadow she’d seen through the window. 

“What is it? Ellie!” Joel called, trying to peek over the edge before hastily putting up the ladder, placing it on the wall with a grunt. “Ellie!” He called, his worry rapidly growing with each second as he scrambled up the ladder, hearing her footsteps jitter down the hall. “Ellie!” He called again, running after her quickly. Tension built in his veins as he caught up to her, only for her to run away again. 

“Oh, you gotta see this.” She whispered, her voice sounding happy for the first time in a week. Ellie chased a shadow down the corridor, almost completely forgetting Joel. 

“What is it?” He asked, peeking through the forgotten windows only to see nothing but the destroyed buildings of Salt Lake. “Ellie…” He muttered, seeing she’d once again vanished from his vision. Joel shook his head in tension, chasing the familiar sound of her footsteps into another hall. “I don’t see anything…”

“Are you kidding me?” Ellie giggled, sprinting into the next room without giving Joel a next though. Wonder ran through her expression as she looked up, meeting the face of a large beast.  _ Giraffes… Joel said this was a zoo.  _ “Look, Joel.” Joel shifted into the room, quieting himself as he saw what she’d chased, looking at her carefully move closer to the animal, a fair part of fear in her. “You see this?” Ellie whispered, looking back to Joel with a gleeful expression. 

Joel smiled at her childish expression, feeling a wave of relief run through her.  _ She’s still in there. All this shit with the Fireflies, those monsters… she survived.  _ Joel slowly inched towards it, reaching his hand out peacefully, holding his breath. Ellie followed him, trying to grab him. “Sh, don’t scare it, Joel.” 

“I won’t, I won’t.” He hushed softly, letting his hand slowly meet the animal’s fur. It glided through it and a million different flashbacks hit him as he reminded himself of all of the zoo’s that Sarah would drag him to… she always looked so happy. Ellie looked at Joel, her eyes asking if she could join him. He nodded, beckoning her over. “It’s alright, c’mere, c’mere.” Ellie cautiously joined Joel, feeling him take her hand and slowly place it on the giraffe. 

A wicked smile filled her face as Joel took his hand away, letting her pet it by herself. Ellie let out a shocked laugh, brushing its chin gently and handing it a leaf, feeling its tongue flick on her hand as it took the plant from her. “Hey there…” Ellie softly greeted the beast, feeling her hand slip away as it began to retract its head, done with its snack of the vines that grew on the walls. “... so fucking cool.”  
Joel grinned, watching her run into the next room, her eyes fixed on the creature. She seemed… happy. Genuinely happy, like she could be okay again. Joel followed her slowly, watching her slip out of the building eagerly. “Slow down, kiddo.”  
“Come on, old man!” She whisper-hissed, moving onto the balcony of the building, waiting for her father to join her. “Oh, man… wow, look at those things.” Ellie smiled at him, the warm air blowing through her hair and whipping it beside her. He nodded, watching the herd of giraffes move in the distance. The view was beautiful, but he didn’t care… his eyes stuck to Ellie, taking in her giggle and her smile. It was like greeting an old friend. Joel leaned beside her, his head moving to the view then back to her, watching her eyes dance in their sockets.

“So, is… is it everythin’ you were hoping for?” Joel asked, looking down at Ellie. She let out a sigh, caught in the beauty of the herd for a moment. Finally, she let it slip away, looking back towards Joel. Her lips curled in a smile as she looked up at him, taking in the sight of his smile. 

“It’s got its ups and downs.” Ellie briefly remembered the winter, her smile disappearing for just a second. Then it returned, remembering all of the seconds she’d shared with Joel. Another sigh escaped her lips as she took in the view, frowning at the sight of the hospital.  _ What if this was all for nothing?  _ “Can’t deny the view, though…” A moment of silence passed through them as they both realized it was the end of their trip. Happiness came with that because she knew that they’d remain together, but… part of her was sad. This was her purpose and it was ending, no matter if the cure worked or not.  _ What’re we going to do after this? _

Joel pushed himself from the railing, looking to the door behind him, then the girl. She was mesmerized by the herd peacefully passing through the valley and rested her chin on her hand, not wanting to be anywhere else. A million thoughts were swarming through her head and they consumed her, keeping her in a somewhat peaceful trance. “We don’t have to do this, y’know that, right?” 

Ellie looked back at him, shaking her head and pulling herself away from the ledge. A deep inhale went through her and she looked up at Joel, shutting her eyes briefly. “What’s the other option?” She asked, genuinely asking for another way. Fear constricted in her as they moved closer to the hospital, knowing that the pit in her stomach could become fatal at any moment. 

“Go back to Tommy’s, just… be done with this whole damn thing.” He murmured, knowing what her response would be. Ellie’s hands met her hips and she stared down at the ground, contemplating her response for a moment before Joel met her gaze once again, searching for something. 

“After all we’ve been through…” Ellie thought, her mind flashing back to David and Riley, her eyes shutting. Joel moved towards her but she rejected it, shaking her head. “Everything I’ve done.” Ellie didn’t accept that idea and moved past Joel slowly, giving him one last shake. “It can’t be for nothing.”

She pushed through the door behind him, aching to be finished and just be with Joel. Joel sighed, squeezing his eyes shot and relishing the taste of the sweet air. Finally, he followed her through the door, nodding his head and accepting her answer.  _ It can’t be.  _ She thought, pushing through the building with Joel behind her, his eyebrows knitted together in shame. 

“Look, I… I know you mean well, but… there’s no halfway with this. Once we’re done, we’ll go wherever you want, okay?” Ellie asked, her voice higher than usual. It was quieter, too… she was anxious. Joel had become tuned to her body language over the year that they’d been traveling and he frowned, looking at how her arms were tucked into each other.  _ She’s scared.  _

“Well, I ain’t leavin’ without ya, so let’s wrap this up.” He whispered, feeling a small sense of relief run through him when he saw the smallest of smiles crack across her lips. She knew now he wouldn’t leave her, but the fear still lived in her, so hearing him say that added a small bit of comfort to her tension-filled body. 

"Do… do you think Marlene will be there?" Ellie asked, remembering her once lone adult figure and smiled, excited to see her. Ellie looked back to Joel with a small grin and he nodded, his body warming at her excitement. 

"Yeah, reckon she'll be happy to see you, kiddo." Joel comforted her, messing her hair up playfully as they walked through the silent building. Their footsteps echoed against the carpet and Ellie looked around, feeling lighter. 

Joel took a deep breath, watching Ellie walk around the building, barely paying attention to her own steps. He caught up with her, watching her expressions like the static on a television, letting it hypnotize him. He took her hand, feeling her squeeze it in return, feeling his worry for her. “Hey, maybe they’ll have a horse we can use to get back to Jackson… reckon you wanna name it again?” 

A devilish smile fell across Ellie’s face and she shut her eyes, imagining names. She looked back to Joel, smirking. “Um… how about… Gene?” She asked, seeing him roll his eyes in cringe and let out a silent chuckle. “C’mon… could be worse.”

“I guess it could be…” Joel replied slowly, wrapping his knuckles as they approached a door. “Well… should be right out there…” Joel murmured, looking at Ellie staring at the door, her hands squeezed into fists. 

“Yeah…” Her voice was hale and hushed, its volume barely above a whisper. Her eyes seemed to cloud over and she dozed off, her mind taking her as its prisoner rather quickly. Joel walked towards her, looking directly in her eyes. His gaze seemed to pull her out and her emerald irises reflected his own, showing bad memories that she’d already moved past and hid beneath her clothes. 

“It’s gonna be okay, kiddo.” Joel promised her, taking her in his arms and letting their bags fall to the ground. She nodded against him, heaving a deep sigh. Trauma had found its way into her veins, forcing a home in her mind. Ellie screwed her eyes shut, hiding her face in Joel’s shirt and taking in his smell, trying to memorize it as if it’d be the last time she was allowed that privilege. “This’ll take two seconds, then we go wherever you want.” 

“Do you promise we’ll be okay?”  _ That I’ll be okay?  _ Was her true question. Fear had built up in her when she thought of what would happen if the vaccine didn’t work and she didn’t want to pin all of that on Joel. Part of her  _ wished  _ that he’d leave her so she didn’t burden him, but that part was extremely subdued. 

“I swear on my life.” Joel answered instantly, whispering the words directly in her ear to make sure that she heard them and that it resonated within her. “They’ll just take some tests, maybe some blood… then we’ll go… alright?” Ellie inhaled a deep flush of air, nodding in his chest and pulling herself from him slowly. “Hey… I love you.” He praised her softly, caressing her jawline with his fingers. She nuzzled against his grip and nodded, looking up at him sadly. 

“I love you, too.” She uttered softly, slowly standing again and pushing through the door, not looking back to Joel. She was done looking back. Joel followed her through, seeing a large room before them. There were two sides, both seemed to be the remnants of subway stations. They had to cross to get to Saint Mary’s. The top of the dreaded hospital was visible from the gaps in the roof and Ellie looked up, inspecting every shade of color she could see, memorizing the building. 

Crossing the gap between the two platforms was a forgotten bus, water crawling through the cracks in the grass and the gaps in the roof of the vehicle. Ellie crossed first, gently lowering herself down with Joel’s help and getting halfway across the bus… that was when Joel dropped down. A deafening  _ screech  _ came from under the water and froze both Ellie and Joel. Then, it started to move. Joel ran towards Ellie, helping her up onto the second platform desperately, hearing the water roll beneath him. “Ellie, get up, c’mon!” Joel ordered, pushing her up but then tripping, falling into the death trap. 

“Joel!” Joel let out a large curse, landing on one of the bars in the bus and then falling all the way towards the back, his spine slamming against the glass. He exhaled in pain, seeing Ellie run along the path that the bus was sinking. “Joel, hey!” She yelled again frantically, debating whether or not to jump to the bus to help him.  _ I could die… but so could he.  _ With that thought, she leaped onto the bus, landing on the glass doors. It sank under her weight and she let out a small scream but sighed when it stopped dropping. 

Joel climbed to her, trying to open the door to grab her as he saw what was about to happen. With the water quickly pouring in the bus, it was beginning to tilt, slowly pushing Ellie further toward the water. “I made it, I fuckin’ made it!” Ellie rejoiced, looking down to Joel through the cracked glass. He was terrified, but not for his sake. 

“Ellie!” He roared, pulling on the glass doors only to find that they were rusted, not budging even with Ellie and Joel both pushing them down. She beat against its bent and damaged frame, making a moderate amount of headway. 

“Okay, open you piece of shit!” She let out a deep growl, kicking against the glass as hard as she could. Finally, it caved under her weight and the glass collapsed, temporarily sending Joel down in the water once again. He found something to grip and climbed back up, meeting Ellie’s face. Just as he was about to climb through the door, the bus suddenly shifted, flipping vertically. “Okay, here, c’mon! Let’s…” Ellie was cut off as the bus let out a rearing groan, making her balance rapidly tip. Her fingers began to slip off the metal and she felt a panic rise in her, a cold pit growing in her stomach. “Oh, shit! Shit, Joel!” 

Ellie felt her grip slowly retreating as the bus flipped, sending her into water. “Ellie!” Joel roared, trying to get through the gap desperately, every cell in his body pushing him through the door and towards Ellie. “Ellie, grab my hand before-” 

With a dreaded sense of finality, the bus crashed to the floor of the makeshift river, finally pushing Ellie from its shell. Joel screamed in the water, watching her small body being sent through the current. Ellie’s arms waved around helplessly until eventually, they stopped moving, making his blood run cold with terror. 

He pried the door open, his limbs rushing to get him in. He couldn’t think beside his rushed thoughts screaming Ellie’s name in his head and he pushed his arms, swimming as quickly as he could. Freezing cold surrounding him, taking hold of him and sending him through the rapids just as it had Ellie. 

_ Ellie, no, no, no.  _ He chanted, finally taking hold of her limp body and not even taking a second to pause. His feet kicked as hard as they could and his arms moved even with Ellie in his grip. His body was in a state of terror, a reaction to get Ellie and him out of the state of danger no matter what. 

Blackness began to take over his vision as he ran out of air and he almost gave up hope, but then, he felt his feet touch the ground. His veins sent blood upward, making it almost seem like he couldn’t move, but he did. He ran through the dense water as quickly as he could, gasping for air when he felt it surround his skin. 

Ellie’s body was dragged into the air as well by his muscles, landing beside Joel as he inhaled and exhaled air rapidly. His lungs felt like they were on fire and he hurled her up to the ground again, dragging her as far away from the water as he could. 

_ And then he opened his eyes…  _ At first, he thought she was gone; dead. A silent horror set through his skin -making his hand stand up on end- when he saw her chillingly still chest and the absent breaths.  _ Ellie.  _ Joel instantly forgot his own exhaustion, setting his hand on her cheek lovingly before folding his hands together, pressing them against her chest. 

Joel found himself crying as he pressed against her lungs, begging whatever Satan was watching over them to just grant him this one wish, to let Ellie live. “C’mon.” He threw all of his weight against her once again, performing compressions because he knew his life depended on it with an absolute certainty. “C’mon, c’mon…” Joel whispered in trepidation, his entire body shivering and convulsing while he acted CPR out on his daughter, sobbing while he did so. “C’mon, baby.” 

His face dove towards her, checking for breathing only to find nothing there. “No… no, no.” Joel rejected the idea, continuing to press against her lungs, feeling the smallest of pulses under her layers. “Come on, come on, baby girl.” Joel begged her, his own tears joining the water on his face. His ears ignored the footsteps sounding through the air. All he could focus on was Ellie as he continued to press against her chest, sending all of his weight onto her until he was almost striking the water in her lungs, beckoning it to escape. 

“Hands in the air!” A strict voice called, raised towards Joel. He looked up momentarily, only seeing the patch on the mens’ shoulders.  _ Fireflies.  _ Joel shook his head, continuing to move against Ellie with a desperation that terrified him to his core. 

“She ain’t breathing.” Joel shook his head, his voice ironically dry. His throat was closing around him and his skin was powdered with a freezing coat, but it wasn’t because of his soaked clothing. 

“Hands in the fuckin’ air!” The man roared again, approaching the father and daughter slowly, his gun raised to Joel’s head. He ignored the man, once again checking for breaths from Ellie. He heard what could be a shudder with squinted eyes, but the water was still trapped in her lungs. 

“Come on, Ellie.” He cried, but before he could continue, the man’s gun met his head and everything was black. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey, so I wasn't sure whether or not to include Ellie talking about Riley with the chapter of the hospital, but I'm going to and it came out a very long chapter so I'm doing this and then the next chapter will be the end of this... idk, season? sure, let's go with that. that will be the end of the first season, then i'll do one of them in jackson if you guys want me to, and then maybe a second work of part two if you guys would want that. requests are closed currently, but they'll be up again in 2-3 chapters. i hope you guys enjoyed, the next chapter was an emotional roller coaster and i think it's actually kinda well written, so i hope you enjoy it. have a good day, comments/kudos very appreciated!


	25. Chapter Twenty Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Joel saves her... he had no other choice.

The first thing he saw was fluorescent lights hung above him, blinding him. He squinted his eyes, but all of that stopped when he remembered how he had fallen unconscious. He shot up, looking around him. Instantly, he saw a woman sitting beside him, shuddering when he saw her face. “ _Welcome to the Fireflies._ ” Marlene spoke softly, her hair tied back into a loose bun. Stray pieces clung to her neck from sweat and stress. Bags lived under her eyes and her eyes seemed to be puffy from crying. “Sorry about the…” She gestured to her forehead, seeing a small line of blood dotted across Joel’s wrinkles. “They didn’t know who you were-”  
“And Ellie?” He spoke instantly, looking around the room. Two armed soldiers stood by the door, a grim look on both of their faces. Joel thought it was odd, but he tossed that fact aside, awaiting Marlene’s answer with nowhere near an ounce of patience. 

“She’s alright, they brought her back.” Joel breathed, feeling a physical weight being lifted from his chest. He shut his eyes, letting his head fall back against the hospital bed, picturing Ellie’s waterlogged frame once again and almost cringing.  _ She’s okay… we’re alright.  _ “You came all this way… how’d you do it?” 

Marlene sounded different than she had before they left the QZ. Her voice was flat and dead and Joel could hear what sounded like tears hiding in the shadow of her words, another thing he found odd. She had a small dot of blood on her cheek and her hair was wet, making it dark and stringy. Joel opened his eyes, remembering all of the times Ellie had saved his ass on their journey. 

“It was her… she fought like hell to get here.” He answered quickly, almost smiling when he recalled Ellie’s initial excitement and innocence the few weeks after leaving the QZ… it almost instantly eroded away after Fall, and when they were approaching the campus. “Maybe it was meant to be…” He whispered softly, slowly picking himself up and letting the terror from almost an hour ago melt away. He chanted the fact that Ellie was okay in his brain, making sure it settled in and that that fact was screamed throughout his body. 

“I lost most of my crew, crossing the country. I pretty much lost  _ everything. _ ” Marlene said the word in a tone that scared Joel, because it didn’t sound like she was speaking in the far past. Joel winced as he sat on the hospital bed, watching Marlene pace around the room. The soldiers’ eyes were trained on Joel, watching each rise of his chest. Their fingers were on their triggers and Joel glanced towards them, though they didn’t remove them when he looked at the men. “And then… you show up and we find you… just in time to save her.” Marlene released a dead laugh, making the room seem colder. A departed set of eyes greeted Joel’s and he met them with an extreme severity. “Maybe it was meant to be.” 

“Take me to her.” Joel ordered softly, slowly rising from the bed. Suddenly, the men stepped forward, their rifles subtly pointing to Joel. He knitted his eyebrows in confusion, looking to Marlene who sighed, holding a hand to her temple with what seemed like pain. 

“You don’t have to worry about her anymore. We’ll take care of-”  
“I worry.” Joel ended her sentence quickly, very much intending to keep his promise to Ellie that they would stay together. _I keep my damn promises._ “Just… let me see her, please.” Joel pleaded softly, holding his hand up and turning his head away from the soldiers who still had their guns aimed a few inches below Joel’s body. 

Marlene took a deep, painful sigh and looked from Joel to the floor, then to the soldiers that held Joel prisoner. Deep down, Marlene knew this would be the answer before Ellie and Joel had even left the quarantine zone. She had done the research, she looked for other answers. But there was no way to change a blessing, and cordyceps developed in the brain. “You can’t… she’s being prepped for surgery.”  
Joel’s eyes momentarily flared and he stood up almost immediately, his eyebrows knotted together in confusion. At that word, his body seemed to tense with concern and he walked towards Marlene, only to hear the cock of guns. _What the hell?_ He thought, looking down the barrel of two guns. “What the hell do you mean surgery?” He asked sharply, impatiently awaiting Marlene’s explanation. 

“The doctors tell me the cordyceps, the growth inside her, has somehow mutated.” Marlene quickly began talking as the soldiers walked closer to Joel and her, making a tight fence around Joel that he couldn’t escape. “It’s why she’s immune. Once they remove it, they’ll be able to reverse engineer a vaccine…” Marlene’s eyes teared and she repeated the word like a gift, but her voice said otherwise. “A vaccine…”  
“But it grows all over the brain.” Joel thought aloud, shuddering softly when he saw Marlene’s knowing nod. 

“It does.” Marlene’s voice was hoarse and Joel shook his head in rejection, the same terror and fear bouncing back into his body like a shock.  _ What… no, no. They can’t. She won’t last a second.  _ Joel’s blood stopped moving and he almost had to stop himself from tripping. 

“ _ Find someone else. _ ” He hissed, his voice deadly and furious. Ellie had fought  _ so hard to get here.  _ She fought with her entire life out on her sleeve and they were going to murder her before she could even open her eyes. Joel shifted from foot to foot, his fingers pressing against his knuckles and cracking them with anger. 

“There  _ is  _ no one else.” Marlene whispered, seeing the grief set across Joel’s skin. She knew about Sarah… she’d known of Joel’s reputation for quite a while and he knew what he was thinking… but she didn’t care. They could save  _ millions,  _ maybe even  _ billions  _ of lives with this vaccine. They both knew that it was the correct move. Marlene knew it, but Joel couldn’t give less of a shit. 

Joel quickly advanced, his rage running through him like a flag. “Listen, you are gonna show me where-” Joelw as cut off as one of the soldiers suddenly slammed him to the ground, throwing him at Marlene’s feet. The younger woman ordered the soldier off, glaring at him with a gone expression. Ellie was almost like a daughter to her. But not close enough. Not close enough for Marlene not to betray her and stab her in the back without a second consideration. 

“I  _ get it. _ ” Marlene breathed, her voice beginning to shudder while Joel winced on the ground, rubbing the back of his head where the soldier had struck him. “But whatever it is you think you’re going through is nothing compared to what I’ve been through. I knew her since she was born, I promised her mother I’d look after her.”

“Then why are you letting this happen?” Joel wasn’t trying to hide the tears shimmering in his eyes and Marlene shut her eyes, wincing and screaming at herself in her head. She had to save the world, it was the lesson she was taught and the purpose the world had presented her. It didn’t matter what she had to do to save it, as long as life was preserved and they were one step closer to ending the horror that was the world. 

“Because this isn’t about  _ me. _ ” Marlene croaked, her own tears showing in her voice and eyes. She pushed them back down, taking a small breath and regaining herself. “Or even her. There is  _ no other choice here. _ ” Marlene raised her voice, losing the will to live. Joel felt rage run through him but he suppressed it, knowing he’d be no help to Ellie if they killed him like a dog in the streets.  _ I promised… I promised. I need to get us, no, her out of here.  _

Joel let out an airy laugh, pushing himself down to a sitting position and looking up to Marlene, his eyes sparking. She almost looked away, seeing the fury and apoplexy riddled in his dark eyes. His face was tight, constricted into subtle wrinkles as he stared at her, seeing her for a sorry excuse for a being. “Yeah… yeah, you keep telling yourself that bullshit.” Joel buzzed with ferocity, daring Marlene to touch Ellie. He’d stop them… he’d have to. 

Whatever pity that had lived in Marlene suddenly began to dissipate and she looked toward the guard behind her, murmuring to him. “March him out of here… he tries anything, shoot him.” Marlene ordered hastily, quickly removing herself from the room and leaving Joel and the single guard, a deadly silence dancing between them. 

Joel looked up, knowing what he was going to have to do. He passed a silent roar in his gaze, moving all of his hatred and resentment towards the guard, slowly standing.  _ “I’d damn the world before I let anything happen to you, baby girl.” “I’m right here… we’re okay… you’re not going anywhere… I love you… you’re going to be okay.” I promised her.  _ All of the trip flashed in his eyes and he clenched his hands together, letting a small growl out. 

“Go on, move.” The soldier ordered coldly, aiming his rifle directly in Joel’s face. Joel tightened his features, his nails digging into his skin. Joel obliged,  _ extremely slowly  _ moving to the other side of the room and towards the door.  _ “Look, I… I know you mean well, but… there’s no halfway with this. Once we’re done, we’ll go wherever you want, okay?”  _

_ “Well, I ain’t going without you… so let’s wrap this up.”  _ The guard pushed him angrily at his slow pace, only making Joel pause and take a deep breath. A deep growl resonated in him. From the corner of his eyesight, Joel spotted his bag, the photo of Sarah Ellie had gifted him hidden somewhere in it.  _ Fuck this. I am not losing you, Ellie.  _ He snarled in his mind, his features scrunching together until suddenly he wasn’t moving. “Gimme an excuse.” The guard maliciously whispered, his anger palpitating in his veins. Joel chewed the inside of his lips, knowing he had to make the first move. 

“Which way?” Joel asked him, coldly. The soldier gestured to the right, leading Joel and him into a large room. Still, there were no other soldiers or Fireflies in the room, making it much easier for Joel.  _ I’m getting you out of this, Ellie.  _ It was the first sentence he’d said to Ellie after Winter… it was a long forgotten promise from months ago, but one that had rehashed itself into their fucked lives.  _ I’ll keep my promise… I swear on my life.  _

“What the fuck are you doing? Keep walking.” The firefly ordered when Joel stopped walking, the shelf his bag was on now beside him. Joel looked down, seeing the pressure from his fists making his skin white. “I said keep walking-” The man was cut off as Joel suddenly grabbed him, moving as quick as a scorpion flashing its venom. Joel instantly held his hand over the man’s mouth and glared into his eyes, striking fear into the man. Both of them knew Joel could snap his neck at any time and not regret it, that was what twenty years of the world did to you… so the man hushed. Still, neither of them could stop the gunshot that went off. Joel’s eyes widened with anger and he pushed the man against the ground, holding him up by his collar. 

“Where is the operating room?” Joel snarled, his voice a low pitch as he pressed the gun against the man’s abdomen, threatening to shoot at any second. The man stayed silent, his loyalty showing with a beaten pride. “I ain’t got time for this.” Joel whispered, letting another gunshot ring through the air when he pulled the trigger, sending a pile of lead straight through the man’s body and hearing it drag through his flesh. “Where?!” Joel rumbled, shooting once again and hearing a small answer fall from the man’s bloodied lips. 

“Top… top floor. The far end.” He stuttered, his body soon going limp after that. Joel tossed the body aside, murmuring a small note of gratefulness for the man’s weakness as he took his bag, jogging through the hospital. Clamors of other fireflies could be heard through the halls and when the screaming grew, Joel assumed they’d found his mess.  _ Top floor. Far end.  _ Joel chanted in his head, climbing up the stairs with an animalistic speed, his legs pumping him closer and closer to Ellie.  _ What if they already started? What if I’m too late, what if she’s already gone?  _ Joel tried to get the image of Ellie’s bloodied brain from his mind, but failed. He cringed, running even faster. 

Adrenaline pumped through him as he finally made it to the top floor, more blood sprinkled across his face now. Dried clumps hung in his beard but he didn’t care. A large red firefly was painted next to the door and he knew instantly it was the room. He could almost hear her breaths from there. Joel sprinted towards the room, his revolver nestled comfortably in his hands. He broke the door open, his own tears ganging in his eyes. His organs were closed around him as he sprinted through the scrub-room, ripping the gate to the operation room open. 

The first thing he saw was Ellie in that  _ fucking  _ dress. She was clean… he’d gotten there in time, just before the head bastard was about to cut into his daughter. A murmur of three gasps spread through the room when the doctors saw him. Two backed towards the wall, but one stayed by his daughter, holding his arm in front of Ellie. Joel let out a growl, holding his revolver to the doctor. “Move away.” Joel thundered, quickly approaching the doctor. Surprisingly, the man held up a pistol, aiming it towards Joel.

“I won’t let you take her.” The doctor held his gun up, clearly not even knowing how to shoot the thing or what the magazine was. “This is our future, think of all of the lives we’ll save.” Joel pressed his features together, letting a deep sigh out. He rubbed his finger against his trigger and aimed his gun towards the doctor. The others let out a whimper and tried to move towards Joel, but he aimed at them and they quickly halted. 

Joel’s teeth clenched together and he fingered the metal of his revolver, looking at Ellie and then pulling the trigger, letting the doctor’s blood fly across the room. 

“You  _ fucking  _ animal!” One of the doctors cried, but Joel simply fired again, and then a third time. And then, it was just Ellie and him alone, like it should be. Joel almost dropped his weapon, feeling a pit grow in his stomach. Though, the continuous beep of Ellie’s heartbeat pulled him out of his trance and he rushed to her, pulling all of the wires from her skin and meeting her shut eyes. 

“Come on, baby girl. I gotcha, I gotcha…” Joel whispered to her softly, pulling her limp body into his arms. When he heard the beeping flatline, he let out a ghastly exhale, thinking of what could’ve happened if he were only a minute later. He pictured her blood spilled across the head  _ bastard _ ’s gloves. He wondered if they would have regretted it. He knew the world didn’t deserve Ellie,  _ he didn’t.  _

The world wasn’t worth Ellie’s life, not by a longshot. He tried not to think of how he was going to explain all of this to her. He took her in his grip, quickly escaping the room and leaving the doctors, already forgetting all the fireflies he’d had to reap to get to this point. “C’mon… c’mon, c’mon.” Joel chanted, turning around to see flashlights heading towards the operating room. He swore under his breath, moving the other direction and escaping the dreaded room of death, sprinting as quickly as he could. “Oh, shit.” He whispered angrily, trying to remember how to get out.  _ There’s gotta be an elevator.  _ He thought to himself, not letting himself think about anything else. All of the fear and tragedy that was killing him inside was pushed down. All he focused on was getting Ellie and him out. 

“I’m getting you out of here, girl.” He hissed, having to take another left at the sight of flashlights from the right. “Shit… shit.” He cursed at himself, running as quickly as he could through the hospital. When he looked down, the figure in his arms seemed to flicker between Sarah and Ellie and he shook his head, running even faster. “I got you… I got you.” He heard yells behind him and felt the heat of a flashlight covering his spine, making his hair stand up. 

Still, they didn’t shoot in fear of killing Ellie before they could get what they needed from her, so he was granted a second of immunity from their gunfire. He heard screaming through the building and the rush of footsteps behind him but he ran quicker and fought harder… he had something to live for and he had something to die for. They didn’t… so he fought harder. “Goddammit, which way?” Joel’s voice broke and he was now guessing, just praying that whatever luck was held above their heads came into play for just a second…  _ and it did.  _

At the end of the hall, he saw an elevator, no doubt leading down to the hallway. “Yes, yes… it’s okay, baby girl. It’s okay.” He murmured to her, frowning when he heard what must have been a dozen people behind him, all of their guns pointed towards Joel and Ellie. Still… they didn’t shoot. Maybe in fear of shooting Ellie, maybe because they had an ounce of humanity left. Joel just thanked whatever higher power allowed it. “We’re okay, we’re okay.” Joel lied to himself, sprinting towards the elevator. 

“Drop the girl!” A voice screamed, growing closer and closer. Fear pounded through him as he felt something brush the back of him, but he was already in the elevator. He slammed his hand against the ‘close’ button and watched the hands trying to pry the doors open slowly disappear. 

It felt like a literal ton was lifted off of him when the doors closed. The elevator moved down and he held Ellie closer to him, letting out a low whimper or relief and fear. Still, he knew they weren’t out yet. When the elevator reached the parking garage, the doors cracked open, revealing a truck before them. He shut the elevator, pressing the stop button before walking through the garage, rushing towards the truck. 

“You can’t save her.” His head whipped to see Marlene pointing a gun at him, a glare on her face. Blood was on her hands and he assumed she’d been the one to find the first firefly -among dozens- that he had slaughtered. “Even if you get her out of here, then what?” Marlene demanded, moving closer towards the pair. Joel growled, taking his gun from his back pocket and hiding it beneath Ellie’s dress. “How long before she’s torn to pieces by a pack of clickers? That’s if she hasn’t been raped and murdered first.”

Joel winced, letting out a snarl. He shut his eyes and remembered his promise from that winter.  _ “I won’t let this happen to you again. I swear.” I’m not letting that happen again, baby girl.  _ Joel gritted his teeth, clasping his grip against the weak material of Ellie’s dress. 

“That ain’t for you to decide.” Joel spoke in a low, dead tone. Marlene circled around him, still not seeing the concealed pistol. Marlene looked up, releasing an airy chuckle. 

“It’s what she’d  _ want. _ ” Marlene looked him up and down, seeing the expression of guilt written on his face. Joel knew she was right. He tried to think of what lie he’d have to configure to hide this from Ellie. God, she… she wouldn’t speak to him if she’d seen what he’d done to the fireflies… if she saw the bodies laid across the hospital, decorating it like a sick warning. “And you  _ know it _ .” 

“Look… you can still do the right thing here.” Marlene dropped her pistol, holding her hands up. Joel winced, looking down to Ellie’s unconscious face. She looked so peaceful sleeping. His mind flashed of the previous night in the campfire and the words he’d sung to her.  _ “‘Two drifters off to see the world… and there’s a lot of world left to see.’” No… you’re not dying in this hellhole. Not after everything we’ve done, everything we’ve been through. You’re going to learn how to swim… and you’re going to make friends, and we’re going to be happy. You're going to find someone you love and die old in your bed.  _ “She won’t feel anything.” 

Joel cringed at her words, seeing she was more sympathetic for  _ him  _ than Ellie herself. He felt sick, sorry that this was the only mother Ellie had ever had… one who was so ready to murder her without even giving her a say. And with that, a gunshot went off. Lead struck through Marlene’s abdomen, making her collapse. Joel walked past her, his lungs slowly taking in each breath individually, praying Ellie wouldn’t hate him for what he knew he had to do. 

He packed Ellie into the car with care, shutting the door behind her. Marlene’s gasps of pain echoed through the garage, bouncing across the walls. “Wait… wait, don’t do this.” Marlene begged as Joel made his way back to her, his gun in his hands. Joel frowned, knowing what she’d do. She’d come after Ellie. Marlene would make sure that Ellie had something to fear for the rest of her life and something to wake up from during the night… and Joel couldn’t let her do that again. 

“You’d only come after her.” With a heavy pace, a final gunshot rang through the hospital. A bullet struck directly through Marlene’s eye, rendering her unrecognizable. Joel stood there for what must have been two minutes, taking in the sight of Marlene’s bloody body.  _ What am I going to do?  _ Joel asked, but deep down, he knew he’d rather have Ellie hate him than have her dead. Even if it hurt, she was alive. And that was all that mattered. But something in Joel told him it’d be okay… because Ellie would understand. 

See, they were both the same. They were the one thing the other had… so Ellie would understand.  _ She has to.  _ Joel begged, looking at the small girl in the truck. And then, he knew she would… because the love that they shared was a special kind. It was the only good thing that was left in the world; the relationship between a father and daughter. And then, he knew Ellie would understand why he couldn’t lose her. He just begged she’d be able to survive the vaccine not working. 

And so, he entered the truck and he drove… he drove until he heard a small shuffle behind him. He shut his eyes, preparing himself with the lie he’d been preparing for the past hour of driving. It was silent as Ellie slowly awoke, looking around her. The first thing she saw was Joel’s figure, not able to look back at her. He was strangely stiff, which she took in immediately. 

A strange pain was all around her and she remembered what had happened. “What the hell am I wearing?” Ellie asked, finding it took a little more energy to move than usual. Joel looked back to her and she looked up at him in concern. Something was… wrong. His face was tight and full of fear and tragedy at the same time. She wanted to hug him… a pit fell in her stomach when she remembered that they’d made it to the fireflies… and they were driving away.  _ Why… where are we?  _

“Just take it easy… drugs are still wearing off.” Joel mumbled, his voice soft. He prepared himself for the speech he had configured and waited for her to remember. On thought, she suddenly inhaled sharply and shot up, pushing herself up on her elbows and looking around. 

“What happened?” She asked softly, noticing that the sky was darker than it had been when she was last conscious. Ellie noticed a small cut on Joel’s arm right below his watch and sighed, waiting patiently for him to answer.  _ Please… please don’t say it. Don’t say it.  _

Joel was silent for a second before answering, his voice dry and drawn out. “We found the Fireflies. Turns out there’s a… a whole lot more like you, Ellie.” Ellie squinted, immediately confused. Surely, Marlene would have heard of anyone else who was immune, and she  _ definitely  _ would have told Ellie if she had been informed. “People that are immune, it’s dozens, actually.” Ellie was silent, waiting for him to finish.  _ Please… don’t say it.  _ She repeated, squeezing her eyes shut and listening to Joel’s voice. “... ain’t done a damn bit of good, neither.” 

_ No…  _ Ellie thought with an instant wave of depression washing over her. Joel watched her limbs sink slightly as the purpose in her seemed to be sucked out before him. Her face died and her lips curled down, something he’d recognized when she was sad. He screamed at himself on the inside, knowing all of this was his fault deep down. Still… she was alive. And, that was all that mattered. “They’ve actually stop…” Joel stopped for a second, looking at Ellie for just a second, trying to take in the sight of her hope for the last time, and then it passed. “They’ve stopped looking for a cure.” 

_ No. This isn’t happening. This is just a dream, and I’ll wake up soon.  _ Ellie thought, her face giving out. She let out a shaky exhale, sinking when the air left her lungs. Joel cringed, wishing he could pull over and just hug her… tell her it would be okay.  _ Tell her what Marlene was going to do to her.  _ “I’m taking us home.” Joel whispered, looking in the rear mirror to see her shut her eyes, laying back down on the seat of the truck. 

Ellie turned around on the seat, turning her back towards Joel. He knitted his eyebrows upwards in a feeling of guilt. He heard a trembling exhale escape her and he tightened his grip against the steering wheel. Ellie felt a tear running down her cheek but she stayed silent… she wanted to be silent right now. “I’m sorry.” 

\------------------------------------------------------------------

It was a silent car ride. Ellie changed into her own clothing, throwing the hospital gown out of the car angrily. Her eyes were puffy and she hid her head in her hands, absolutely destroyed. Everything she had done, all of the people she had killed, everything she’d  _ gone through _ … it was  _ all  _ for nothing. Nothing came out of the trip, and Ellie was left with nothing but scars. 

She suspected Joel, curious of how there had been so many other immune people and she knew nothing of it. Marlene would’ve known if there were other immunes, and she absolutely would have told Ellie… right? Would she have? Or had she imagined the bond between Marlene and herself? Did Marlene even care about her? Where was she? 

Ellie had so many questions for the fireflies… So why had Joel taken her before she could even wake up? He  _ knew  _ what this meant to her… and he didn’t even let her talk to them. She was mad… but mostly, she was sad. This was supposed to be what she was born for… but now… she had nothing… nothing but Joel. And that lifted her only a little bit. If she’d gotten nothing out of the trip, she had Joel. Maybe he could replace the want to get to the fireflies… maybe she could try to have a normal life with him. 

Ellie looked out of the window, seeing the sign welcoming them to Jackson County whiz past them. Joel was silent for the duration of the ride. His guilty expression ran through Ellie and she sighed, knowing he was hiding something. She just wasn’t sure how big of a lie he’d told her…  _ He wouldn’t hurt them. He knows how much this meant to me. He wouldn’t have done anything… unless they were going to hurt me. Would they have hurt me? When I wasn’t even awake?  _ She questioned the morale of the fireflies, but she knew deep down, if she was in Joel’s situation, she most likely would’ve done anything to keep him safe. And that scared her… because she knew he felt the same way. And she was scared of what he had done to the fireflies. “We’re almost home.” Joel spoke quietly, his voice dry when he looked back at Ellie. She was curled up on the side of the seat, looking down at the bite on her arm. “Ellie.” He whispered softly, looking back at her and nudging her slightly. 

“Yeah… I heard you.” She whispered, looking up at him. Their eyes met and he saw her searching for something in his eyes, any sort of detail that could let her know if he’d lied or not.  _ She knows.  _ Joel thought with dread, fearing the moment where she’d confront him.  _ Will she hate me? No… she’ll understand, I need to give her more credit here. We’ll be okay.  _ Ellie looked back down to her arm, seeing a strange glint in Joel’s eyes… it was a glint of concern, one she was familiar with, but this one was an odd remix of the familiar expression. Ellie moved her suspicion off of Joel, deciding to just grieve her failure instead.  _ Is it my fault? Did I do something wrong? Am I still immune? _

A strange soreness was hidden in Ellie’s bones and she pondered in confusion.  _ What did they do to me? Did they hurt me? If they did… if they did, Joel might’ve done something. Where’s Marlene?  _ A million thoughts were running through her head, but mostly questions. Joel explained  _ why  _ they weren’t at the fireflies… but he didn’t explain what exactly had happened.  _ Were there other immune people there? Did they take any blood from me? Did they even test me? Or did Joel not give them a chance?  _ Ellie shook her head and cursed herself for suspecting Joel… if he did something, he did it to protect her.  _ No matter what he did… he would’ve done it for a good reason.  _ Ellie certified herself, taking herself away from suspecting Joel.  _ He would’ve done it for a good reason.  _

Suddenly, the car reached an abrupt stop, nearly throwing Ellie off of the seat. She steadied herself, looking up to Joel who cursed under his breath, trying the key only to find nothing. “Probably jus’ a loose wire or something… Stay in here.” Ellie nodded, watching Joel close the car door and pop the hood up, only to be met with smoke in his face. Ellie’s eyes shut at the sight of the smoke, remembering the horror with David.  _ He… he did that to me, and it was all for nothing. Nothing was worth it. At least I got Joel out of this.  _ Joel groaned, closing the hood with a swear. “Looks like we’re walking the rest of the way, kiddo.” 

Ellie sighed, keeping her eyes trained on her bite until eventually she felt Joel shake her gently. “Hey… this isn’t your fault… you know that, right?” Joel asked her, bending down to meet her face. It was broken… her eyes were puffy and her expression looked absolutely heartbroken. She nodded slowly, getting out of the car and taking Joel’s hand. He sighed and took her in his arms, kissing the top of her head gently. “I love you.”  
“I love you, too, Dad.” She whispered, feeling him squeeze his eyes shut at that word. _I almost lost you…_ He thought, remembering carrying Ellie’s lifeless body out of the building, not knowing if she’d live or not. Joel despised Marlene for not even giving Ellie a say, because they both knew there was a chance that Ellie would say no if they had to kill her. A sliver… because Ellie would have known it’d destroy Joel. It would _kill him… and she might’ve said no._ So Marlene didn’t give her that option. She robbed her of it and Joel hated her for that. He found he didn’t regret any of it, he only regretted the fireflies making that disgusting decision. One life -Ellie’s life- wasn’t worth giving up, no matter how much good it’d do. And it wouldn’t do any good, not in Joel’s eyes. The world would be much worse off without the light Ellie was. 

“Okay… should be a straight shot through here.” Joel led her towards a fence, holding it up open for her. It was wire and it scratched her as she crawled through it. Joel held it higher, letting Ellie do the same for him. “Careful.” 

“Actually kinda pretty, ain’t it?” Joel asked, looking at the view behind them once they were both through. Ellie smiled for a second, nodding. Joel felt himself breathe for the first time in nearly a day when he saw that.  _ She’s still here. She ain’t mad at me.  _ Joel rejoiced, taking her hand and squeezing it. She let out a deep sigh and inhaled the cool air that surrounded them. It smelled like forest, a scent that Joel had inherited. It comforted her and she wondered if this was what Jackson was going to smell like. 

“Feelin’ my age now.” Joel smiled gently, trying to cheer Ellie up. She smirked for a second, letting out a small snicker. Still, there was no Ellie calling him a dinosaur, or cracking a joke as she normally would. Her disappointment was immense and it hung over her like a dark cloud. “I, uh… don’t think I ever told you this, but Sarah and I used to take hikes like this.” Ellie’s head picked up at the mention of Joel’s first daughter, and in an instant, she realized how much he cared about her and Ellie.  _ He wouldn’t do anything to hurt me… if he hurt the fireflies, it was for a good reason.  _ A pang of sadness ran through her when she imagined Joel alone, standing over her dead body.  _ He did it to protect me. He loves me.  _

“I think… I think the two of you would’ve been good friends. I think you would've liked her. I know she would’ve loved you.” Ellie smiled at his sincerity, something she’d seen before, but not at this level. She now knew he’d never leave her, and in a second, the smallest brush of comfort ran over her. 

“Yeah… I think so.” Ellie smiled sadly, following Joel through the hiking trail. She climbed up onto a ledge, accepting Joel’s help and letting him pull her up. “Thanks.” She murmured softly, continuing to follow him through the tall grass.  _ Whatever you did… you did to protect me. I… maybe I can forgive you for that. I can… just not yet. But I still love you, Joel. And I still need you, no matter what you did.  _

“Wow, this place is fucking big.” Ellie whispered, seeing the entirety of Jackson before them. Dozens, more than a hundred houses, were laid out and Ellie felt herself stop for a second, almost fearing it. Would she have to have a normal life here? Go to school…? Ellie didn’t know if she was ready for that again, it… too many memories. Plus, knowledge wasn’t very much prevalent in the world she’d grown up in. It was experience: knowing how to cock a gun and fire it was the only valuable lesson she needed. Ellie wondered if any of the other kids in Jackson had ever killed someone.  _ No one will want to be near me. I’m a killer. I’m… not normal.  _

“Should be just a little bit further now.” Joel called down to her, approaching a large jump. He climbed up onto a log, though it fell under his weight. “Damn.” He cursed, looking back down to Ellie. She climbed onto the fallen log, seeing Joel’s eyes meet hers. “Here, take my hand.” He softly ordered her, feeling her jump and take his hand. He pulled her up until she was good enough to climb up herself. “Alright, come on.” 

Though, Ellie lagged behind him, taking a deep sigh and looking down to the ground. “Hey… wait.” Ellie murmured, making him turn around. He looked her up and down, taking in the sad sight of her face. Her fingers played with each other, clicking the other’s nails and making small tattering noises. A deep exhale escaped her and she groaned, pacing around until finally meeting Joel’s eyes. “Back in Boston… back when we were bitten…”  _ We.  _ Ellie thought, shutting her eyes and thinking back to Riley, able to fully memorize the sight of the bite on her neck. She’d never been so scared, but Riley was so mature. She was accepting of her death, thinking of it as the universe’s plan for her. But, Ellie was much more practical, freaking out and pacing the room. “We were fucking around… Riley was there… and she got bit, too.” Joel’s expression eased and he slowly moved closer to Ellie, but she backed away, finishing her speech. “We didn’t know what to do. So… she says… ‘Let’s just wait it out. Be all poetic and lose our minds together.’ I’m still waiting for my turn.”

“Ellie-”  
“She was the first to die. Then it was Tess, and Sam…” Joel crossed his arms, cringing when he saw the pain riddled through her face. Her eyes were beginning to shimmer thinking back to Riley, and then of course Sam. He was so sweet, so dorky… So why did he die? Why did he die and she survived? 

“Ellie, none of that is on you.” Ellie shook her head, squeezing her eyes shut again and subtly pacing again. Her fingers scratched at each other once again, her anxiety rising. 

“No, you don’t understand.” Ellie shook her head, remembering that day at the loss.  _ ‘You have no idea what loss is.’  _ Ellie hated that day… it was almost worse than losing Sam, but not Riley. Up to that point she had been so fantastical about her bond with Joel, but when he said those words it all came crashing down and she was caught under the rubble. 

“I struggled a long time with surviving… And you…” Joel paused, remembering the night with Sarah. _His birthday._ It was an ironic twist that that fateful night was on his birthday. It was appropriate in his life, though. His life was full of misery and pain, and mostly nothing else… until her. Until this little, fierce girl forced her way into his life, not accepting defeat. He’d _saved her. And he returned the favor. And he wasn’t sorry for it._ “No matter what, you keep finding something to fight for.” Their eyes connected and they both knew they were each other’s ‘something.’ Ellie sighed, looking down at the ground, but Joel interrupted her. “Now, I know that’s not what you wanna hear right now-”  
“ _Swear to me_.” She spoke fiercely, staring him right in his eyes and looking at him with a cold look for the first time in a year. Joel shifted his weight from foot to foot, his eyebrows tilting up. “Swear to me everything you said about the fireflies was true.” He looked down at her, not letting anything slip. Her eyes were full of tears and she looked up at him, begging him to tell the truth. Somewhere deep down, Ellie knew that at least _something_ he’d said was a lie, which is why he cringed when he said:

“I swear.” His voice was gravelly and rough, and he looked down at her, awaiting her response. He had made sure not to hesitate and tried to conceal anything that could give him away. He  _ couldn’t  _ let Ellie know he lied, not for his sake, but for hers. The  _ guilt  _ she would feel if she knew that she had a chance to make a vaccine and was robbed of it… she’d think it was her fault. 

Their gazes battled for dominance for a moment and she looked down, her throat closing and she began to let a tear roll down her cheek. If Joel did anything, he did it to protect her, and as much as she hated that he did that, she understood it. If she had to choose between losing Joel or fucking over the entire world… well, her choice was obvious. “ _ Okay. _ ”    


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh my god, this was such a trip to write this chapter, and it was so fun haha! so, what i decided to do is i'm going to make a separate work as a sort of season two of this, because this has been like, so fun to write and you guys are so nice so i want to keep writing this! 'season two' is going to be in jackson, and maybe i'll do a season three of something else. after that, i was thinking i'd possibly do part two except maybe joel survives, because that game is way too depressing for me to write all of that and be emotionally stable, so i'll probably do part 2 but joel survives if you guys want. requests are going to be closed for like, the next 1-2 chapters so i can set up jackson and ellie trying to forgive joel while not confronting him, and eventually her going back to saint mary's. this has been such a trip writing this and i literally cannot thank each and everyone one of you reading this enough, it's so cool to see so much support on something i love writing so much. there will be an update in probably like a week because i'm not exactly having a great week and kinda going through it, so i'll start writing across the week. anyway, to end this long speech and a tldr: there will be an update in a week on a seperate work on my account. simply click my account to see it, and i'll post an update on her telling anyone who doesn't read this to go on there. have a great day, love all of you! <3


	26. Update

heyo! chapter and new work is up on my account, so if you want to read the first chapter, just click on my name and find the last good thing in the world part II. hope you guys enjoy it, and i'll see you over there!

**Author's Note:**

> hi everyone! i've been working on this for so long and it's a real passion project of mine, so i hope to hell this gets some reads because this is one of my favorite fics i've written in a while! please, please, please: kudos and comments are always appreciated! A new chapter will be out in 2-3 days. If you want me to do something for a chapter since this will be a last of us mega book, just comment it and i'll get to it!


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